3 Year Relationship Ended - lost my love - .

[anemptycup]

Hi everyone, i've learned a lot from reading many posts here. I'm a first time poster - I hope someone will have the time to help. I'll try to make this brief.

 

exactly a month ago i broke up with my GF of 3 years - we were in an on aff relationship as she was my first serious relationship (i'm 34 now) (i know too old for this) - she never broke up with me once - in November we broke up and she went dating and I guess since it was xmas and she was alone and had no one, she came back and managed to talk her way into making up... we got back together, and a week later - had an argument over something silly - i panicked and broke up - and then she said she had enough and when i told her i was sorry and wanted her back the next day, she said it was over for good - i did no contact for 2 weeks and when i finally broke and emailed her - she told me she had moved on and was good ( i had been stalking her a lot through the 2 weeks and saw she immediately started dating anotehr guy when we broke up) she told me she's seeing him and has slept with him - it's been a month now, she's still seeing teh same guy - a few days later we saw each other, and i broke down completely and was begging her and crying like a baby for her back - but she was stone cold and said she'd rather be single than with me (and i know it's just because she has someone she's happy with now) i blocked her twitter and facebook etc and basically went through the worst break down i ever been through.. spent a week working on a letter to her which i sent her last sunday (a week after seeing her) - she replied an hour later being kind and saying she'll always be friends and will always be there for me as a friend...

 

i know what you are all thinking when i say this.. but, she really is a rare and unique person for me.. she's been the light and life in my world, and i learned so much about myself and why it all went wrong - most of it my insecurities and commitment fears.

 

I haven't contacted her since last Sunday... and it's been a month since we broke up...

 

i feel she really has moved on and she can't allow herself to get hurt again - as she has given me many chances already - she has ADHD and is always doing things and never can sit still and be present (one of our major issues) so i feel she's moved on and totally forgotten me already... i am crushed and miss not only my lover but my best friend...

 

I'm trying to move on and work on myself.. but, dream of her every night and spend the first few hours of each day depressed and wishing/hoping she'll come back....

 

is there any way she'll ever miss me and want to come back - keeping in mind, she's happily with another man, and she started a new job last week, and moved into a new apt and new city... i feel like i'm going to pass into history as an old chapter...

 

if she loves me, will she come back? I think that maybe in a few weeks she might email me as a friend (i don't have a cell so no texting, just email is how we talked) what should i say if she does email me? And i feel it'll only happen if she gets lonely and loses her new relationships - but i can't see her not dating - she always keeps busy and is dating.

 

any advice and guidance would be much appreciated.

 

Thanks,

 

p.s as far as i am aware - she hasn't ever been without a relationship for more than 2 weeks - i.e when we met she was fresh out of another relatinship which makes me think i might have been a 3 year rebound for her.

Edited February 15, 2014 by anemptycup

[cif]

a few days later we saw each other, and i broke down completely and was begging her and crying like a baby for her back - but she was stone cold and said she'd rather be single than with me

 

 

YUCK. Very unattractive.

 

 

There's a good chance her current R overlapped with yours. Not to start trouble but they're still going strong. Most likely you were not a rebound, they don't last years.

 

 

Every single person on this planet is "unique" and "different". Forget her. No Contact = no spying, emailing, texting or even thinking of her. It's over. Read Caliguy NC Guide pinned up top.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

HMMM....

 

I am the QUEEN of commitment phobes.

 

Dated one, or at least I think he was a CP, for the past 3 years. We were off and on. He broke up with me a million times. Then we would get back together at most 2 weeks later.

 

What was your relationship like?

 

Oh, and if you want you can go read my past threads...and see what I've been through with this guy.

[lvroflife]

I feel your pain! However, you need to stop!!! You have done enough damage. If you wanted a chance you should have accepted her break up and walk away!! But you cried and begged and did all the wrong things, which to her looks weak!! Looks needy and clingy! She (95%sure of this) is/was thinking "I am glad I left, look at how weak he is" So will she ever give you a chance? Who knows...

