eternal.denied84 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Hey, I went on a date with this girl whom I had been talking for a month. The talks were going good, chemistry was working and so we decided to meet. long story short I moved too fast on the date night and ended up kissing her and get involved in foreplay. She didn't seem too much into it but at the same time she was not completely disinterested as well. She enjoyed kissing and as far as I knew date went well until next day when she stopped responding to my texts and calls. Two days passed by and I receive a message from her saying whatever happened that night was not right. She was not comfortable and she thinks we should not carry this any further. After that I have sent at least 10 messages and called her at least 10 times requesting her to just talk to me once and let me say Sorry. However, I have not got any reply from her whatsoever. I am so desperate for an apology because I think that I have hurt her by making her feel bad about herself. What do I do ? Am I ever going to hear back from her ? Should I keep trying or back off ? Could there be other things she is so mad at me or is it just that I moved too fast ? May be she anyhow felt that I am not the guy and now she is using what happened as an excuse to just get rid of me ?
Omei Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 she used you or really felt no connection she told you she's not interested in going further very clearly and you're being somewhat stalker like, accept it for what it is and leave her alone. 2
Author eternal.denied84 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 she used you or really felt no connection she told you she's not interested in going further very clearly and you're being somewhat stalker like, accept it for what it is and leave her alone. I don't think she used me. She said she wanted to take it slow, I was the one who rushed into it and spoiled it. would she want to give me another chance when she cools down a little bit or it it like first impression is the last impression and she is clear she has got nothing to do with me hereafter ? I am okay to move ahead but I have been seeking a chance to apologize. My question is why is it so difficult for her to just hear me out once ? I have been begging for 5 minutes of her time for just to apologize. lastly, She is on my fb and I find it difficult not going to her profile again and again. Should I go ahead and block her or would that be rude and further complicate the situation ?
RedRobin Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Let her go. She said she wanted to go slow... You pushed things and now there are regrets... I would do the same as her... No matter how much I initially liked the guy. It sets up a dynamic I wouldn't want repeated... Which is a chain of disrespect... And him thinking he can just push me instead of listening to what I have to say from the get go. Plus.. I figure if a guy is pushing for intimacy that soon from me.... Then he is likely doing that with every girl he meets. Not interested. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 You really need to let this go. Stop calling and texting her; that will only annoy her and create more resentment towards you, I can guarantee that. Why do you feel the need to apologize? She clearly doesn't want to hear it. Do NOT continue to push this, OP. Respect her decision to end it and let go. Delete her from FB. It's not rude and she likely won't care. You got attached way too quickly and are continuing to demonstrate inappropriate behaviour. It's not ok to text 10 times and call 10 times when you're not getting any response. It makes you appear very clingy and a little crazy, and it also shows that you don't respect her boundaries. Stop.
BikerAccnt Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Seriously, you need to let this go. Not only did you push her past the boundries she was comfortable with (here's a hint, don't only listen to what they say, listen to what they DON'T say) now you are acting needy/clingy. I can understand why she doesn't want to answer you. She's afraid you just won't let it be. Kind of like the guys who argue with someone on OLD when they are politely turned down. 1
No Limit Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 You went too fast and now she can't take you seriously anymore, especially if she was looking for a real relationship rather than a quickie. You'll never hear from her again.
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Hey, long story short I moved too fast on the date night and ended up kissing her and get involved in foreplay. She didn't seem too much into it but at the same time she was not completely disinterested as well. That says it all, when you are with a lady let HER show you up to what point she is ready to go. You do NOT press someone into foreplay when she doesn't seem too interested !! You get into foreplay when she is showing you CLEARLY she wants it from you! Two days passed by and I receive a message from her saying whatever happened that night was not right. She was not comfortable and she thinks we should not carry this any further. After that I have sent at least 10 messages and called her at least 10 times requesting her to just talk to me once and let me say Sorry. However, I have not got any reply from her whatsoever. This is her wish, respect it, again you are ignoring her boundaries and pushing it to a disrespectful level. If a man tried to call me 10 times after I said 'I do not wish to see you again' I would report him to my local authorities. What you are doing is stalking her. I am so desperate for an apology because I think that I have hurt her by making her feel bad about herself. Nah, you don't want to apologize. If you wanted to you would have left a heartfelt apology on her voice mail and you would have left her alone. This is just an excuse to get to talk to her, and try to manipulate her into seeing you again. What do I do ? Am I ever going to hear back from her ? No you won't and she is smart for not talking to you. You are not the kind of man we can have a last talk with. You're the type that don't listen and only want what they want. Should I keep trying or back off ? Leave the woman alone and be thankful if you don't get a visit from an law officer. Could there be other things she is so mad at me or is it just that I moved too fast ? May be she anyhow felt that I am not the guy and now she is using what happened as an excuse to just get rid of me ? She told you why, she said what happened was not right. She doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Respect her wish!!! 2
Janesays Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Sounds like you were pretty crappy in bed. I'd let it go. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Let it go, you blew it. I also don't consider foreplay making love. You were too intense, too fast, too loose with your morals for what she obviously wanted. You weren't compatible. At this point if you keep bothering her, she may call the police because it is stalking. Move on, G 2
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 After that I have sent at least 10 messages and called her at least 10 times This is where you just stop, you have to know that you're going over the top here and making yourself look pretty bad. Part of being an adult is knowing when to let it go, it can be something as little as being overcharged at the checkout or being kicked to the curb after a date and going to far in trying to right a perceived wrong.. Next......
