Girlfriend left me after almost 8 years

[Logicpro]

"So why is she hanging around? why is her stuff still at home?, why is she still contacting me and coming to see me, she must still be interested in me? no?.... She now asked for her keys back to, (I had changed the locks)...."

 

Because you are a doormat. Some people need to learn the hard way. I wouldn't come get my stuff if I had a fool pining away for me. Actually I would because I'm not that cruel. But why does she do every ridiculous thing she does? Because you allow her to. Why are you afraid to go out there and find a woman who deserves your love?

 

I am giving her the open door for a while longer then its time to move her stuff out and her animals, I am a fair person, I might sound like I am being a doormat but it reality I am not really. I will give a while longer to see if anything comes of things then really move on. I will learn and maybe it will be the hard way for now.

 

I am only allowing time to re connect with her then I will move on to find someone who really loves me and deserves what I have to give.

[HappyLove]

I am giving her the open door for a while longer then its time to move her stuff out and her animals, I am a fair person, I might sound like I am being a doormat but it reality I am not really. I will give a while longer to see if anything comes of things then really move on. I will learn and maybe it will be the hard way for now.

 

I am only allowing time to re connect with her then I will move on to find someone who really loves me and deserves what I have to give.

 

Even if she comes back while this door is open. The simple fact is that you two are not compatible. She's a party girl. You are more responsible. She has no respect for your space and relationship having party's in the house at 3 & 4 am. This relationship is dysfunctional.

[Logicpro]

Even if she comes back while this door is open. The simple fact is that you two are not compatible. She's a party girl. You are more responsible. She has no respect for your space and relationship having party's in the house at 3 & 4 am. This relationship is dysfunctional.

 

Well I can go out and party like the rest, plus she calmed down after the festival period, her head is down to save money now, no going out at all, very surprising!!.

 

She knows that she whats a stead relationship to and one thats normal, she really does. But she needs help with her partying issues. She can only help herself with that, I would be there for her but of course she didn't want that.

 

So her dad is coming over with her this week to 'talk', maybe her dad has gotten to her and made her see sense that the lift style she was living after the breakup isn't a good one and she messing up her future she was building. But I dont know that for a fact, she might be coming down to say I am here to move furniture and my things.

 

Would it be worth while asking her out for some lunch or a coffee to get closer to her again? or do you think thats a bad idea?.... I would love to hear what she has to say after 2 months of breaking up since we have not really talked about us since our emotions have calmed down.

Edited February 18, 2014 by Logicpro

[David87]

So she came over tonight after exchanging a few txts. She was run down and just home from work, called while I was on the way home to ask where I was..

 

Anyway we got in the house, she picked up mail, spend 2 mins with the cats, looked around the house and said she had to go as she was so unwell (infection she has), No 'us' talk or anything at all, picked up her house keys and said thank you for letting her have them back and said I would be available to talk on tuesday when her dad and her wanted to come down to discuss 'what to do next'. Mentioned her furniture again, and said she had no where to out it, mentioned her new place she wants to buy, I said thats great, really positive.

 

Unsure why she needs her dad here, unsure why she wants to talk about moving stuff when she clearly said she has no where to out it, anyway, I looked my best, shirt on toned up, slight tan glow and she noticed that I was looking good, when I pulled up in the car she was sitting in her car, I was going a little fast with loud music on, she smiled at me and laughed in a good way, she knew I was ok and no tears, she mentioned that to, she purposely didn't come to see me for a week or so before cause i was so upset weeks after she left, I would break in to tears when she left, not anymore though.

 

I cuddled her at the door, I said 'comeeee'er' and she hugged me good bye.

 

she was out in the street and I was at the door saying goodbye etc and she said can I borrow DVD and came back to look for it. Then she left again mentioned her dad to me on her way out and said 'he really likes you you know' and her dad usually likes no guys that are with her daughter at all. So that was nice to hear, she really respects her dad and what he has to say.

 

So unsure what to make of all that really. I dropped her a txt saying hope you got back to your mums ok, she said thank you she was just in, and heading for a shower then bed.