 

But allow her and new dude to do their thing..Yes that sucks to hear but you pushed her to him... he is refreshing, light, fun, and not pursuing her and begging.

 

The best you can do now is re-discover ourself, pick up new hobbies, workout, focus on you and who knows waht will happen...

 

For future reference if a female ever wants to break up, just accept it and let them go!! do this and more than likely they will come back...

[anemptycup]

3 years together... lots of break-ups in that time...

both very in love - i took her for granted...

 

in december broke up with her and she had enough said it was over for good...

 

went no contact for 2 weeks - when i broke, she told me she had moved on and was good - and that she was dating and slept with another guy already... that's within a few days of our 3 years ending...

 

i broke down.. begged etc... then went no contact - it's been 1 month today of no contact...

 

hard closing the chapter... would love to talk to someone on here who is willing to listen - i feel like i have no one willing to listen.

[anemptycup]

sorry my notifications were off - it's been one month of no contact as of today - yeah, i really messed up with her - can't believe the begging i did - really sad... but i have been trying to move forward - keep thinking of her everyday... my only contact now is seeing her online on okcupid in my searches.. which tells me her rebound may not have lasted... or not.. who knows... maybe she is dating several guys at the same time... it's not important...

 

all i can do is move on - it's her birthday in a week... do i text? do i just keep with NC....

 

our relationship was always 100% honest and real.. no games... but, i feel like she might think i'm playing games with the NC....

 

uuugh - i appreciate you guys responding... really i do.. havent had many interested people to talk to... it's been really hard.

[Lifegoezon]

NC all the way buddy. Birthdays are just traps. Don't use it as an excuse to break NC. She'll see straight through it.

[David87]

Wow, never cry or beg ever, that's so attractive..... Start NC imediatly.

[anemptycup]

trying to figure out this site - sorry...

 

yeah, i know it guys... the begging, the crying.. first time i'me ever done anything like that and it was in her car, my truck broke down next to her place - this was 3 weeks after breaking up.. and i called her - she seemed really glad to hear my voice - she dropped what she was doing and came gave me a ride home and helped me with towing... but from the start, she said, no point talking about getting back.. and i could tell she meant it - i immediately started crying - couldn't help it - the entire one hour trip.. i tried to make ammends... we were holding hands most of it - she cried a little, but mostly she was being a stone wall.. got to my place.. and that's where the most of the crying happened - saying goodbye to her probably for the last time ever... i think she even giggled at one point at my worst.. so, yeah, i know it was bad - but i was just letting my heart be open...

 

it's messed up that we have to hide our emotions so much in order to be successful in love...

 

so, that night i just sent a short email - thanking her for her help - she replied the next morning witha kind response - she even mentioned "don't be obsessive, that won't get me back" - i didn't reply - i have a strong feeling the night she helped me with my two - she had come form seeing her new guy - she looked dressed up and had wine on her breath - she told me she'd just come from dinner - anyway - i hit rock bottom 2 days later - and spent the entire following week in therapy and obsessing over a letter to her form morning to night... constantly refining it - finally sent it a week later - she replied an hour later, kind email again.. but clearly over it... this was exactly a month ago... i have since had no contact - so zero contact for a month.

 

it's been very hard - she's extremely active online - crazy poster - but i have avoided Facebook, twitter, you name it.. i've been very good on the NC - except occassionaly seeing her profile on OKcupid as online... and it gives me hope that she has left the guy she slept with days after us.. and now she's back on the hunt - but, i know the key is to stop THINKING about her - and making up STORIES in my head that will keep me suffering...

 

i just can't stop wondering about - If it's meant to be, will she come back?

 

clearly there is nothing i can do other than move forward and put her out of my head - if anything were to happen - it would have to be from her...

 

it's just messed up because - 2 weeks prior to our final break-up, it was total role reversal.. she was the one after me, trying to get back together....