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 She wasn't into it but was not assertive enough to reject you on the spot.
SunnySide0418 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 If you like her so much WHY would you keep going when you KNEW she was uncomfortable????? How selfish and disrespectful can you get. And now you expect her to still want to be with you after you blatantly disrespected her? Not going to happen buddy. Leave her alone!!! 2
deathandtaxes Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 OP, it's guys behaving like you that make it really hard for some women to get out into the dating pool. It takes one guy acting like YOU to really screw up things. Put the shoe on the other foot. What if you went out with a chick, and just wasn't really feeling it on the first date. And you even be nice about saying thanks but no thanks to a second. And then she blows up your phone begging to talk to her etc etc. She texts ten times the first day. Calls ten times the second day. WHAT WOULD YOU THINK? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? 1
Tayken Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Sounds like you were pretty crappy in bed. I'd let it go. Now Now...steady...the OP said "kissing and foreplay", since when has that counted as "making love" as indicated in the thread title? OP...this is where I pull out the .... song again. Bombarding her with texts and calls isn't a good idea...it will make you look like a stalker instead of you thinking she is being 1
Mrlonelyone Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Unless the OP sexually assaulted the woman or something the he did not "go too far". Let's flip it around and say a woman was writing in about a man. We'd call the man a player. OP the woman you were with is a female player. The difference is that female players also like to think they are "good girls" and innocent and virginal. After a time one learns to spot them and read their body language and actions not their words. She wanted you, went on a date with you, had her fun with you, and now she's done with you. Blowing up her phone, etc was the wrong approach. Since a player like her needs a player of a man. If you had acted genuinely disinterested in seeing her again, she would have come calling eventually. In fact if you delete her from all social media and don't call her again, she may call you... in a few months. A genuine guy like you will have moved on by then. Just move on, she's a player she used you, and your not a player and a user. Not a good match. 3
veggirl Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 dude when someone is ignoring you or tells you they aren't interested, you don't continue to blow up their phone. it makes you look psycho. save the sexual stuff for later on, first date is too soon for most people... 4
what_a_blonde Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Unless the OP sexually assaulted the woman or something the he did not "go too far". Let's flip it around and say a woman was writing in about a man. We'd call the man a player. OP the woman you were with is a female player. The difference is that female players also like to think they are "good girls" and innocent and virginal. After a time one learns to spot them and read their body language and actions not their words. She wanted you, went on a date with you, had her fun with you, and now she's done with you. Blowing up her phone, etc was the wrong approach. Since a player like her needs a player of a man. If you had acted genuinely disinterested in seeing her again, she would have come calling eventually. In fact if you delete her from all social media and don't call her again, she may call you... in a few months. A genuine guy like you will have moved on by then. Just move on, she's a player she used you, and your not a player and a user. Not a good match. ^^^Interesting spin and I have to agree... FIRST, however, I will say that calling/texting her 10 times after she said she was no longer interested was a little (LOT) much. Jot that down as a lesson learned... However, it sounds like you said she was going with the flow of things and making out etc... however decided you two were incompatible for whatever reason after. It probably hurts to come to terms with that, but at least she told you sooner than later. As a female, I'd like to flip the tables and say that if a man I liked kissed me on the first date, but then text me a couple days later saying sorry but he thought we were incompatible...etc., YES I'd be a little bummed (especially if I really liked him), but I'd be glad he let me know before it got any further. Sorry this happened, but let it go and move on! No more contacting her... this one is long gone and it's probably better that way for the both of you. Edited February 16, 2014 by what_a_blonde
Author eternal.denied84 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Unless the OP sexually assaulted the woman or something the he did not "go too far". Let's flip it around and say a woman was writing in about a man. We'd call the man a player. OP the woman you were with is a female player. The difference is that female players also like to think they are "good girls" and innocent and virginal. After a time one learns to spot them and read their body language and actions not their words. She wanted you, went on a date with you, had her fun with you, and now she's done with you. Blowing up her phone, etc was the wrong approach. Since a player like her needs a player of a man. If you had acted genuinely disinterested in seeing her again, she would have come calling eventually. In fact if you delete her from all social media and don't call her again, she may call you... in a few months. A genuine guy like