RonChalant Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Considering proposing to my gf in the next 12-18 months (super pre planning I know) who I have grown to love very much. Problem is, I really feel the need to get some sexual things done before I do so that I feel I would never be able to accomplish otherwise...In other words I feel the need to be a border line whore for a predetermined period of time to "get it out of my system". I really do love her but there are things I would like to do before I settle down, a threesome being one of those things, but she would NEVER go for having one, nor would I subject her to that. I fantasize about women and have to fight from looking at other women a lot but I do love my gf, I've just never really had a chance to live that type of life before, was always not a very confident guy, but now that I am I feel like I should experience some of these things before tying myself down and always wondering about things I MAY have been able to accomplish sexually. I know I can't expect her to go for this, and I don't want to loose her, she is one of the best things to ever happen to me...but I don't know what to do. I realize that it's not all its made out to be when your really in that "new girl every week" lifestyle, but I still desire other women a good amount and feel like the only way I can get over it is to face it or always have to wonder, which could lead me to cheat when I married, whether it's married to her or someone else in general. I'm sure th en female on here are going to attempt to rip me apart for feeling this way so let's try to keep this to the point, lol TRY not to bash me so much. So input, what do I do
TXGuy Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 It depends on how much you want to make things work with this girlfriend. You have said that she will not be on board with participating in a threesome. I would also question whether she would be ok with you taking a month or so break so you can be a man-wh0re. There is a good chance she would not want you back after your break. You could try to do it on the sly, but that seems sleazy. If she catches you, you can bet she will break up with you. In short, if you want to pull off this plan, you have to be willing to risk losing your current gf. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Whatever you do, do not propose to your girlfriend. You aren't ready for a lifetime commitment at this point. If you are truly feeling these things and it's that important to you, you should really be single for a while. Those are the compromises you make when you commit to someone, and it doesn't sound like you're there yet. I very much doubt your girlfriend would understand or accept this plan. You are highly unlikely to be able to act out your "pre-determined man whore period" and keep your girlfriend at the same time. If I were her and you approached me with your concerns, I'd realize you're not prepared to be exclusive and committed to me. I'd send you your walking papers, OP. Weigh this extremely carefully. 5
BradJacobs Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Would you want to marry this girl if she wanted a break from you for the same reasons? Don't expect her to wait and at least be man enough to tell her why you are dumping her. That way she can move on quickly if she thinks that you are a creep. 8
Omei Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Agree with above posters, if this is something you would like to do its a clear indication your not really for marriage perhaps not even ready for a long term relationship. 6
stillafool Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Please, please do not marry this girl. She will end up hurt. Let her go so she can marry a guy who has gotten the need for other women out of his system. You stay single and date and have sex with as many women as you want. 3
Barbarossa Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I don't think you can "get it out of your system". Even if you whore it up then get hitched your still going to want to be a whore. You might not be marriage material why do you want to marry? 4
FnlyFrei Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I agree with everyone else here. You shouldn't even HAVE a committed relationship yet if you are entertaining this...much less becoming engaged. I think you should break up with her so that she can find someone ready for a commitment if she is. You are not. 2
Woggle Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 You are not ready for marriage so do her a favor and don't marry her. 2
what_a_blonde Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Considering proposing to my gf in the next 12-18 months (super pre planning I know) who I have grown to love very much. Problem is, I really feel the need to get some sexual things done before I do so that I feel I would never be able to accomplish otherwise...In other words I feel the need to be a border line whore for a predetermined period of time to "get it out of my system". I really do love her but there are things I would like to do before I settle down, a threesome being one of those things, but she would NEVER go for having one, nor would I subject her to that. I fantasize about women and have to fight from looking at other women a lot but I do love my gf, I've just never really had a chance to live that type of life before, was always not a very confident guy, but now that I am I feel like I should experience some of these things before tying myself down and always wondering about things I MAY have been able to accomplish sexually. I know I can't expect her to go for this, and I don't want to loose her, she is one of the best things to ever happen to me...but I don't know what to do. I realize that it's not all its made out to be when your really in that "new girl every week" lifestyle, but I still desire other women a good amount and feel like the only way I can get over it is to face it or always have to wonder, which could lead me to cheat when I married, whether it's married to her or someone else in general. I'm sure th en female on here are going to attempt to rip me apart for feeling this way so let's try to keep this to the point, lol TRY not to bash me so much. So input, what do I do Perhaps you haven't found the one you truly want to marry if you're still having desires that are unfulfilled (that you think need to be fulfilled). 