 

What next? her move now? no contact now? or continue with contact because things are looking positive now, I have a gut feeling she might want to 'talk' soon, if she changes her suborn ways.

 

What do you suggest here?

 

Why are you still texting her? Hope you got back ok..... that sounds so needy. Stop initiating contact and stop being so available. When she comes to you house tel a friend to help her get her stuff. You already become a dormat in her eyes. Pull back gracefully.

[somecamel]

The past week I've been in a situation where there was a small chance of me and my ex getting back together and I sucked it up and fell hook line and sinker for her games.

 

Not anymore though.

 

She was being all nice to me and I was being pulled back even though I was Ok with the breakup, she then dropped me off and turned it around to all being my fault and how I needed to sort myself out.

 

I'm back to NC now, won't be fooled again.

 

Just be careful, protect yourself, you don't want to go through everything you've already been through again.

 

Stay safe

[Logicpro]

Your all pretty much right, I will go for NC now until she contacts me now for sure, wont be a nice guy anymore either.

 

She just told me today that she is not coming anymore to talk about furniture and her things, as she does not know know how long its going to take to buy somewhere. I said thats fine, I wont be nasty to her, I will be strict towards her but fair.

 

I will see what happens when NC comes into play (hopefully for over 3 days) she called me last time after 3 days. I might just not answer her.

[melell]

Honestly, just ignore her and focus on yourself for the foreseeable future. This is no different than any other situation that justifies 'No contact, forget them, and don't even think about it unless on the off chance they start moving mountains to get back'.

 

You have made this all too easy on her, and way, way too hard on yourself

 

I absolutely hate being walked all over in any circumstances. Even when I was little I would never be able to just lay down and take it- I would automatically respond all full of pride and what not- It is interesting after reading so many posts on here I really do think my being that way is what made my ex have a legit change of heart. During the break up I was really nonchalant, but really firm, and I offered no interaction that was more than 'yes, you can collect your things today', and 'yes', 'no', 'ok'. I only ever replied if it was about belongings, or shared bills, everything else I ignored. There was one conversation I participated in, it happened a month or so after my going cold-it went something like this

 

ex 'what have you been doing'

me 'this and that'

ex 'please tell me'

me 'na'

ex 'I miss you'

me 'uh, ok, thanks'

ex 'are you with someone else'

me 'possibly'

ex 'can we talk about things'

me 'not now'

ex 'when'

me 'I dunno, someday I guess'

 

and so on..

 

 

I really think my not rolling over, and not allowing any connection was the thing that made him so desperate to reconcile. And I really did become the dumper because of it.

I don't think this should be something people do to get there ex's to return, but it certainly is a good way to preserve your pride and confidence- rather than have it taken all away by someone that really doesn't care that much.

 

Sorry for the long posts and adding so much about how it was for me. I really feel for you in this situation, it isn't an easy thing to go through.

[Logicpro]

Honestly, just ignore her and focus on yourself for the foreseeable future. This is no different than any other situation that justifies 'No contact, forget them, and don't even think about it unless on the off chance they start moving mountains to get back'.

 

You have made this all too easy on her, and way, way too hard on yourself

 

I absolutely hate being walked all over in any circumstances. Even when I was little I would never be able to just lay down and take it- I would automatically respond all full of pride and what not- It is interesting after reading so many posts on here I really do think my being that way is what made my ex have a legit change of heart. During the break up I was really nonchalant, but really firm, and I offered no interaction that was more than 'yes, you can collect your things today', and 'yes', 'no', 'ok'. I only ever replied if it was about belongings, or shared bills, everything else I ignored. There was one conversation I participated in, it happened a month or so after my going cold-it went something like this

 

ex 'what have you been doing'

me 'this and that'

ex 'please tell me'

me 'na'

ex 'I miss you'

me 'uh, ok, thanks'

ex 'are you with someone else'

me 'possibly'

ex 'can we talk about things'

me 'not now'

ex 'when'

me 'I dunno, someday I guess'

 

and so on..

 

 

I really think my not rolling over, and not allowing any connection was the thing that made him so desperate to reconcile. And I really did become the dumper because of it.