you will have moved on by then. Just move on, she's a player she used you, and your not a player and a user. Not a good match. Here is the update. I get a text from her saying that I am a real nice guy and I don't need to prove this to her. She forgives me for what I did. She genuinely liked me when she spoke to me but when we met she somehow could not feel the connection. She also mentioned that I should not say that I have fallen for her else she would feel bad and that she believes, I deserve a good girl and I will keep her happy Keeping in mind that I get this text after I emailed her and I wrote in my email that I have deleted her contacts and I will delete her email id too in order to comply with her request for not bothering her. Now - is she a player or not ? voila all this time I was thinking that she is upset because of what happened but is that really the case ? I think she just blew me off because she was done with me. I do not deny the fact that I pushed the things but as someone said it takes two to tango..There were two people involved. I guess if a girl doesn't like something she has all the means to stop it right there. If I read between the lines she did not put the blame on me for what happened. All she said was- what happened was not right and she doesn't wish to carry this further.This could very well be a scenario where her attraction just faded away. flip Side- she could really be a genuine girl and may not able to trust me now since I moved too fast.May be She now have the impression that I am too desperate or loose character to think about a serious relationship. She probably didn't stop the things because she is not too assertive as someone pointed. I actually liked her but I would definitely not be interested in her if she is a player because I am not. So you think I should delete her from fb ? Is that a sign of weakness because I wonder why she hasn't taken that step yet when she is the one who doesn't want to continue. ? Is it because she doesn't want to hurt me more by kicking me out from the social media as well ? Edited February 16, 2014 by eternal.denied84
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 You told her you had fallen for her?? Before or after your FIRST DATE! Are you ok? I mean are you suffering from any type of syndromes that would keep you from understanding social cues? There is nothing to it. She is not a player, she did not delete you from FB because she has not gone on FB yet. NO NOT every woman is equipped to push away a man!! As per your own words she was NOT into it and you went on with it. I am starting to think she DID give you clear indication she did not want to pursue the foreplay but you were unable to read her, just like right now you are unable to read she is letting you down easy and politely ........because ANY other women would have told you already to F-O!!
Mariposa10 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 She's not into you. I'm sorry. You need to stop contacting her, please!
Mrlonelyone Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 My friend, lets call a spade a spade, one you are reading too much into this. She is just not into you ok. Those emails were unwarranted. She will forgive you ? She is a player in the biggest sense of the word. She didn't stop you right ? She either got what she wanted or you were not good at what you were doing, but lets focus on she didn't stop you. You don't strike me as the type that would hold a woman down. She consciously and knowingly made a decision being intimate with you. Do not let her blameshift the situation to make it your fault. The communication after this happened could of been done differently. You are a genuine guy it seems, and she is gutter trash. You just cannot let her make you think YOU did anything wrong. THIS OP, female players often couch their actions in such emotional terms. You informing her you were going to go NC and stop stroking her ego made her reply. People like her need what is called narcistic supply and hate feeling abandoned. They want to be the one doing the leaving. For your sake just go NC now and don't pay her attention unless she initiates it. 1
RedRobin Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Just want to state for the record that if a guy tried to push me like the op did... He would be dumped. and yes.. I would come up with a gentle way to do it because lots of women learn that guys who do that get mean as hell otherwise. I have zero respect for men who need to push to see what they can get away with. It is the best way to eliminate disrespectful, insecure... Or just plain man whores... Some of us have our own ways to test a mans morals too. What does a woman need to do to get you to stop OP? Tell us.. How did the evening end exactly?? Not sure how anyone thinks she is a 'player'. What exactly was she getting from him??? 2
RedRobin Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Why exactly she did allow it to happen ? Why is the ownus on the male ? Does she not have a say what happens ? Me thinks she does. Why is the onus on the male? Because they need to prove they are a man of good character in order for things to proceed... I shouldn't need to bring a gun on a date or be obliged to be mean or act like a jerk to him to get him to stop. Doing what he did does nothing to build trust. She said she needed to go slow and he should have respected that. He made the date a negative experience for her... He has demonstrated in more ways than one that he does not care about her feelings. She did have a say... She told him she needed to go slow. He ignored her. He is still disrespecting her with his persistent texts. Edited February 16, 2014 by RedRobin 1
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