WhiteOrchid Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If a BS reconciles with their WS then just how much pain did the WS endure? Having their BS spit in their face and kick them out or walk away themselves is pain in my book. Honestly, I can't believe what my WS has put up with since D-Day in order to fix our marriage. Believe me, I have put him through a lot. It isn't like I just forgave him and boom - it's back to how it used to be. The fact is that marriage is dead - and a new one is building, with a different set of rules and boundaries that we sadly never had before. It hasn't been easy, for either of us. But we both believe it is worth it. It took us almost losing each other to realize what we had, as sad as that is. I was a raging maniac for several months, crying and yelling at him practically every day. Asking him the same questions over and over again (which he patiently answered again and again). Reminding him constantly of the pain he had caused me - even when I am not trying to do so (such as when we see something on TV). Practically smothering him with my need to be with him and know what he is doing all the time. He feels immense guilt and shame for what he did, and he struggles with it. And he has been building my trust back because he has changed so much, which he has consistently proven for 7 months. Became completely transparent (access to phone, emails, etc), which was a big deal for someone such as him who greatly values his privacy. Ditched relationships with people who aren't "friends of the marriage." No more "boys night out" - big lifestyle change from the social butterfly life of the party that he was. Helping out more at home. Being thoughtful and romantic. Basically being the husband I always dreamed of that I wish he could have been from the beginning. Frankly, it would have been easier for him (really both of us) to just cut our losses and move on. We are relatively young, have no kids, both have good jobs, could have easily split our assets. He would have had no shortage of women welcoming him with open arms. Basically, everyone needs to do what is best for themselves. Every relationship is different. Some marriages cannot be fixed, others can. But I've learned a very painful lesson about judging other people's choices (I used to be very adamant that I would never give a cheater a second chance, until it happened to me). 5
Author cocahouts Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I cheated in all of my relationships and no surprise that all of them eventually went to hell; in my current relationship I cheated once and my girlfriend found out- it was a year into the relationship; I did amazing things to win her back and did whatever I could to make her forgive me, I don't think she ever will because anytime we have a fight she brings up the subject but we've made it work....(let other details be left alone) but there is one thing I've learned; is that when you cheat in a relationship and then the other person forgives you, you will be living in the constant state of fear that they will do the same to you....that is simply terrible. I'm sorry I haven't replied in a while, My wife had an EA and now that we are working on it I've noticed that she is all up in everything of mine. It feels like she is experiencing this fear. I don't spend as much time in here that I wish I had, my pain is starting to fade some. I do feel like the Rage comes out here and there, my friend lied to my face for years to get with my wife and I ignored the signs....I am so pissed. I catch my wife making poor comments about herself here and there so I think she's truly Remorseful. She's just been a bitch about it lately so it's making it hard, I like to think it's because i'm changing. I hope so anyway. Catch you guys in a little bit.
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