 

so confusing

[anemptycup]

I feel your pain! However, you need to stop!!! You have done enough damage. If you wanted a chance you should have accepted her break up and walk away!! But you cried and begged and did all the wrong things, which to her looks weak!! Looks needy and clingy! She (95%sure of this) is/was thinking "I am glad I left, look at how weak he is" So will she ever give you a chance? Who knows...

 

But allow her and new dude to do their thing..Yes that sucks to hear but you pushed her to him... he is refreshing, light, fun, and not pursuing her and begging.

 

The best you can do now is re-discover ourself, pick up new hobbies, workout, focus on you and who knows waht will happen...

 

For future reference if a female ever wants to break up, just accept it and let them go!! do this and more than likely they will come back...

 

Do you think she will always remember me that way - begging and crying - since it was the last time we saw each other?

[anemptycup]

HMMM....

 

I am the QUEEN of commitment phobes.

 

Dated one, or at least I think he was a CP, for the past 3 years. We were off and on. He broke up with me a million times. Then we would get back together at most 2 weeks later.

 

What was your relationship like?

 

Oh, and if you want you can go read my past threads...and see what I've been through with this guy.

 

 

Hi Blessyourcottonsocks - our relationship was incredible for teh most part - i have never enjoyed time spent with anyone - we had a lot of issues - i should mention she has Adult ADHD - Crashed 2 cars, went through 5 jobs, 5 different apts, and form what i have read on ADHD, most of them have issues with relationships - not to say this was her fault - i blame myself for a lot as well... but, we truly loved each other and form day 1 were very open and honest about everything... we had maybe 3 major breakups in the 3 years together... and maybe 7 minor break-ups we'd get back after a week or 2...

 

i've been in therapy now.. and she has been pretty much partying and having the time of her life every day... she's incredibly active and moves on super quickly... i just wonder if she will come back, if she realizes how good it was with each other... i have a feeling, she's hating her new job already, she's not happy with the guys she's dating...

 

once her mind is made up to move away from me - would she ever risk trying again? her trust in me is broken - and there's no way i feel i can re-build it...

[Chi townD]

Do you think she will always remember me that way - begging and crying - since it was the last time we saw each other?

 

 

 

Unfortunately, YEP! I mean, come on dude. You even said that at one point she giggled at your pain. She thought it was pathetic and all it did for her was give her one hell of an ego boost. She was thinking, "This is ridiculous! Poor sap can't get over me, he can't find someone new....this is awkward."

 

 

So, you do NC to move on from her. It is a tool to help you heal from this and move on with your life. NOT as a tool to get her back, because it won't work.

 

 

And to be honest with you, one of the first things you wrote was that you two were always on again and off again. If this is the case, did you honestly see this going the long haul? I mean, she was hopping into someone else's bed less than two weeks of ending a 3 year relationship with you. No mourning the loss of you or the relationship.

[anemptycup]

Hey Chi Town - it sucks how it all went down... she was always the one after me - i broke up with her in November,only to find her senaking her way back to me in December when she had no one to be with.. it's fine - i don't regret it - she was alone etc.. but, i was in a good place - i was moving past her.. and then she came back - and with her the revelation that she has adult ADHD - which explained a lot (totalled her car twice in 2 years, went through 4 jobs in 3 years we were together) we both bought the ADHD books and started reading - things were actually great - i then got knocked out in sparring (i train mma) and i was really messed up - and anyway... i broke up with her that week.. and teh next day i regretted it and emailed - but, she already was talking to some guy from cupid, so i think she felt happy leaving me in a more powerful stronger position) anyway.. it is what it is now...

 

honestly, i think deep in side at a subconscious level i did all teh begging, and all teh things i did to push her away from me...

 

you asked me - with the on and off on and off - how did i expect it to last - because, i can't list for you all the pressures we had on our relationship form the outside - money, family stress, distance, work - and not to mention each of us had pyschological issues - her ADHD which was a huge factor.. and my insecurity...

those are things that can all be treated and healed...

