Finding it hard to not see women as shallow

[IDontKnow123]

I'm a 20 yo guy. I've never had sex neither have I had a girlfriend yet.

During middle school and high school I was a pretty ugly/awkward looking guy. I was also really scrawny and small.

I got bullied in my last couple of years in high school, and a lot of girls were pretty rude/pretentious/mean to me only because I was 'ugly'.

 

I started working out in College, gained a lot of muscle and lost a lot of my baby fat. I also grew a few inches. I got my braces out, and my face started changing. During about a 6 month interval, I noticed that my face went from an awkward looking boyish face to a more 'manly' face that wasn't awkward-looking anymore. Sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror, I'm surprised because I barely recognize myself.

 

The treatment I get from girls now has totally changed. They're overly friendly and flirty to me. They're really nice to me now for no obvious reason. Girls will stare at me to the point of it being creepy. I get really self-conscious in public because I notice a lot of girls staring at me.

 

I'm finding it really hard to not find women shallow because I know that when a girl is being 'nice' to me, it's not because they are genuinely really nice, it's just because they think I'm 'attractive'.

I know that guys are equally as shallow, however there's this stigma that women are the less shallow of the two sexes when it really doesn't seem to be so.

 

I'm at a loss and I find myself entering a mindset where I genuinely loathe women, and I don't want this to happen. But, I keep remembering how I was treated before compared to how I'm treated now and I just can't help but think that most women are shallow.

I've also noticed that people (not just women) treat me differently in the sense that they expect me to have virtues that I don't necessarily possess. They expect me to be confident and outgoing when I'm quite the opposite.

[CrystalCastles]

It's not fair to paint a whole gender with one brush simply because you had some run-ins with a couple of b*tches.

 

I've dated a few players who made it clear that they wanted to get into my pants on the first date. Even after those experiences I don't reject guys because I don't think it's fair at all to assume every guy is a player, simply because I went on dates with a few players.

 

There are many women for whom beauty isn't #1 on their checklist. There's a guy I like and he's got a bit of a tummy, nor is he the hottest guy I've seen but he's a total sweetheart and he's ridiculously smart (and I consider intelligence to be the most attractive trait). I think he is considerably more gorgeous than some ripped, hot dude at the gym. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

Maybe those shallow chicks thought you were ugly but not every woman is going to think you're ugly. Not every woman is going to value looks to the same level as those immature girls who bullied you. Besides, this was in high school where people in general are stupid and immature, and don't seem to understand how much damage their insensitive words can cause.

 

I think that if you don't change your mindset, you will be alone and unhappy for a very long time. You're also giving those bullies power by dwelling on the hurt they caused. The best thing you can do for yourself is realize that there are stupid, shallow and judgmental people everywhere and you can't take them seriously. Otherwise you can hurt some great women out there.

 

Plus, if someone finds you good-looking, that's not a bad thing and it doesn't mean that's all they think. If a woman wants to date you, she should find you good-looking because it's difficult to have sex with someone you're not physically attracted to.

[SJC2008]

I know that guys are equally as shallow, however there's this stigma that women are the less shallow of the two sexes when it really doesn't seem to be so.

 

Take sociology if you haven't. It'll open your eyes to a lot of things, especially women.

 

The reason women are perveived as less shallow than men is because of cultural norms. In the western world, particularly in the US, woman are painted as innocent, compassionate, caring beings. Men on the other hand are pretty much viewed as disposable. In the end my opinion is that men aren't as bad as we're billed to be and women aren't as good as they're billed to bee. We're equals. People are as shallow as their looks allow them to be.

[Eivuwan]

I'm a 20 yo guy. I've never had sex neither have I had a girlfriend yet.

During middle school and high school I was a pretty ugly/awkward looking guy. I was also really scrawny and small.

I got bullied in my last couple of years in high school, and a lot of girls were pretty rude/pretentious/mean to me only because I was 'ugly'.

 

I started working out in College, gained a lot of muscle and lost a lot of my baby fat. I also grew a few inches. I got my braces out, and my face started changing. During about a 6 month interval, I noticed that my face went from an awkward looking boyish face to a more 'manly' face that wasn't awkward-looking anymore. Sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror, I'm surprised because I barely recognize myself.

 

The treatment I get from girls now has totally changed. They're overly friendly and flirty to me. They're really nice to me now for no obvious reason. Girls will stare at me to the point of it being creepy. I get really self-conscious in public because I notice a lot of girls staring at me.

 

I'm finding it really hard to not find women shallow because I know that when a girl is being 'nice' to me, it's not because they are genuinely really nice, it's just because they think I'm 'attractive'.

I know that guys are equally as shallow, however there's this stigma that women are the less shallow of the two sexes when it really doesn't seem to be so.

 

I'm at a loss and I find myself entering a mindset where I genuinely loathe women, and I don't want this to happen. But, I keep remembering how I was treated before compared to how I'm treated now and I just can't help but think that most women are shallow.

I've also noticed that people (not just women) treat me differently in the sense that they expect me to have virtues that I don't necessarily possess. They expect me to be confident and outgoing when I'm quite the opposite.

 

You should keep in mind that this is pretty normal for teenagers and young adults. As people get older and wiser, most will become less shallow.

[Omei]

Just as shallow to target a gender because you didn't have it great in school, I got bullied by guys all through high school crooked teeth everytime I spoke guys would yell "you're ugly and have snagle teeth"

 

Do you think I've grown to think men are shallow?

 

Now that you have everything "attractiveness" and girls flirt with you and you're more adult now everyone matures you still think it's because of shallowness?

