TranslucentThoughts Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 My ex broke up with me about 4 months ago. "I love you, but im not in love with you" I'm sure many of you have heard my story... and all my complaining and asking for help since then. Heh... Well anyway... I want to know how you start being friends with an ex? He acts kind of weird sometimes... We're both in our last year of highschool right now in the same school... and yesterday we had a spare together and we sat and talked in the library for the whole period... Just about random things... and we laughed and joked around and it was really friendly. (I was the one who approached him) We also have a class together in which we sit right beside eachother. He seems to have mood swings in this class. One day he'll be all friendly and talkative, another day he'll say hi and that's all... and some days (like today) he'll ignore me. Although... I don't really go out of my way to make conversation with him in class. I just get a vibe from him like he's not interested in talking to me on that particular day. Haha. Hmm.. ok... well.. I guess I have 2 questions. What's with the mood swings... and being able to talk to me like we're great friends for over an hour and then barely being able to mutter two words in class. And... how do I work on becoming closer with him on a friendship basis? I already know that we would never be able to get back together. The timing is terrible and we're both going in totally different directions after highschool. I just want us to be able to have good memories as friends before the year is over... we had lots of great times before the break. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I see exactly what you're thinking. The mood swings might not be mood swings. He might be trying to portray a certain image to someone else in the class. Like he's not seeing you anymore. Could be he hasn't really made up his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Think of how you became friends with your best girl friend. Did you work on ways to become her friend, or think of strategies to get closer to her? No - you just became friends out of mutual interests and enjoyed each other's company. That's how it should be with this guy - you just let the friendship happen and evolve naturally, and talk to each other when you feel like it and when you get the chance. Unfortunately, when love was part of the equation and it is a "backtrack to friendship from a relationship" its not as easy. You try to form a friendship with someone that you knew intimately - you can't "un-know" that stuff that you already know about each other - and sometimes that knowledge you have about each other is the big fat elephant sitting in the living room of your friendship. It can be uncomfortable reestablishing boundaries when you've already passed those 'friend' boundaries long ago. It can happen, but it has to happen just like any other friendship - naturally. Pushing or making any sort of extra effort might be seen as an effort on your part to make it into something more than a friendship (that might not be your intent at all - but it won't stop him from being afraid that's what you are trying to do). You can't force closeness and friendship - you just have to let it happen. If you see him - talk to him and be friendly. If you don't, don't fret over it. I know you want to hold on in some way, but he isn't under any obligation to return your overtures of friendship, no matter what you may have shared in the past. It sounds like he enjoys your company, but it also sounds like he is playing it safe as to not get drawn back into a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TranslucentThoughts Posted January 22, 2005 Author Share Posted January 22, 2005 Thanks so much for the replies. I really like to hear other peoples opinions... it really helps me to look at the situation differently and to make better decisions for myself. I really appreciate it. I understand that I should be natural about trying to be friends.. and I've tried. Like the example I gave in my initial post..just going and talking to him when he was on his own and looking bored. And it went well that time. But... I'm confused now and actually really upset with how he's been treating me...I wish I knew what he was thinking or how he felt... its frustrating. I feel like he hates me sometimes. Yesterday he was sitting alone again so I went and said Hi and sat with him... he was reading his book... and he wouldn't even look at me.. I tried making conversation... and nothing... hardly any response... he was cold to me and it hurt. How can he just ignore me like that? I don't get it at all... I have never done anything wrong to him and I know that I haven't. Today he snapped at me in class. We were having a class discussion sort of and someone said something that I didn't think was relevent to the conversation topic and I kind of thought out loud to myself "What does that have to do with this?" But no one else heard me accept him because he sits beside me. And he got all defensive and was like "WHAT?, It has everything to do with it, What are you talking about?" He totally jumped down my throat and I wasn't even talking to him! It made me so angry... Like, He can't mutter 2 words to me when I approach him in a friendly way... but he can snap at me out of NOWHERE? He's being a complete a**h*** lately and I really want to know what the hell is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Maybe he is trying to make a break from you completely? It sounds like he is doing his best to discourage any friendship with you by being an ass to you. I doubt he hates you - but it could be that he is putting a wall up in the best way he knows how to keep you at a certain distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TranslucentThoughts Posted January 22, 2005 Author Share Posted January 22, 2005 Why would he want to keep me at a distance? He hasn't even given a friendship a chance. (he did sleep with me on new years though) which we haven't talked about. I know he doesn't want to get back together and that's fine. I don't want to get back together with him either. I just want us to be on good terms and not have him treat me like this for no reason. If he doesn't want to be friends he should just tell me that... But I don't know why he wouldn't want to. We get along well... (or used to) our break up wasn't bad... like there was no anger or anything involved. He was crying on the phone when he broke it off... (as was i)... but i mean... I just dont understand... what is he afraid of and why is he pushing me away like this? If he as a reason thats fine..... but i'd like to know what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
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