 

but at the core - we always loved and were always super attracted to each other - that never faded once in 3 years - we were always drawn to each other... and at the end when we broke up - she said "i'm doing this for you, i'm letting you go"

 

as if she's trying to help me... anyway... it's messed up. but like i said - i have no choice but to move on - i'm not going to contact her... i can do nothing but move forward - work on myself...

 

but, i really do feel i blew something very special by not working on myself and my issues sooner - and by not appreciating what i had enough.

Edited March 10, 2014 by anemptycup

[anemptycup]

Question #1

 

i broke up with my ex - 3 years together... she moved on quickly - first month i begged and pleaded... and i just completed a month of NC - it's been 2 months now since we broke up.

 

some people have told me - move forward - and if it's meant to be - somehow it will...

 

is there any logic in that? sure i might be fishing for hope right now... but, i'm just curious... if that is just a silly romantic notion - or if there is any logic to it...

 

she seems to have moved on very quickly - she's open to communicating.. but, i have cut all contact - mostly so that i can get through this.

 

Question #2

she's dated a lot of people since we broke up.. it's only been 2 months - but she slept with someone just days after our break up - ( i broke up with her)

she's always been very good at moving forward quickly - never stays down for long... she doesn't handle being alone very well - she's been active pretty much daily since our breakup... every weekend going on amazing trips and seems like she's been having an incredible time.. while, i've been more like a turtle.. slowly moving forward..

 

i'm just curious, with each date, with each guy she's intimate with... does she forget us and forget me more and more...

 

i'm sure that's the point of why she's doing it.. but, is it effective? will i be forgotten and a distance glimpse in her memory in another month of her doing this...

 

or is she just going to have to deal with it at some point?

 

i wonder...

[Raena]

It sounds like you need to worry less about what she's doing and worry more about what you are doing for you.

 

"It's called a break-up because it's BROKEN"... so move on and let go.

 

I know, I know... easier said than done but you can do it! Find some hobbies, keep busy, focus on what YOU want out of life and forget about her.

 

Do you really want to try and work it out with some girl who hops into bed with every Tom, Dick and Harry?

[lvroflife]

how old are you two?

 

And

 

who broke up with who?

[anemptycup]

It sounds like you need to worry less about what she's doing and worry more about what you are doing for you.

 

"It's called a break-up because it's BROKEN"... so move on and let go.

 

I know, I know... easier said than done but you can do it! Find some hobbies, keep busy, focus on what YOU want out of life and forget about her.

 

Do you really want to try and work it out with some girl who hops into bed with every Tom, Dick and Harry?

 

 

yeah, i'm doing it - i have no choice but to move on - Darkness is overated... and i wasted a lot of time in life being depressed etc - i'm not going twaste time doing that - i want to move on - but i believe part of moving on is being able to understand what happened - in a healthy way - so we can learn from it...

 

and i'm just not 100% sure how/why she can go on so quickly - she was super trustworthy and awesome when we were together - but soon as it was breakup.. immediately move on and in bed with other guys - is that a common coping mechanism?

[anemptycup]

how old are you two?

 

And

 

who broke up with who?

 

i'm 34 - she's 30..

 

i broke up with her, but the next day wanted to go back, she said no and she has had enough... she couldn't trust me anymore as i had broken up with her several times before - mostly due to insecurity that developed over time - she had no girl friends.. mostly guys..

 

i'm doing my best to move forward - i promise i wont be bugging you all too much...

[anemptycup]

been broken up 2 months now - no contact for just over a month...

my only "contact" - is seeing her profile as "online" occassionally when i'm on okcupid...

 

knowing she's on cupid makes me feel better it didn't work out between her and her rebound. i know it's lame... but, it's the last nugget of connection i have with her... she's HEAVILY active on FB, Twitter, Yelp, meetup.com - you name it... Youtube... she's all over the net constantly posting pics and videos and reviews of how much fun she's having - so, avoiding all that has been a mission.

