doogl Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Ok i dont do this, but i really need some advice. Theres this girl who i really like. i made it clear to her that i wanted something more then friends as soon as i started talking to her, but she said she just wanted to take it really slow, she has some problems trusting guys cause of her ex. The problem is that i have been waiting for a long time (almost a year), and we have grown very close emotionally together. ive earned her trust (im guessing) and she says she really likes me. But she says shes not completely over her abusive ex. I dont know how to help her get over him so she can move on with her life (and hopefully closer into mine). She keeps saying just be patient. But that requires even more time, and i feel that i have been waiting for an eternity. Its like torture! to be some close to someone and not do anything about it. My question to you guys is this: Should i keep waiting and hope shell get over her ex so we can finally give it a try, or should i give up and move on before i hurt myself even more and waste even more of my time? what makes it so hard is that i wouldnt be able to get over her if i keep being close to her so i would need to go cold turkey. But i dont want to abandon her and hurt her because i am one of her best friends. thanks for any advice, any advice at all
kypepeo Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 I read this phrase somewhere a while back " you are people too". I understand that you don't want to hurt her but you are hurting as well and you need to take care of you. You won't be any good to her anyway if you are a mess. You have given her more than enough time and patience. She's comfortable the way things are now so she has no reason to want anything else. It may seem harsh but you need to give her an ultimatum. Tell her how you feel and what you want from her. The rest is up to her. You decide what you want and lay it on the table, don't neglect yourself coz you matter as well.
haywood Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 you have two choices. (1) be patient.........for who knows how long. don't want to come off harsh but let's think about it. she could be just keeping you aside because she knows you'll always be there. it sucks trust me. girls want to chase too. it's a big freakin game. (2) make a move. something simple. be more affectionate. don't get this wrong with being nice to her but do something physical. grab her hand, or her arm if you're shy, whatever. there's gotta be a breaking point where she needs to decide if she wants to be physical with you or not. enough of this emotional stage. that's great you have a connection but you want more, right? i've been in the same situation. she wanted to just be friends. so i said i told myself i didn't need to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. so what happened. she came running back to me, "as a friend" of course. so i made a move on her and it began. just wait and always contemplate or make a move and have no regrets. good luck.
doogl Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Thanks for the advice guys. I sat her down and made a really bad move (ehh i didnt expect to be suave) and she gave me the cold shoulder. Then i told her how i felt again etc. needless to say she didnt bat an eyelash, just said "fine." ouch. ...once again alone. thanks for taking time to respond to my problem.
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