I don't think this should be something people do to get there ex's to return, but it certainly is a good way to preserve your pride and confidence- rather than have it taken all away by someone that really doesn't care that much.

 

Sorry for the long posts and adding so much about how it was for me. I really feel for you in this situation, it isn't an easy thing to go through.

 

Great advice! thank you very much, very clear. So I am going to try this out right, She dumped me and i have made it super easy for her to come back, come and go and she pleases, I have been in contact with her today for 2 txts, so thats it, ended out txts on a good note, she laughed at my joke I made about her and asked who I was going out on Thursday to dinner, She asked where, when, who with. I didn't tell, didn't reply. lets see what happens when i play a little harder to get and rougher. It will be hard to NC but I think it might do her good, at the end of it she will come back or will move on completely I hope.

 

I done it before, she lasted 3 days, then txted me, i didn't reply, then called me, I didn't answer, then she came to the door after she called a third time.

 

I will be short with her, like you demonstrated in your post, not rude or nasty, but just to the very point, yes, no, etc etc. We have no bills together anymore, only 2 animals and some furniture/clothes/stuff in the way. She wont need all that right now anyway, so NC it is.

 

What do I do if she shows some kind of emotional chat and wants to come back etc etc, do i NC her still or re connect with her?, She will have to show some huge amount of mountain moving TBH before I will listen, proof and dedication she's in it for the right reasons again, ground rules etc will have to be discussed on both sides anyway. Lets get over NC first see what happens.

[Logicpro]

Just an update on some thing I am looking for help with.

 

I left NC for 2 days, she contacted me asking how her cats were, I was polite and to the point on the phone etc, then we left it at that.

 

Then I find out she has been on a social media app talking with about 4 other guys, 3 of them I think are just friends but one I think she has had contact with everyday (snapchat). I have also been told she is going out with her gay friend who now says she is the most special person in her life, is he even gay at all...... i wont fall for games but this seem odd to me, their relationship over the last year has been very close indeed!, I am 100% confident he is gay however but starting to wonder now.

 

I put everything aside and thought of the situation in her shoes and decided to ask her out to talk, i said I have not been completely honest with her since we broke up and I needed to talk to her, she said...

 

She didnt see any point in talking as I have had opportunities to talk before and didnt, but I didnt want to talk then as I was upset and very emotional. I want to say we both had our issues but these have now been sorted out on my behalf anyway and I am getting on with life which she knows, doing well for myself etc. Showing her i have changed for the better without her and that I dont need her.

 

I said in reply to her, I didnt feel I had a chance before as she was always with someone etc.

 

She said she would think about it and get back to me.

 

This talk will hopefully start her to reconcile. If it does not I am at the point to just tell her to move her stuff out and take her animals right away so I can get on with my life, she wont be getting anything from the house or from the sale of the house, she walked away from all of that when she left me. So if talks break down should I do this? I know it will be the last time I ever see her if I do, no going back...

 

Does all that sound fair? do you guys have any other information to help me get back with her?, I really want to but I am also prepared to accept it and move her out for good.

 

Thanks guys!

Edited February 21, 2014 by Logicpro

[Logicpro]

So another update,

 

After talk to her via txt today after saying it wasn't all my fault etc and she choose to walk away etc, I said i was sorry for it all and we were both to blame!, she she it me that made her walk not some other guy, not anything else, she fell out of love with me, I explained that she once wasn't in love with me and she could again love me and I wanted to meet up face to face.

 

Saying to her why chuck it all away? whats the point if we can just sit down and talk about it and talk about us and what went wrong and why. She said he feeling had changed for me, its hard for her, but she will get there, whats the point in talking now after 3 months break up she said.

 

She resisted for about an hour, no texts so I just came out and said it.....'Do you want to talk about this, yes or no' very blunt and to the point.

 

She replied with a simple 'Yes' and a 'don't get your hopes up here, I am willing to talk but thats it right now'

 

I said great when can we do it, she explained what she had on this weekend etc so looks like sometimes next week I will have my chance. I said to her give me a call over the weekend or something is you want, she said ok I will.

