Author anemptycup Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) I dream about her every night still. Last night was the most intense i can remember - It's been 3 months since we broke up. I remember thinking in my dream - I need to be sure this is real, before i believe it - i remember really concentrating and then realizing IT IS REAL... she was there - were were together again... even my truck that died a week after we broke up was in my dream... I couldn't stop kissing her... one after another - a shower of kisses... i was so grateful, and so happy - couldn't believe we were back together... and then i woke up... the depression and emptiness i usually get from waking up after dreaming about her, isn't as noticeable as it was a month ago -i think i have adapted now... to the reality. Still don't want to get out of bed - but i do... i know staying in bed will only make me feel like ****... so, i get out - shower... and come down and get on with work. For anyone who may have been following my story - i was going 7 weeks NC and broke for her birthday - i don't regret breaking my silence - because i learned that she is having a difficult time too - and prior to that, i thought she was off enjoying herself - not thinking about me or anything... plus, the last time we actually talked before my NC - i was begging her like a baby.. and she was being string and stone cold - last weekend - i was strong, encouraging - and i could tell she was down and wanted to talk... i ended it by being short... and i felt strong... a few days later... the emptiness started to set in again... and on Saturday.. i had no one to talk to - i started going nuts... and went on Toronto love doctor...com which talks about being open etc... and not doing NC unless you know it's over... so, i broke and contacted her again... fortunately it wasn't anything too bad - just shared a link about something interesting... i'll paste my email below - even on our break-ups she normally writes back immediately - like within an hour - she didn't write until this morning (Monday) and my guess is she was away for the weekend, probably to mexico.. anyway... her reply was clear... she doesn't want to talk... i'll paste it below.. so, now it's crystal clear to me... i need to just move on - NC until death... i know it's going to get harder again soon... i'm bracing myself for the emptiness... but i also believe i have passed through the worst... i'm not crying everyday like i was... but, who knows... it might come... i'll be ready for it. here's that email i sent her on Saturday - and her response is below it: hey you! saw this and thought of you -SD and RS in the top 10! crazy - remember, those water filters don't take out many of the bad chemicals... 10 American Cities With the Worst Drinking Water - DailyFinance i know it adds up, but try to stick to bottled water as much as you can! health people often focus on food.. and neglect Air and water - arguably more important! hope you're having a great weekend her reply: Great reminder m. Thank you! I will Edited March 31, 2014 by anemptycup
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