Annie767 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Sorry for the long post. My partner of 4 years broke up with me and kicked me out of our home before Christmas. 95 percent of the time our relationship was awesome. Then he acted withdrawn and strange, he would not come near me and I felt very lonely for the last 8 week but put it down to his job stress. I discovered he was privately talking to an ex and the topics of conversation were crossing my boundaries. I said this was not acceptable and he refused to apologise and told me it was over on our anniversary. We travelled the world together. We were meant to be trying to conceive a child as it's what we both wanted. My life was set out in front of me and I loved him deeply. At first I begged for him to take me back and convince him our hard careers just made him feel so miserable. He said no. So I got the rest of my things and decided to go no contact. He then began to contact me and said he missed me and wanted to work things out. I considered things for a few days and said yes we can meet next week with level heads. When the time came around he had changed his mind and he was angry at me for "running out" on him. I said ok and again went no contact. At new year he texted me again saying he had the most miserable Christmas and new year and it showed him how little I cared. I had taken his chance of a child away, I was confused and offended. I rose to it and we clashed again. I said there is no way we can reconcile if this is how we are. ( I wouldn't back down and admit it was 100 percent my fault) So I go no contact again and then he rang my aunts to tell us that he was back with an ex (who he hated and said she was a pathological liar) he went out of his way to tell us that they were going to get her tubes untied (she has 3 kids and is ten years older than me) and try for a baby. He knew how much I wanted a baby and how much this statement would hurt me, he made me wait 2 years to start considering trying and I just can't believe this is the same man I fell in love with. I'm just so angry and hurt again! I want to know that this feeling of bitterness will pass. I just feel like they're going out of their way to make me feel inadequate. We have lots of mutual friends which is making it harder. I was doing so well, I was finding my happiness, until he said that to my family. Thank you for letting me vent. Annie
Gemini x Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 He's clearly an a**hole and you deserve better. Go strict NC and forget this loser. Rid him of your life completely. Ask your family not to take his calls nor give you any information regarding him, ask the same of your friends as well. He's trying to hurt you because his ego was bruised. You wouldn't take all the blame and kiss his a$$ like he wanted and he's just being spiteful. The best thing you can do is let his ex have him. Let her deal with his stupidity. 2
Author Annie767 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Thank you Gemini , it's just amazing to think I was such a bad judge of character. That's why I feel stupid really feel like I've wasted time and energy on someone who had no intention of giving me the life and family I wanted. He faked it he whole time. (I feel it anyway) I shall take your advice, it's just a shame it's all over we built a great life. I see you've been through tough times with a volatile person who you just wanted to care for as well. I still love his family as well which makes it tough. Annie
Blizeow Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Your post made me so angry! I cannot believe he had the nerve to communicate with an ex, tear the relationship apart, break up with you, then turn the entire thing around on you! That is beyond selfish and makes me feel great empathy. I understand the feeling of being disappointed in yourself for having "bad judgement." I would had never though in a million years my ex would have completely change his thoughts about me and hit a 180 degree character change. What I have realized is that these issues have nothing to do with us as the dumpee. This is not our fault and in situations like this, we didn't set ourselves up for the outcome. We didn't ignore red flags- as you stated, you found out about the ex communication and voiced your disapproval and opened a line of communication to address the situation. I had a similar story, and ultimately a similar outcome. What a piece of poo this guy is, and I hope you find someone else deserving of your love. 1
Sandy99 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I know it's hard but when somebody does something like this to you try to remember that life is not fair. All sorts of terrible things happen to some people and not others every day of the week. Some die at 20, others live to be 100. There are a lot of unfair aspects to life. And sometimes there is no explanation for crazy behavior. You'd have to be inside your ex's brain to know what he is thinking and you can't do that, so do the next best thing and avoid him. Try to let him go. It's going to hurt, but it'll be a lot less painful than trying to pursue somebody who is already in a new relationship. He sounds pretty stupid anyway--running back to a pathological liar with three kids. But at least you understand why he might be with her. She is a pathological liar, which means I am sure she is coming up with some damn good reasons for her past behavior and why your ex should be with with her now. 1
Author Annie767 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Thank you so much for your perspective It's incredible how he made me doubt myself and come close to admitting it was my fault and that his behaviour was totally acceptable - but I know what road that will have led down. His friends and family are bewildered as well, but I'm thinking I should scale back my communication with them, as much as it will hurt me because it will always come up. They all believe this new relationship won't work out, but I believe this woman is so desperate (she's had around 16 failed relationships) to keep him that she will give up everything about herself. Either that or they will crash and burn (they split up 6 times in a two year relationship last time). I shouldn't really care whether it works out or it does but I do find myself obsessing. Guess I want to have my day as they say. Hopefully it will get to the point where I don't care either way. Life is very unfair I know that working in a hospital, got to find happiness and contentment within myself, I'm sure I'll have my own family one day with a man who wants to be there. Thanks for listening.
Sugarkane Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I would never talk to this sociopath again. 1
KatZee Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Whatever. Good riddance to him. He's the only a.sshole here, he's basically cutting off his own nose to spite his face. He's hurt and trying to hurt you by doing all this but he's going to wake up months, or years down the line and realize what an asshat he was by knocking up his pathological liar ex. You're going to move on to bigger and better things, and he's going to be forever tied to this crazy person. Bullet. Dodged. 1
Author Annie767 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 That is it! He held steadfast that she was a needy psychopath for 2 years and now she's convinced him it was because she was having a hard time. Shes delighted they're back together. Well he's had the taste of a proper non toxic relationship now and I don't think it's going to be easy for him to forget that. I don't mean to sound like a horrible person but is it wrong to smile when I think about the day, when I'm over it all and happy, that's its all come crashing down around him? No contact, look after myself and the rest will follow. Thank you so much. I was beginning to wonder whether if in fact it was my fault at one point?!
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