spiritofjosh Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 We didn't date very long but while we did it was incredible. It was obvious from the start we fell for each other instantly. Unfortunately we moved a little too quick before getting to know each other fully, I got paranoid a little too much about what she was doing when I shouldn't have. After giving me a couple "talks" about how she'd never hurt me, she got tired of feeling like she couldn't be trusted that early into a relationship and ended it. We've been broken up for three months now. I went nc and deleted her off Facebook. I've talked to other girls, none have really worked out, etc. A few weeks ago she randomly messaged me on facebook, said some apologetic stuff, not about our break up or us, but saying she was sorry for being rude the last time we spoke, even though she wasn't rude at all really. And that she hopes everything is good. I couldn't help thinking it was just an excuse to contact me because the last time we spoke it had been 3 weeks prior and the message she wrote totally could have been avoided, it was rather pointless. I didn't really know what to say so I just said "no hard feelings, hope all is well with you." I went on how I had been previously with no contact. Last night is why I'm even posting here. While we dated I bought tickets to see this band, a band she has never heard of prior to me mentioning I bought tickets. I showed her them but she wasn't overly excited. I hadn't been thinking about her much lately but last night while I was at the show with friends (it being an hour away from our area) I see her walk in, completely surprising me, because after all she wasn't exactly thrilled about them. It was an actual concert so the show was big and there were a lot of people. She texted me asking if I was there, of course I was so I said yes. She texted me a few more times about random things not really relevant to anything. While the band I came to see started their set, she texted me asking if I was on the floor, I said I was at the stage and 5 minutes later she taps me on the shoulder, all smiles and stayed there the entire show. Everytime I'd turn around I'd see her looking at me or turn to look at me. I was at the front left of the stage, so I wasn't in the direction of the band for her to be looking at. I find it no coincidence she asked where I was and wiggled through tons of fans jumping around to "end up" directly behind me. I wasn't very friendly to her though and didn't say anything, just acknowledged she was there basically. Today I just felt the urge to text her and say it was nice seeing her as a more a joke because it was obvious I wasn't being friendly. She said I didn't seem to happy to see her and claimed her ending up behind me was an "accident" which I refuse to believe. But she was nice and asked if I still had her movies and if she could meet with me to get them back. I said I was rarely home and always busy, and she just said that if I remembered, to let her know when I was around. But when we had broken up, she mentioned me just leaving her movies out for her to pick up at her leisure, not get them from me directly like she mentioned now. I kept the conversation going more by asking how she was. She started bringing up stuff to ask me so specific I was surprised she even remembered. Specifically as in she asked if I ever finished the "Fender Jazzmaster/Jaguar" project I was working on when she knows nothing about guitars. And if I sold my Volkswagen Jetta yet that I had as a project. The way I spoke to her was sort of cocky, like I was completely fine with my life (for the most part I am, excluding her popping up at the worst times). I said I was great and hopefully getting a new, higher paying job, and all she had to say was she was "ok" and lost her old job and works with her mom for now. I feel like I handled it well, that I didn't come off as desperate to speak with her, not even the slightest other than asking how she was. Thing is, I want her back in my life. I literally haven't been happier that I can remember than while we were dating. Yesterday I woke up to a facebook friend request from her, I accepted but didn't do anything else, just went on my normal business. This past week she's been liking almost everything I'd post, including lyrics to songs I know she doesn't know..sappy "I want/miss you type" lyrics. One thing I noticed was last Saturday, the day after she "ran" into me, she posted a song which was a song I had shown her and she liked a lot when we dated. And I also notice I'll post something and she'll like it hours after it's posted, but notice that she never "likes" anything any of our mutual friends post, even ones I'd think she typically would. Do I think the Facebook stuff is all that important? No but it's definitely making her presence known. I'll also point out she's still single and as far as I know, isn't "with" anybody. Since the text I sent her Saturday its only been Facebook activity until 2 days ago where she texted me in the morning, asking how I was and how my mom and her boyfriend were, but she kept the conversation brief. Today I posted that I think I got the new job I told her about on facebook, she "liked" it then texted me saying congratulations and that she's happy for me. Today after work I fell asleep but woke up around 11 pm to a missed call from her and texts saying she was with our mutual friend at the bar and that she asked why I wasn't with him and wishes I was. But again, she kept the conversation somewhat short. In all honestly since I'm not sure what her intentions are, I'm being very aloof. To the point where I can see that I may look uninterested but I don't want to rush into reconciliation IF it's what she does want, I'd rather take this slow. Her actions now are almost identical to that of how she was when we first started talking, taking it slow not spilling her guts but picking up speed as the days went on. To end this long story; how should I take this? Just keep doing what I'm doing and let her text me? I can't really see her making her presence so noticeable just to be friends because this is all out of nowhere. Yet, why text me to keep the conversations short? Thanks in advance.