 

yesterday i took the final step and "hid" her from my okcupid searches...

but, i just "unhid" her now, because i realized i won't show up in her searches, if i do that..

 

i know it's bad - i'm having trouble here...

 

i never owned a cell phone when we were together - so we never texted, pre or post break-up - i am no longer friends with her on Facebook so she hasn't seen any of my status updates nor have i seen hers.... we have zero channels of communication open between us - she can't see if i have been "changing" etc... even if she tried, she wouldn't be able to see any signs of what i've been up to...

 

and i feel that's completely killing ANY hope of her ever wanting to reach out to me... as she'll always remember me the way we last met - with me, in her car, begging and crying....

 

I've been seeing a therapist - i've been meditating every night - i've been doing positive affirmations - been exercising (i train MMA so i need to stay in shape) i eat well - been going out - spending time with family - i've been talking as much as i can about it.. but not lingering on the past - i am improving - sleepless nights and no eating have passed.. and i'm sleeping plenty... and eating... i'm just depressed and heart broken.. still stunned...

 

still can't believe how the person i was closest to in life has completely moved on... and so quickly...

 

guess i just can't move on completely until i feel i have a better understanding of what exactly happened and what was/is going on in her mind - so that i can learn from it all..

 

writing these words i feel help me...

 

i am planning a trip to Thailand soon - to focus on training, and changing the scenery.

 

thanks for reading if anyone has read this far.

[lvroflife]

I will tell you this, since she has moved on so quickly, it means she hasn't dealt with the BU unless she lost feelings for you a long time ago. If that is the case (her losing feelings a long time ago) then she is selfish for stringing you along while she healed (using you as a crutch). If she hasn't dealt with it, her day is coming when the flood gates will open.

 

You are doing very well by focusing on you! There is a thing called "energy" as long as you keep putting positive enrgy out there it will be felt. Stay focused on you, and keep doing you, and watch what happens when the "energy" you put out is so positive!!

[anemptycup]

i'm 34, she's gonna be 30 in a few days... we were together 3 years.

we broke up 2 months ago - have had 1 month zero contact - it has been brutal - she's the love of my life...

 

don't want to blame it all on the ADHD - but in the end it's what drove me to push her away - and i pushed her away too many times, she lost trust and has gone away for good.

 

it was the absence of Empathy that did it for me - i spent the last 2 months analyzing what went wrong to come to this answer.

 

ADHDers have problems showing empathy - it just doesn't register with them - and while i was completely in love with everything else about her - this one thing was enough for me to drive her away - but I only learned about her ADHD a week before our final break-up... and i just feel we could have worked it out had i not been impulsive and ended it...

 

but she has zero trust in me now... and she doesn't want to waste anymore of her time with someone she can't trust - she's getting older and needs someone who can commit to her - i want to be that person - but i am all out of chances - and don't know what to do - i love everything about her - of course there are many little things that irritate - but those are natural in any relationship - and no problem for me - it's just that lack of Empathy i can't handle for some reason - it's like being in a relationship with someone empty... a robot...

 

but i believe knowing the problem is the first to healing it... and our issue can be fixed - mostly by me becoming a better man and overcoming my needs - i have learned that true love is being Whole yourself - and not having to depend on another for happiness... and in this last 2 months i have been re-building those torn roots within myself... to become happy on my own...

 

but here's my question to anyone who may have made it this far...

 

does anyone believe that, if two people are meant to be - they will somehow re-unite again? even after a terrible break-up?

 

i know in my heart she has moved on and i'm probably a distance memory in her mind - and i know that in order to truly love her, i must become Whole myself and be happy without her - i.e not be with her because i need empathy...

 

but, it's just such a hard break-up when 80% of your heart wants to spend it's life with someone, and 20% and maybe even less is having difficulties...

[Strength in Healing]

I personally hate the idea that "if it's meant to be, it will be".

