cocahouts Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I am looking for a betrayed spouse that was married for more than 15 years with children that feel like they're on a successful recovery. I'm not looking for a hookup, but would like to be able to chat with someone that has gone through this mess and feel like they are finally starting to recover. my wife had an affair with my best friend who turned out to be a snake and used us. I'm looking for anyone who would be willing to share so I have somebody to chat with every now and then about this kind of mess, and of course vice versa. Thanks out there
experiencethedevine Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I am looking for a betrayed spouse that was married for more than 15 years with children that feel like they're on a successful recovery. I'm not looking for a hookup, but would like to be able to chat with someone that has gone through this mess and feel like they are finally starting to recover. my wife had an affair with my best friend who turned out to be a snake and used us. I'm looking for anyone who would be willing to share so I have somebody to chat with every now and then about this kind of mess, and of course vice versa. Thanks out there My husband's near four year affair ended 16 years ago. We have been married for 25 years, together for 27 and thank God each day for what we have now. Out of the ashes can come a great deal more than sorrow my friend. Please feel comfortable to send a private message. 1
tired girl Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I second what experience the devine says. My husband and I are R after we have both stepped out on this M. We are R and I think doing fairly well considering the circumstances. I don't personally pm with men, but can see about getting my husband to sign up here.
Author cocahouts Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 I sorry to say I don't know how to PM you guys, and I understand chatting with another Man looks iffy especially because I was looking for friend, I'm not looking for that kind of Friend. The scumbag that cheated with my wife was a supposed to be my best friend, I only knew him for about 2 years because of our kids but now that my wife and I are talking and being extremely open it seems like he started moving in on her within months. I would love to go into more details but I would like to keep some animosity on the site. experiencethedevine, if you could pm me or tell me how I have a huge story to tell and would love to have some honest feed back. Tired Girl, I understand and wouldn't want my wife chatting with someone else to but would love to meet (online) him to get a guys point of view. I like the website but was looking for a little privacy and advice from someone with "experience" with this not just all the haters. Thank you, both of you for the good wishes
Author cocahouts Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 I get it now.....I'm not a Established Member so the PM is off for now. Any idea how long or how many posts till I move up? 1
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I get it now.....I'm not a Established Member so the PM is off for now. Any idea how long or how many posts till I move up? Used to be 60 or 70 posts, but that was a long time ago for me. You could always become a paying member. I don't think it's very expensive. Good luck finding what you are looking for!
ComingInHot Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 M'd 10 years then H cheated. Still M'd and at 15.5 year mark. We're R'ing as far as the A is concerned but still struggle with personality issues (he fanes this is how God made him, he "can't change which EVERY ONE knows is cr@p*) but for better or worse he Is trying and slowly (like snail pace slow) he is changing. Will he cheat again? Don't know. BUT I DO Know what I'll do
experiencethedevine Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I get it now.....I'm not a Established Member so the PM is off for now. Any idea how long or how many posts till I move up? As untouchable states, it is something to do with the number of posts one makes that offers the privilege of private messaging. I am unable to offer more to you at this time.
anne1707 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 As untouchable states, it is something to do with the number of posts one makes that offers the privilege of private messaging. I am unable to offer more to you at this time. It's around 50 posts and being a member for at least a month I think so a few more posts and the OP can PM. 2
Author cocahouts Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Anne, Thank you for the info
Author cocahouts Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 experiencethedevine, Hopefully we can keep in touch for a little bit.
Author cocahouts Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 ComingInHot, I'm happy that you guys are making it, there's nothing simple when God gets involved so I'm happy he's trying. Thank for all the help guys
Author cocahouts Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 "I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.." - Richard Dawkins anne1707 signature....I have to agree with this one - I will never tell you that your beliefs are wrong, just don't expect me to blindly follow them.
road Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 How did you find out about the affair? What have you and your WW done to recover?
rumbleseat Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 We've been married around 18 years now. My h had an A many years ago. Our kids are getting close to adulthood now (at least one of them). Our R process was somewhat unconventional, but it worked for us.
Author cocahouts Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 I was talking on the phone with the wife when she said she had to go, she never hung up and I heard my friend come in my house and start talking about her Breasts right away. She offered them up and I started to lose it. 4 minutes later I could hear them on my couch and he was in and out with in 10 minutes. They didn't know I knew so I planed and collected evidence. I filed for divorce and was about to drop the bomb on her but she melted down and lost it when I confronted her. Begged and pleaded before she knew I had all the evidence and told me everything I asked. I all pretty much matched up so I think she's been honest. There has been no contact and I took the guys career away, sexual misconduct of a "Govt" official(Sort Of). He might lose his 19yr pension, retirement, etc....Bastard so I am pushing it. He did a lot worse that's another 10 pages of my going on and on. she's been cooperating with anything I've wanted and we've been seeing a MC and some IC for both of us. We've been working but there have been a lot of rough days. That's why I'm looking to chat with someone (Male if possible) that caught the wife of 15plus years with kids that made it. We are around the 6month mark. My details are a little off but it's about the jist of what happened. Thank everyone out there....this site has been a huge help and I wish I knew about this awhile ago
Author cocahouts Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 All my details are a little off here and there but the jist of it is what's happened. Life is a mess...
