Author wasntlooking Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I so appeciate everyones responses. Ive read each and every one. This may be one of my last posts for awhile. Need a break. Was going to throw out some of my thoughts here and lll read any responses that you may have. 1. I am completely aware of the issues i will have if i break NC. I understand that. Dont think i dont. 2. not saying my situation is different but i never heard him say anything when i said goodbye. People have said thats all i needed to hear but ive tried and feel like i need to just have that one more chance for him to say something even if its not what i want to hear. I know its a pretty good chance it wont be what i want. 3. I really dont want to get back into the A at all. Just need to hear what it all meant. Really, i dont want back in. 4. In regards to my marriage i think i detachd myself before the A and havent been able to attach since and i know its because i havent let go. 5. My husband would do anything for me. Thats where i am cofused. I have such a great man right here. I have told him im not sure if i feel the same way towards him anymore. That scares me a lot. Im thinking i really may just not have itn me anymore and that makes me so sad. 6. In order to give my M one last shot, i feel like i need to let A go but its hard because im not even sure what it meant. 7. I dont want to break nC because i know its wrong and i want him to think im strong and am doing ok. Dont want to show im weak. 8. I get so much attention from all areas of my life and it drives me nuts that this brief A is still all i think about. 9. Some days im great but other days i cant function without knowng and people are starting to notice. 10. My husband and i work opposite so we barely see each other maybe an hour a day. That situation may be changing soon so im holding out hope that it will get better when our work schedules do. We are like ships passing in the night and i hate it. So sorry if this is all random. Im just getting it out there. Im taking a break from posting because i feel ive become redundant. Not sure which way i will go. Please still respond. I will read all responses. Ive taken myself off social media sites lately too and it feels really good. No temptation there anymore. Baby steps. In my case , little tiny baby steps. 1
Author wasntlooking Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 And i do know my husband deserves way better than this. I just so sad that i may not have it in me but feel l need to let A go in order to know for sure and the only way i feel i csn let A go is give XAP a chance to explain what it all was to him. I knkw, i know. And i think im ready for any kind of response or lack of. I dont feel like i csn be any more upset than i am now. Silence would even be an answer to me. Even though he gave me silence before i feel like after this NC period he may have calmed down enough to respond. I knkw i know......... 1
PurpleCardigan Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 3. I really dont want to get back into the A at all. Just need to hear what it all meant. Really, i dont want back in. I've been there, too, wanting to know what my relationship with my exMM meant. Did he really love me? Will he remember me fondly? Or was I just some piece of a*s to help him through his boring marriage. In the end, I learned that he was never going to give me what I wanted in terms of a conversation validating our relationship. And besides, I'm not so sure that I would have believed him anyway. He was a liar -- to me, to his wife/family, and probably others. Please face the facts that your OM isn't going to give you what you want in terms of validation and closure ... you have to find it in yourself. I am achieving closure by focusing on what he meant to me. I loved him and will remember him fondly. It absolutely sucks some days and I struggle to function but those days are thankfully far and few between. I'll remember him forever in my memories, and if he doesn't remember me...well, that's his loss. Plus I can't control what others do, I can only control myself and be true to what I felt for him at the time. Eventually, I will find someone new and hopefully get married. You will either decide to stay in your marriage or get divorced and find someone new. But you can still remember him fondly. 2
FoolishOW Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Please let us know (when you're ready) what conclusion you eventually come to, and whether it helps/helped you to reach a more solid conclusion about your recent relationship. Either way, your experience is likely to help some struggling in a similar way. All the best to you on your journey of letting go... In time, you're gonna be just fine.
jellybean89 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I am confused on why you keep saying he didn't respond to your goodbye letter...you had posted: ...the hardest part in all this i think is when i sent goodby email to him he just sent back "its ok" and thats it. In general i wrote how much i enjoyed meeting him,and that i was falling for him but know that things will never really change. So i told him he was a good person and father to his boys and that if anything should happen in the future not to forget about me. So that was generally what was said . And got a " its ok" back. Thats it. You told him goodbye. Did you want him to try to talk you out of it? Is that why you feel you don't have closure? I hope in time you come come to terms with the ending of the affair. good luck.
Author wasntlooking Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Thank you all. Youve been there for me to vent when i had no one else to tell. Who knew such a brief blip in my life could affect me so much. Lesson learned. Now just to see what voice in my head will win. Hopefully the right one. I will touch base later hopefully when im in a better place. I wish good things to you all and i hopd i at least helped someone. 2
inappfriendly Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I've been there, too, wanting to know what my relationship with my exMM meant. Did he really love me? Will he remember me fondly? Or was I just some piece of a*s to help him through his boring marriage. In the end, I learned that he was never going to give me what I wanted in terms of a conversation validating our relationship. And besides, I'm not so sure that I would have believed him anyway. He was a liar -- to me, to his wife/family, and probably others. Please face the facts that your OM isn't going to give you what you want in terms of validation and closure ... you have to find it in yourself. I am achieving closure by focusing on what he meant to me. I loved him and will remember him fondly. It absolutely sucks some days and I struggle to function but those days are thankfully far and few between. I'll remember him forever in my memories, and if he doesn't remember me...well, that's his loss. Plus I can't control what others do, I can only control myself and be true to what I felt for him at the time. Eventually, I will find someone new and hopefully get married. You will either decide to stay in your marriage or get divorced and find someone new. But you can still remember him fondly. Well said, Purple Cardigan. I wholeheartedly concur with all of the above! Particularly regarding creating your own closure. I've said it before that remembering him fondly feels like coming full circle. Letting go of anger, anxiety and resentment is freeing. And, like you said, is he doesn't think of you in the same light, his loss! We have zero control over that and breaking NC won't change a thing. Wasntlooking, you and I are in such a similar situation. I want you to know I am feeling everything you are. Hopefully that is normalizing enough to bring you a little comfort. Healing happens at YOUR OWN PACE. You'll get there. WE'LL get there. I remind myself daily that it is improbable that I will die from this broken heart. All the best!
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