matt_1987 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 to me this looks like either attention seeking behaviour or an attempt to reconcile, either out of a sense of guilt or loneliness, not necessarily starting anew. She is keeping you on short conversation just to check out if she still has a grip on you, just like a small snack, enough to feel satisfied. I guess it's up to you now: what do you want? are you happy with the way things are going? or do you really want her back for good? if I were you I'd find out within yourself first and act accordingly afterwards, you are running the risk of being her comfort buddy, while keeping you wondering what these mixed signals mean. how about a coffee and a serious talk? all the best pal
Author spiritofjosh Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 to me this looks like either attention seeking behaviour or an attempt to reconcile, either out of a sense of guilt or loneliness, not necessarily starting anew. She is keeping you on short conversation just to check out if she still has a grip on you, just like a small snack, enough to feel satisfied. I guess it's up to you now: what do you want? are you happy with the way things are going? or do you really want her back for good? if I were you I'd find out within yourself first and act accordingly afterwards, you are running the risk of being her comfort buddy, while keeping you wondering what these mixed signals mean. how about a coffee and a serious talk? all the best pal First thank you for the response and the time it took to read it, I really do appreciate it. And you're point/opinion has definitely crossed my mind. I try and look at this from all angles, even the negative ones I don't want to come to terms with. From my perspective she's got her life how she wants, she can get any guy she wanted. She's beautiful, has a great personality, funny, witty, smart, everything a real man could want. So the fact she's giving me this attention but not (in an obvious fashion at least) other guys tells me I MAY be more than just a safety net she can fall on because nothing else is there for now. I've been that guy before with other women, and they just aren't "there" as frequent or pronounced, Ex) text, facebook, etc. But to go with what you said, the whole time we've been broken up I couldn't make sense of it. I'm naturally just a pessimistic guy, so I always look at things negatively more than I should, but her and I just seemed perfect. She made me optimistic, positive, and most importantly, happy. So to elaborate, yes I would love to be with her again, but I'm taking this slow. When we talk (last night she actually texted me until 3 am, bringing up our past together a little more now) I speak to her as I did from the very beginning, when I wanted to win her over. I almost asked her what she was up to with this sudden contact but stopped myself. I do not want to rush her and will try not to pry information just so we can move to where this is going without stress. Thank you so much again.
matt_1987 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 First thank you for the response and the time it took to read it, I really do appreciate it. And you're point/opinion has definitely crossed my mind. I try and look at this from all angles, even the negative ones I don't want to come to terms with. From my perspective she's got her life how she wants, she can get any guy she wanted. She's beautiful, has a great personality, funny, witty, smart, everything a real man could want. So the fact she's giving me this attention but not (in an obvious fashion at least) other guys tells me I MAY be more than just a safety net she can fall on because nothing else is there for now. I've been that guy before with other women, and they just aren't "there" as frequent or pronounced, Ex) text, facebook, etc. But to go with what you said, the whole time we've been broken up I couldn't make sense of it. I'm naturally just a pessimistic guy, so I always look at things negatively more than I should, but her and I just seemed perfect. She made me optimistic, positive, and most importantly, happy. So to elaborate, yes I would love to be with her again, but I'm taking this slow. When we talk (last night she actually texted me until 3 am, bringing up our past together a little more now) I speak to her as I did from the very beginning, when I wanted to win her over. I almost asked her what she was up to with this sudden contact but stopped myself. I do not want to rush her and will try not to pry information just so we can move to where this is going without stress. Thank you so much again. aaaaa we, the pessimists...aren't we a cursed kind? or a blessed one? guess it depends on how you see it hehehe anyhow, it really sounds like you are on the good track: I believe that as long as you let her play her part you'll be on the winner side, always. never be too clingy or push too hard...it takes guts and A LOT of self control, but you proved you can do it ("I almost asked her what she was up to with this sudden contact but stopped myself." Well played my friend). plus, remember that women are genuinely attracted by indipendent and confindent men (some people call them "alpha males", which I kinda like). by showing her that you WANT her, but not NEED her, you'll be far more attractive and she will consider you as potential partner much more seriously. in conclusion, if you play your cards right and the feelings are still there, they will grow. if it is meant to be, it will be. enjoy the ride brother...it's all we have best
Author spiritofjosh Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 aaaaa we, the pessimists...aren't we a cursed kind? or a blessed one? guess it depends on how you see it hehehe anyhow, it really sounds like you are on the good track: I believe that as long as you let her play her part you'll be on the winner side, always. never be too clingy or push too hard...it takes guts and A LOT of self control, but you proved you can do it ("I almost asked her what she was up to with this sudden contact but stopped myself." Well played my friend). plus, remember that women are genuinely attracted by indipendent and confindent men (some people call them "alpha males", which I kinda like). by showing her that you WANT her, but not NEED her, you'll be far more attractive and she will consider you as potential partner much more seriously. in conclusion, if you play your cards right and the feelings are still there, they will grow. if it is meant to be, it will be. enjoy the ride brother...it's all we have best Well, unfortunately I did ask her anyway haha. I went to a brewery with a few friends Saturday night and got a growler filled with a in-store made beer that's brewed with absinthe. So when I got home Saturday night after drinking a good amount I was on facebook and saw she was on, so I messaged her, not in the clearest of mind. She actually was asleep when she got the message but I just said, in a playful tone, that I think it's just weird she popped up out of nowhere to start somewhat regular contact but it may just be the beer I drank saying it. That was all really, didn't question her. She texted me the next day asking how I felt and if I was hungover so I told her about the place I went to and she said it sounds like a lot of fun. A few minutes after she said about my message that if I don't want her talking to her that she understands, but she misses me and likes hearing from me. I don't know if it was a mistake or not but I said I missed her too and I also like to hear from her (truth) but personally I don't like the idea of being friends with exes because I don't like being front row of watching them ending up dating some idiot. This was 3 hours ago and she didn't respond. No clue how to take any of whats going on, I've never been this confused about a girl before. I don't know if what I said was the wrong move, or why she didn't have anything else to say but I'm not going to text her to ask. Upon her response to my message she didn't drop the "friend" bomb on me, I guess I jumped to that conclusion but again, I'm surprised she didn't respond with at least an "I'm sorry you feel that way." I guess we'll see if she says anything else, IF she does.
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