 

To me this is a clear-cut case of a cop out. It is said generally to remove any guilt or self-expectations.

 

I.E., my ex of 4 years who broke up with me randomly went ahead and told me afterwards, in regards to getting back together, "if it's meant to be it will be".

 

To which I said, no, that quote is for people who don't want to feel guilt -- in reality, it will be if it's worked on. Fate only exists in hindsight...

 

 

My best advice to you is keep moving forward. I am right there with you, I know how hard it is.

[anemptycup]

hey SadSadie

 

My ex is very strong and decisisve - and once she's moved on - she's moved on - i really feel there is no hope- she never goes without a job for more than a week - she is an incredible survivor - after our break-up she immediately was dating and slept with another guy - i agree with you - maybe it's because they have learned to be strong - i know she is totally open to talking and wanted to keep in touch - and maybe it was a mistake i didnt - i just felt NC was best way - but i'm not doing well - i feel i'm getting worse as time goes by - and i feel i'm making things worse between us because, she doesn't play games - and she doesn't go backwards - and she probably sees what i am doing right now as a game - emotional black mail - etc...

 

i don't think she will ever contact me - in her mind, she sees my silence i think as dis-interest - as you know ADHDers are terrible at picking up signals and signs - they just respond to what is clear shown - and in her mind she probably thinks i'm over her... or trying to move on...

 

problem with NC is, it's all about NO contact with the person - but what people don't tell you is - that also means no contact mentally - i.e don;t think about the person - i have conversations with my ex in my mind sometimes! seriously - and that counts as contact too - and controlling your thoughts - for some people like me - is firkkin impossible...

 

problem is... if i were to contact her - and what is likely to happen is she will still be OVER ME and worse yet, maybe she is serious about her rebound - he seems awesome actually...

 

anyway SadSadie i would love to chat more - we should IM on skype or something - i think we could share a lot of info and help each other... i understand if not - I really don't think my ex is even considering getting back - she's very decisive when she puts her mind to something - and as you know - ADHDrs love NEw things - so, going back to me (something old) is not really int their genetic make-up...

 

who knows.. every single person is different...

 

i wish you luck with yours - how old are you and your Ex?

Edited March 16, 2014 by anemptycup

[Survivor12]

First of all, if you were really NC, you wouldn't know what she is doing. NC means not only no direct contact, but no contact of any kind. If you're "seeing" her online, it's fuel for your imagination.

 

Secondly, get off OKC! You are not ready to date. Besides, at this point, you're just going to compare every woman to your ex. So stop torturing yourself.

 

Thirdly, if she wants you back, she will find a way to contact you. She knows how you feel about her. If she forgets about you when you're not in her direct line of sight or needs to be reminded that you exist, you are better off without her.

 

As for your question about whether she'll be back, who knows??? SHE probably doesn't know herself. Trying to guess what will happen tomorrow is futile and is crazy-making.

 

What I CAN tell you is that there is no potion or secret to ease the pain--to get past it, you have to go through it. You need to allow yourself to grieve. In time, you will come to accept that it's over. There will be days when you get angry, days when you don't want to get out of bed, and days when you just feel empty and numb. It's a process and it takes time, but, eventually, you will begin to feel better--and the "good" days will start to outnumber the "bad" ones. BUT, be warned--until you are healed, any contact will knock you back and at least some of the progress you have made will be lost.

 

I highly suggest journaling about your feelings (NOT about her) because it can be a good reminder (when you begin to feel a little better)of where you started--and why you don't want to risk doing anything that will set you back.

 

A few other suggestions--

 

Change your routine. If you used to spend evenings together, go to bed earlier & get up earlier.

 

Reach out to people (men or women with whom you've had strictly platonic friendships) you haven't seen or talked to in a while (preferably people who never met or knew your ex). Avoid "mutuals".

 

Tell your friends that you do not want to hear anything about her. You don't need to hear that they saw her on the street or heard something about her.