 

Is there any pleasing you?

[todreaminblue]

i was bullied pretty badly most of my childhood...i was a different kid.......i was chubby for starters and i was molested at five so i always felt different i had a high iq and didnt fit in........window licker deb.....in high school i made a few close friends.......and the opposite sex werent too bad i had a problem with females bullying more than males.....except for a handful of boys...oen beat me up when i refused to hit back and i was stoned(literal) by a gaggle of boys......my childhood rocked..my stepfather used to call me fats domino....the kids i met had nothing on th ehurt he caused...yeah well i had fun in there somewhere......loads of fun..i grew to love words and poetry and the beach and my family and my true friends and i had awesome teachers at school all the way baby.........i have my issues now .....it wasnt easy to be me.......but.........

 

 

 

i dont blame people i meet for what happened to me in my past..i dont blame men or think all men rape five year olds...i dont feel all men will surround me and stone me in the head and throw squid legs in my hair and i dont think all females are out to destroy my name just because kids can be cruel and unjust and were often cruel to me, its not their fault they had reasons some of them.......especially the boys who stoned me, huge problems to deal with and I dont blame them one bit.......i always look for good in people even if it is harder to get too

 

 

what you have to forgive is others perceived shallowness...it is your perception........that needs changing...you are not a child anymore......you are not in high school anymore.....live life love hard and smile often..one thing i know is when you change appearance you walk differently....you dont have the weight of the world or others perceptions upon you so you are not hunched over wanting to be invisible been there done that still try sometimes to disappear....so walk tall friend and good luck......dont judge others.......go in with an open heart....give people and women in particular a chance to show you what you are possibly missing out on...................best wishes...deb

[lollipopspot]

I know that guys are equally as shallow, however there's this stigma that women are the less shallow of the two sexes when it really doesn't seem to be so.

 

I'm at a loss and I find myself entering a mindset where I genuinely loathe women, and I don't want this to happen. But, I keep remembering how I was treated before compared to how I'm treated now and I just can't help but think that most women are shallow.

I've also noticed that people (not just women) treat me differently in the sense that they expect me to have virtues that I don't necessarily possess.

 

So you find males equally shallow, yet you dump your loathing on all women for being shallow? Would you find it too hard to loathe your own shallow gender, too, because then you'd have to hate yourself?

 

Why don't you try seeing people as individuals, rather than a gender, a race, a disability, or whatever broad brush you paint on an entire group of people, in this case one half of the population?

 

You find yourself "entering a mindset where [you] genuinely loathe women?" I find that disturbing, and I think you should see a counselor to work out this issue.

[Guitarisgood]

I'm willing to bet back in highschool you just as much thought those girls who were chubby or had braces or had any other undesirable trait were just as bad and would not have given them any consideration had they asked you out etc.

[johndoe13]

I agree same this kindoff happened to me. Was not the most attarctive kid. Had my first kiss at 20! Thought of love and the ultimate thing. Got married & used and got really fat. Got divorced and lost weight and my faced changed at 37 and so did $ earnings capacity.

 

Put myself on the market after 4 years single (and barely no sex) and found a lot of 28+ girls that would nerver give me the time of day find me attractive all of a sudden.

 

By the way I still believe not all girls are shallow...although MANY ARE; you will know by talking to them, how you feel and their friend....s when a girl is interested in YOU (mostly) about your looks, money and reproduction abilities you will know and you may even justify your feeling to accept the person because you are a nice guy.

 

The girl I have now is very shallow I'm still not sure of my relationship. I did not trust my gutt from the beginning. She had many sexual relationships with guys (gym, vacation...), douchebags and i am the sentive one in the relationship,+ she is 30+, she does not earn enough to reaise a family,and she is egoistic.

 

My best advice is. You are a man and handsome and must choose a women to lead (the want this and if you can<t lead they will emaculate you and find 'a man'). Take opportunity and **** girls that throw themselves at you (most girls like this I know are ****ing 10+ guys by age 25)... but don't take them seriously (what is too easy to get is easily lost and will cause you anguish) but keep your eye open for the girl that makes you smile/happy, that asks about you a lot and your passions, and when you have a problem and you turn your head she is there to support you. And that will open herself to satisfy both your sexual drives and learn to please you.

 

I know I am ranting but I which I were in your shoes!

[IDontKnow123]

So you find males equally shallow, yet you dump your loathing on all women for being shallow? Would you find it too hard to loathe your own shallow gender, too, because then you'd have to hate yourself?

 

Why don't you try seeing people as individuals, rather than a gender, a race, a disability, or whatever broad brush you paint on an entire group of people, in this case one half of the population?

 

You find yourself "entering a mindset where [you] genuinely loathe women?" I find that disturbing, and I think you should see a counselor to work out this issue.

 

Why so aggressive? The problem for me is that I always thought women were less shallow than men, and it's not the case. On a general level, I get treated a lot better by most women now than I did when I was 'unattractive'.

I don't think it's fair that anyone gets preferential treatment simply because they're attractive. This applies to both sexes. Beautiful women get treated better and have it easier, too.

I see people as individuals, however I'm just making an observation based on the general treatment I've been getting.

[IDontKnow123]

I'm willing to bet back in highschool you just as much thought those girls who were chubby or had braces or had any other undesirable trait were just as bad and would not have given them any consideration had they asked you out etc.

 

No. I actually try to be nicer to conventionally less attractive people because I know they have it harder than attractive people.

The only point I'm trying to make is that women are equally as shallow as men. They're just better at hiding it, and society has a way of painting them as these effervescent, innocent beings when that's far from the truth.