Author cocahouts Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Sorry for some of my useless replies, trying to get my count up to get promoted. Any guys out there that stayed with their wives after a short EA. Like 15 years married 1
tired girl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 My husband and I have been M for 26 yrs, we were separated when I had my two time encounter. He was told beforehand and afterward. Problem is, I don't think he believed I was going to do anything, so he was still a bit blind sided. There was no EA on my end with this person, although at the time I was talking to someone else about what was going on between us. This person had been my step brother and that was how I saw him, the problem came in when this person stopped seeing me that way and I had to end the friendship. My H has had his share of EA's in our M, and we are working through that. We keep our affairs separate. He has his own pain because of what I did and I respect that. He has had to work through the feelings of betrayal just like any other man, our circumstances have not saved him any pain on that end. Is your wife doing the work of understanding that this is her problem? This was not due to the marriage? Is she getting into counseling?
snappytomcat Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 been married almost 20 years,have two grown daughters. husband cheated,it was a 3 year long distance affair,mostly emotional,which hurts just as much,and they met 3 times. dday was june of last year,he begged me to stay,and recover our marriage,i was hesitant at first,as I was so hurt,and devasted,and furious,but now iam happy I did,we are doing well,its getting better each day now the good days outweigh the bad,its not easy and we still have a lot of work to do,and its not perfect but no marriage even without infidelity is perect.
compulsivedancer Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Any guys out there that stayed with their wives after a short EA. Like 15 years married You should look up Owl.
Penorsword Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 (edited) I was talking on the phone with the wife when she said she had to go, she never hung up and I heard my friend come in my house and start talking about her Breasts right away. She offered them up and I started to lose it. 4 minutes later I could hear them on my couch and he was in and out with in 10 minutes. They didn't know I knew so I planed and collected evidence. I filed for divorce and was about to drop the bomb on her but she melted down and lost it when I confronted her. Begged and pleaded before she knew I had all the evidence and told me everything I asked. I all pretty much matched up so I think she's been honest. There has been no contact and I took the guys career away, sexual misconduct of a "Govt" official(Sort Of). He might lose his 19yr pension, retirement, etc....Bastard so I am pushing it. He did a lot worse that's another 10 pages of my going on and on. she's been cooperating with anything I've wanted and we've been seeing a MC and some IC for both of us. We've been working but there have been a lot of rough days. That's why I'm looking to chat with someone (Male if possible) that caught the wife of 15plus years with kids that made it. We are around the 6month mark. My details are a little off but it's about the jist of what happened. Thank everyone out there....this site has been a huge help and I wish I knew about this awhile ago I am in a very similar situation to you and would very much like to talk to a male that has truly made it through this as well. I'm about 6 months out from dday and it sometimes feels as if I will never feel better if I don't leave. I do not want to leave my wife nor does she want me to leave. What I realy need is hope and reassurance I think. I need proof that it can get better. That I can be happy again. That my wife's affair will not rule my thaughts and emotions as long as I stay with her. I don't know if I can pm but I'd gladly post my email address if needed Edited February 19, 2014 by Penorsword Typo
experiencethedevine Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I am in a very similar situation to you and would very much like to talk to a male that has truly made it through this as well. I'm about 6 months out from dday and it sometimes feels as if I will never feel better if I don't leave. I do not want to leave my wife nor does she want me to leave. What I realy need is hope and reassurance I think. I need proof that it can get better. That I can be happy again. That my wife's affair will not rule my thaughts and emotions as long as I stay with her. I don't know if I can pm but I'd gladly post my email address if needed I can attempt to assure both you and cahouts that the age old adage 'time heals all wounds' is as true under the conditions of a deep psychological traumatic event as it is any other life changing occurrence. If you are both truly committed to the gargantuan effort of recovery,, with sensitivity, selfless gentleness and a willingness to bare oneself in entirety, you can find peace with such a traumatic event and move to a place of contentment. Yes, things will be difficult, and the scars will remain, but they will simply fade into something that needs no attendance in the majority. You will never forget such a trauma, but you will learn to understand its nuances. Repair is not for the faint hearted, and is an arduous journey in itself, and you will question yourselves along the way, but some things are worth enormous concession, are they not? My husband and I have travelled this very journey to a place of contentment, devotion and a mutual respect. We are different together as a result of his affair, of course. We knew that our relationship had lost its innocence and that could never be regained, but what we did discover was new meaning and a deeper understanding of the delicacies of our love for each other. We are fortunate indeed, and value every day we see together. 2
waterwoman Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 When/if we do finally make it, I'll let you know. Right now it's a work in progress 3
drifter777 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I am in a very similar situation to you and would very much like to talk to a male that has truly made it through this as well. I'm about 6 months out from dday and it sometimes feels as if I will never feel better if I don't leave. I do not want to leave my wife nor does she want me to leave. What I realy need is hope and reassurance I think. I need proof that it can get better. That I can be happy again. That my wife's affair will not rule my thaughts and emotions as long as I stay with her. I don't know if I can pm but I'd gladly post my email address if needed Contrary to what others might say, the age old adage "time heals all wounds" is not true at all. The passage of time may dull the sharpness of the pain and the clarity of the memory, but that's about it. It's what you do with that time that can make a difference. Do you have kids? I strongly believe that a man only attempt reconciliation if his WW is remorseful and willing to do anything to make it up to him and if there are young children involved. IMO, take away either one and reconciliation is just a painful waste of time.
Recommended Posts