 

If jot does not go well its that time she will have to move all her things out for good leaving her in a tight stop for sure, or do I keep them as promised until she gets somewhere?. Is she leading me on? or to? is there a chance here for me?

 

Advice?

[Chi townD]

So another update,

 

After talk to her via txt today after saying it wasn't all my fault etc and she choose to walk away etc, I said i was sorry for it all and we were both to blame!, she she it me that made her walk not some other guy, not anything else, she fell out of love with me, I explained that she once wasn't in love with me and she could again love me and I wanted to meet up face to face.

 

Saying to her why chuck it all away? whats the point if we can just sit down and talk about it and talk about us and what went wrong and why. She said he feeling had changed for me, its hard for her, but she will get there, whats the point in talking now after 3 months break up she said.

 

She resisted for about an hour, no texts so I just came out and said it.....'Do you want to talk about this, yes or no' very blunt and to the point.

 

She replied with a simple 'Yes' and a 'don't get your hopes up here, I am willing to talk but thats it right now'

 

I said great when can we do it, she explained what she had on this weekend etc so looks like sometimes next week I will have my chance. I said to her give me a call over the weekend or something is you want, she said ok I will.

 

If jot does not go well its that time she will have to move all her things out for good leaving her in a tight stop for sure, or do I keep them as promised until she gets somewhere?. Is she leading me on? or to? is there a chance here for me?

 

Advice?

 

Yeah, when you have to twist a girls arm to talk to you, it's better just to walk away.

 

She's already told you that she doesn't want to come back. She's already told you that you can talk until you're blue in the face, she isn't coming back. So, if she's told you all of this, then what is the point of talking to her?

[Logicpro]

Because I do believe that she deeply does not to loose what we had, she once told me that a few months before out breakup. Yes her feeling have changed now but if we don't talk I could be letting a chance go past me to get back with her.

[Chi townD]

OKAY!!! Good luck with that! But, I'll warn you that when a woman as made up her mind, not even an act of Congress will make her change it. I hope I'm wrong, but that doesn't happen too often!

 

Sorry, I wish you had this much motivation with moving on as you do to try and hold onto a girl that wants to leave.

 

You'll figure it out.

[somecamel]

So another update,

 

After talk to her via txt today after saying it wasn't all my fault etc and she choose to walk away etc, I said i was sorry for it all and we were both to blame!, she she it me that made her walk not some other guy, not anything else, she fell out of love with me, I explained that she once wasn't in love with me and she could again love me and I wanted to meet up face to face.

 

Saying to her why chuck it all away? whats the point if we can just sit down and talk about it and talk about us and what went wrong and why. She said he feeling had changed for me, its hard for her, but she will get there, whats the point in talking now after 3 months break up she said.

 

She resisted for about an hour, no texts so I just came out and said it.....'Do you want to talk about this, yes or no' very blunt and to the point.

 

She replied with a simple 'Yes' and a 'don't get your hopes up here, I am willing to talk but thats it right now'

 

I said great when can we do it, she explained what she had on this weekend etc so looks like sometimes next week I will have my chance. I said to her give me a call over the weekend or something is you want, she said ok I will.

 

If jot does not go well its that time she will have to move all her things out for good leaving her in a tight stop for sure, or do I keep them as promised until she gets somewhere?. Is she leading me on? or to? is there a chance here for me?

 

Advice?

 

She's is being pretty straight with you apart from blaming it on you and not another guy, it's pretty obvious she's off because of another guy.

 

I've been through the same recently and you're in the begging stage, please do yourself a favour and move on, getting to the anger stage is cool:)

[Logicpro]

Thanks guys, my family say the same thing. So I will say my bit to her and then thats it, if she don't want to sort things out then its time for her to move her things and cats and move out completely.

 

I will update you on what she says, if she still meets me, if she does not meet me or make a date i will take that as a she does not want to sort anything out and will ask her to move everything that same day.

 

Anger has kicked in now btw, so I will keep you all posted to what happens.

 

Thanks