Youngy952 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Hi guys, new on here! I've recently been going through a break up, which to be honest has been pretty abrupt. We had been together for around 6 years, from a young age (around 17 years old). We have been through a lot, I've read about the G.I.G.S on this forum and i'd say she has put me through that a couple of times now! Anyway, we broke up around early 2011. We had a month or two apart, some strong arguments and she decided that she did in fact want to be with me. After this, we moved out of our parents homes and got our own place, things were great. Just how I knew they could be. Despite some rough times that we've had together, I genuinely thought that this girl was the one for me and my best friend. Mid 2011 and she falls pregnant, not planned but we both considered it great news. We moved out of our flat, into a house in a nice area. It was perfect. Upon the birth of our son (Spring 2012), I was ecstatic. I had the girl of my dreams, a child and our own place. I felt so close to her, so attracted to her. This is pretty much where our problems started. It'd be easy to say it was the stress of having a young child to now look after that caused our problems, but we were both pretty relaxed about it (possibly because we are quite young) and despite this we've got an intelligent, healthy little boy. She suffered with post natal depression (a condition I couldn't really understand / felt pretty helpless with). She went to see her doctor, who got her started on a plan to help her, which involved support from her family and friends, being more active etc. This didn't work (although I was oblivious to it not working, as I still saw a relatively happy person on the outside) and her depression worsened. A few months later, she arrived back from the doctors, this time with anti-depressants, which we talked about and my view on them being they can be incredibly hard to stop taking. Ultimately, she took them as directed by her doctor and again, I assumed she was doing OK. We split last October (2013). It was pretty sudden, she told me that she was moving out with my son as the relationship wasn't working. Angrily, I decided to leave. For around a week I had moved back to my parents house, in which time she still remained in contact with me, just like friends. In fact we probably got on better than we had for a while. After a week or so, we decided to talk and resolve our problems. One of the key things we decided that needed to change was communication. If she didn't like something I was doing, she needed to tell me and we could sort something out / compromise. Likewise with her. Things were good between us, or so I thought. Christmas was stressful, with the usual financial worries etc. The way i'd describe our relationship, was comfortable. I felt secure with how things were going, which in turn made me happy. I also thought she was happy, we laughed, joked, we were normal. Moving on to early January and she went to see her doctor again, sort of like an update. We'd had a pretty bad week, she felt distant, wasn't coming to bed at the same time and seemed to be attached to her phone. I made it known that I was a bit annoyed with these things, frustrated even. Anyway, she arrived home from the doctors and told me that she can't be in this relationship anymore. Again, I felt helpless and as though I had no control over anything, so I left. 5 Weeks on and i'm still pretty much rock bottom. I've had lots of time to reflect on what went wrong. I'm aware that at times I had been lazy (I did cook, clean and look after my son though). I can also see I perhaps wasn't helpful with her depression as the subject was pretty alien to me, which should be no excuse really but on that front I did fail her. I guess I buried my head and just sort of plodded along with things, never anticipating the probability of losing her. It's made worse by her asking my friends around Christmas time, whether I'd found "the one" (her) and that she wanted to marry me. I had so many plans for this year and they've all been destroyed now. She has made it all too clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me . It just feels as though she has just complete shut off her emotions with me, with how sudden things happened and the complete lack of emotion she is showing. I'll leave it at that for now, I feel I may have rambled a bit! Any help / advice would be a massive help.
Liz1978 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Hello Youngy952. Im really sorry to hear this. It's not your fault, don't blame yourself for what has happened. My advice, is that you could give her some time to heal, to find herself again. Give her space. Try to be patience as much as this is possible and show to her that you are there for her and for your son. That's my friendly female advice I can give you. Good Luck and hang on..
Liz1978 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Hello Youngy952. Im really sorry to hear this. It's not your fault, don't blame yourself for what has happened. My advice, is that you could give her some time to heal, to find herself again. Give her space. Try to be patience as much as this is possible and show to her that you are there for her and for your son. That's my friendly female advice I can give you. Good Luck and hang on..
sportzhl24 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I agree with the above poster. The best and only thing you should do right now is give her 100% space, while still being attentive to your son of course. This girl has broken up with you multiple times before so it's not that surprising to me that she did it again. But you cannot blame yourself. Pick up the pieces of what you have, and move on dude. She may seem like an angel, but in reality she's just a girl who has hurt you and rejected you. Everythings gonna be fine man just keep your head up
Author Youngy952 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Quick update: Just after that post, it got worse. She has made it incredibly difficult for me to ask simple things like whether I have any mail at home. So I texted her earlier to say i'm coming to get my mail. I walked in and found a DVD player had been purchased, various "romantic comedy" DVD's, a bottle of champagne with two wine glasses and an empty pizza box. I questioned her and she confirmed it was the guy she recently added on facebook (around 2 weeks ago). We've been apart for 5 weeks and her reason was she is doing it for our child whom she does not want being brought up in a relationship, like her parents (in which she doesn't believe they should be together). I flew off the handle and threw a plugged in lamp across the room. Our child saw all of this and was petrified, I am disgusted with her for giving me reasons to get out of the relationship, to then contradict herself completely by spending a romantic evening with another man. I am more importantly disgusted with myself for doing such a thing in front of our child, it was horrible. I'm really struggling now, because it has confirmed exactly what I thought: she has dumped me to be able to pursue other men.