 

Make a point of eating well, exercising (walking is good if you aren't in to working out. Endorphins are the "best medicine" for elevating your mood. Do good things for yourself.

 

Above all, be aware that your heart will try to lie to your brain. Don't fall for it.

 

Hang in there. You aren't the first--or the only--person to suffer heartache. You will survive.

[anemptycup]

Survivor12 - you're right about "seeing" her online still counting as contact - i've been slowly weening off her i guess - those OKcupid Online status were the last - i sorted them out a week ago and no longer have her on my list - thanks for your guidance - i really appreciate you taking time out to speak - it's actually some of the best advice i have heard since my breakup 2 months ago - haven't had many people to talk to about this that can offer good advice - aside from the okcupid i haven't had any contact for over a month now - we're not friends on facebook - i haven't been on her facebook/twitter or anything else for over a month - i've had no choice like you said - seeing anything is just to painful and adds fuel -but the ok cupid needs to go as well.

 

 

 

unfortunately my head is full of all the **** i did find out in teh first month when i was checking in on her - and all that **** has fueled my crazy thoughts to this day... knowing how quickly she started dating immediately - how she slept with someone else less than a week after we split.. and that she's been dating a lot -

 

and you are 100% right, i'm not at all ready to be on OKC - i DO compare everyone else to her - and even some amazing people i have talked to on there seem super unattractive to me because they are just not her.. but, it's such a huge relief hearing all this from someone else - makes me feel understood and not alone - and i wish i had found this site sooner - the day after my breakup... or a year before my breakup - thank you for taking the time out to speak - it really helps knowing people out there understand and are willing to help.

 

we don't have mutual friends (just online friends) and there's no issues with that - i train MMA so my training has been daily... i can't stop it - or i'll go insane...

 

i'm very close to buying a ticket to Thailand and getting away - do you think it's an ok Idea? I worry about being alone and depressed there - but I just can't stand living where i am right now - long story - but i also lost my house - and my truck died a week after our breakup.. when it rains it pours i guess - been staying with family... since and while i am BLESSED to have them, it' s been driving me slowly insane...

 

i eat very well.. 100% organic and have a strict diet... so i've been watching all that....

 

mostly i am just very depressed - i have no will to live - her presence in my life gave me fuel to want to be better at everything... and now she's rejected me - i feel nothing is worth it...

 

i go for drives every night and listen to love songs on the radio... it helps me feel better - especially those awesome 80's love songs (all my life i loved those songs but had NO idea how many songs are about break-ups!! it's NUTS)

 

and unfortunately the only thoughts that comfort me are ones where i think of all her weaknesses foreseeing her failing at life very soon.... losing her job again - and basically sucking at life... i know those are terrible thoughts to have - but they give me great comfort... it's when i start thinking about her being happier than ever without me - as her first month of facebook posts were adevrtising - when i start hurting...most of all the thoughts that hurt the most and make me depressed are when i think of the guy she immiedtaley started dating, and whether they are still together - i know it shouldnt matter - but it would kill me to find out they are still together and doing well...- her presence on OKcupid actually made me feel better knowing she's still looking - but i need to cut that off - it sucks that it has to be competitive like that in our post break up - like - who's moving on the quickest - but... i feel better tonight -

 

on my drive i just thought more logically about the long list issues that woman had and how i am way better off without her - and all her partying and sleeping around and constantly going out every day since our break-up... isn't as sign of how great she's doing... but maybe the opposite - anyway.. i've just felt super competitive with her since we broke up..

 

her survival / moving on skills are really impressive - but, maybe it's more like the classic story of the rabbit and the turtle... she may be off to a much quicker start... but, it's because she knows that's her only strength.... i might be off to a slower start.. but, **** it - i've always been a turtle... but, i'm more hopeful about where i'm going and what i need to do...

 

or at least that's how i feel right now.

 

again - thank you for taking time out to reply to me - i've read your reply twice already and will come back to it everytime i feel like ****.

Edited March 16, 2014 by anemptycup