1. You mention you were never confident before this girl, could it be that suddenly, because you are feeling love and attention from her, you're now feeling confident to go out and approach other women and get these things? I'm not saying it won't happen, however your confidence could come from the sense of fulfillment you have right now. If you and your gf suddenly break up, that confidence might go kaput and you may not be able to scoop up a 3some or any of these other fantasies as easy as you think. Could backfire, just saying. 2. If you're continuing to fantasize about other women and having trouble NOT looking at them... sounds like this woman you say you love and want to marry isn't meant for you for the rest of your life. And sorry to be blunt, but she also deserves someone better. I would hate it if I knew the man I gave my heart to still looks at other women because for some reason I do not fulfill his every need. Same goes for her, if SHE is not fulfilling your every sexual need and desire the way you would want... then maybe you need to reevaluate yourself or you need to just cut it off completely while you go out and whore around. Save her the heartbreak now. Oh, and don't expect her to be waiting around either. 1
man_in_the_box Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Theyre fantasies and you aren't going to get rid of them by living them out. If you're really serious about this girl you should put then aside. 2
Teraskas Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 The worst thing you could do here is propose to her. As much as I hate so say this, you're just not ready for such a kind of commitment. These fantasies will remain, regardless if you carry them out or not. 2
Under The Radar Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) If you really love this girl then remaining committed to her would absolutely supersede your fantasies. Love involves so much more than sex. Do you really want to risk losing all of the other amazing qualities she brings to the table pursuing a threesome or random one night stands? I can tell you right now that I wouldn't. Look, we cannot make the decision for you, BUT understand that one cannot have there cake and eat it to. If promiscuity and arbitrary hookups is a priority to you at this stage in your life then you need to break up with your girlfriend. Just understand that the likelihood of you two getting back together, after you have satisfied your sexual appetite, will be slim to none. Edited February 16, 2014 by Training Revelations
Arieswoman Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 .In other words I feel the need to be a border line whore for a predetermined period of time to "get it out of my system". Who are you kidding? IMO you don't respect yourself enough if you want to behave like this. Do you really want to get a bad reputation or an STD ? If a woman said the things you have just said she would be flamed off the forum. Being a man does not excuse such behaviour. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Doesn't matter what the females think, they don't understand men anyway, they think there's just good guys and bad guys when there is just capable or incapable. So a lot of guys maybe not necessarily feel the need to whore around (close to it though) but they definitely might want to sample a few flavors before tying the knot (again, are you part of the "capable"?) otherwise like a lot of guys you'll yoyo out of relationships/marriages settling for what you can get, but keeping an eye for the next hottest thing, end up divorced or cheating, maybe by then you'll learn to how to take advantage of younger more naive women. Do yourself a favor and don't do it though, you're not ready, it's not going to go away, you might think you're over the moon with this girl but don't do it, it's not going to change, I've seen a lot of guys cheat behind their wife's back, just loving her is not good enough...you sound way too young and inexperienced to know whether to get married right now, trust your gut. Don't tell her you're breaking up with her because you're going to go play the field, no guy ever tells the truth anyway...just tell you're thinking of going gay, that way she can't be offended And don't do the whole thing like you just need a few years or what not, don't expect her or even ask her to wait...let her move on, she will faster than you think if you don't bug her after the breakup because you're not getting laid like you thought you would. 1
lino Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Another girl with a quality guy. Nice guys, take note. 2
anne1707 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Another girl with a quality guy. Nice guys, take note. Gets worse. If you look at past threads including from just last month, he is still in love with his ex.