Author Youngy952 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Another update: I've gone to NC for the last couple of weeks or atleast very limited due toving a child. I've started to feel much better and although I'm still not entirely happy, I'm certainly in a much better place. Anyway, a few days ago i got a call from a local mediation in regards to our child. I found this bizarre as we have a good arrangement in place which allows me to look after our child whilst ex is at work. I am going to refuse mediation as like i say, our arrangement is a good one for both of us and there is absolutely no need for mediation. I texted her asking her what it was all about and got no reply so I called her (not quite NC) and we discussed it. The call mainly consisted of her talking above me which is one of her traits, which I calmly dealt with by asking her to let me speak. We then got talking about things that happened, or rather what didn't happen during our relationship which led us to where we currently are. I remained calm and understanding whilst she pinned all of the blame on me. I felt good about the exchange and think I dealt with it well. I certainly didn't resort to begging or trying to change her mind. Instead she got emotional at times and I could tell she was upset when telling me all of my failings. Any thoughts? I think this mediation business is a chance to gain my attention and show that she still has some control and generally wants to make things difficult. Initially I thought she may have seeked mediation 3 or 4 weeks ago when it may have made a tiny bit more sense to do so, although when I asked the mediation lady she informed me that it was requested that very day. It's all a bit bizarre! Any thoughts would be appreciated, now to s
Author Youngy952 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 That last bit should have said time to sink a few beers with friends!
Author Youngy952 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Here's my story (with updates along the way): http:// http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/461032-recent-break-up I've surrounded myself by friends, I've been as NC as possible (as we have a child). I kind of knew she was seeing someone else. She left me and within 2 weeks she was on dating apps and found someone. I've now found out she is in a relationship with the new guy(Facebook). I haven't been checking her facebook, or his for that matter as they have both been blocked by me, I had found out from a friend. This knocked me for six and I feel like I've been knocked back a few weeks. I guess I'm just venting, last night and today has been incredibly difficult. It's as though some other guy has stolen my dreams and my life.
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Young I am sorry you are going through this! She is coward and selfish... This new relationship appears to be a rebound. And as we know most rebounds do not last, once the blinders and the honey moon phase is gone the realness comes. And some people do not handle that well. Plus this other dude must know that she left you for him, which in the back of his mind he knows she can do it to him. I'm not saying that they will not last no one knows that, but more than likely they won't.. 6years can not be replaced by a few months... She is on a high right now with newbie, but when that high is done, she will be back to earth... She has not face her emotions from your break up as she is distracted with this guy, and soon she will have to face it... At that point you will be well on your way to healed and thinking with a clearer mind... She will be stuck to start from phase 1 of the break up... and in my experience that is when she will reach out... It happened to me when I was in a 7 year relationship. She left for someone else while I was left to sort it out... Once I got my head right (about 2.5-3 months) she called, I met up with her and was not attracted to her at all.. We tried dating and I wont lie some feelings came back but my trust was GONE!!! Just continue to focus and work on you!!!
Author Youngy952 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks for your reply and advice! I've just found out aswell that her parents have looked after our child this weekend. So: Last weekend I had our child Monday - child was at nursery Tuesday - my ex looked after child Wednesday - child at nursery, I pick her up and my ex put her to bed Thursday - ex looked after child Friday - child at nursery, I pick her up and ex puts her to bed Weekend - child at exs parents house Next week - same routine just with me having child at the weekend. All in all it means my ex has cared for our child 4 times in 2 weeks. Yet her reasons for the spkit were to focus on being alone and our child.
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Again, she took the coward way out, and not being honest! She will learn from her deceit.. Do not wish illwill on her, only hope for the best for her and that she is able to grow... She has to learn and she will, she MOST likely Later on down the road will regret leaving you. But do not bank or focus on that you become a better you for YOU and your child, and the next girl will love you liek you won't believe! Well let me say your next relationship!!!
Author Youngy952 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) Another update: She has texted me a couple of times about trivial matters (financial things). This is despite me telling her that communication needs to be done with my parents not me. When we split she blocked me from whatsapp instantly. Well she must have recently unblocked me as I can now see an image next to her name, her status and her last active. Funnily enough her image is of her and the new man and her status is of some heart felt lyrics. She has blatantly unblocked me just so I could see this. So, I blocked her. She told me last month that the reason I don't recognise her anymore because she has never been as happy as she is now (bare in mind that she is on meds for severe depression). Also she beleives I should be communicating with her and that I need to move on (she told my parents this). The reason I can't communicate with her is because she is a vile, lieing, manipulative cretin of a human being. It has nothing to do with me moving on. From my point of view - actually choosing to unblock me on whatsapp when she can happily text me if need be, minimal contact about trivial matters, telling me she is happy and saying I need to move on (despite having no idea as to whether or not I have moved on - which I'd like to add I'm doing great!). To me this all adds up to her not being tok convinced of the choices she has made. More fool the new man! Edited March 20, 2014 by Youngy952
Author Youngy952 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 (edited) Wow, two weeks ago - more bizarre behaviour. She sent me a text asking me what i'd say if she offered to start again a fresh. I said no, explaining my reasons. She then replied with "good, I just wanted to be sure that your negativity isn't because you want me back". Crazy. I haven't been negative entriely and I only have when she has taken days to respond via text to me in regards of our child or me collecting belongings etc. I've consistently told her that she split up with me, I got over it. She insisted I move on, I did. All i want is decency in regards to our child. It's almost as if she wants me to be chasing her, because that's the way our previous mutliple breakups have been. Any thoughts? -Also, we needed to change arrangements for our childs care because our working lifes have recently changed. She insisted that it should be face to face as she was tired of communicating via text. I declined as I thought text was fine and then we'd have a log of communication. In the end she was so difficult and slow to respond I had no choice but to meet her. She was defensive about everything and nervous. Edited April 24, 2014 by Youngy952
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