OpheliaSong Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Since your gf is female, it very much matters what the females think. I agree that you don't need it get married. She probably was the one who instilled this new capable confidence in you, so,way to repay her....your're not in love or ready for commitment. Break up and live out your sexual dreams. Also, just because she wants you doesn't mean everyone else will so be careful of what you destroy before you go searching for something you may not be any more capable of getting now than when you were single. Still, let her go. Any woman deserves better than this half assed commitment. 2
Shepp Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Considering proposing to my gf in the next 12-18 months (super pre planning I know) who I have grown to love very much. Ron, I feel the same way, im thinking the same thing. The thing is she is the only girl I ever want to, be with, to wake up next to, for the rest of my life! To be with her, raise our family - that's what ive wanted since I was 15, I don't have doubt. So when I look ahead and think no other girl ever, from this point of my life I die, that doesn't scare me - if it genuinely is scaring you (and I assume it is for you to write a question on a forum) then maybe think again about whether your ready for this commitment? Doesn't mean shes not the right girl - maybe just a year down the line you'll suddenly be like "you know what, that thought doesn't scare me anymore" and then your ready to buy that ring (which, have you been looking? Tthere expensive, right!!!) You don't have an alternative but to stick with her and see how you feel as time goes along - wither your feelings for her will grow or your desire for freedom will grow. Any other course of action will destroy what you guys have now!
Poppygoodwill Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 If you know this is what you need to do, then you should do the honorable thing and break up with her now. Let her go. Leave her alone to get on with her life. Get it all out of your system. When you think you are ready for a serious commitment then track her down. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. 1
RedRobin Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Contrary to some people's opinion.... Not all men need to 'get it out of their system' Some men... Healthy men... Don't find validation by sticking their dicks into strangers. Men who need to play the field rarely make good partners. They will always be looking for a BBD. OP... You just aren't marriage material. Sorry. Break up with this girl. 5
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) I can tell you with some authority - if this is your thinking, you aren't ready to marry her and she's probably not the right one. I'm sorry - it's blunt but it's the truth. I believed a lot of similar things that you are stating (not quite from the same angle). I believed that the most important thing is sexual compatibility, prior to anything else. And I've known a few women where we fit and I'm sure things would constantly be 'exciting' even after marriage. However, I was taken off guard by the fact I fell for someone and that would not or ever be the central item in our relationship. I've been married - I had a bit of a wild wife. But the sense of adventure and lack of 'wandering' eye never went away. It's pretty obvious to me now that that wondering eye and desire to focus on sex would never go away and was a band-aid for other things. I've made a decision to go after a woman where that isn't the primary connection and I have no desire for extended boundaries before/after we may be together. I preached your philosophy for a long-time. I was blind to what true affection and love was..and learning that with that true love/affection, your wandering eye and wild adventures are not needed. Trust me - I really have thought like you did. And when you truly find the right one...TRULY find it. The wandering eye, the lust and desire for others will go away. You'll be focused on her and not wanting any one else. I've been where you are - I married with the same thoughts. That doesn't mean the marriage will work. But, it at least has a chance. Going in and thinking you can 'sew' your wild oats won't fix it. Sex is like a drug - you never can get enough when you start down the path you are describing. You can't just turn it off. Someone will turn it off for you when you meet the right one. Edited February 16, 2014 by TheNewMe2014
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 first - no one (or me) is not mad at him. I understand 'sowing your wild oats' is normal, to a degree - I did it to. I understand where it comes from and that's fine. But it does mean she is not right for him... As for sex being a drug vs love. They both can be. Sex is absolutely a drug. It's addictive, it can be destructive, it can consume your time, not allow you to think straight. It is 100% absolutely a drug. It's not illegal and it may not kill you. But it has all the other properties of a drug.
FitChick Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 .. sowing your oats is part of life, get over it. It doesnt make him a bad person Unless, according to your post on another thread, it's a woman doing the same thing.
Grumpybutfun Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 It seems if men didn't date a lot or they didn't get sex a lot, they feel the need to do this sort of thing. That is why I don't necessarily buy into the whole marry before you have sex deal. I can't tell you how many religious people do this and then cheat on their spouse because they felt like they missed out. Or, some guys whose gfs made them more confident think they can get copious amounts of sex because their gf loves them enough to screw them. No, you don't love her because love is a verb and if you do anything to break her heart, you don't love her. Be kind and break up because you are immature and not ready for the privilege of marriage. Sow your wild oats, if you can, and let this girl go find someone who is ready for the kind of love she wants with marriage and commitment. There is nothing wrong with not being ready. Good luck, Grumps 1
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