Phantom888 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I have been trying to be a gentleman all my life. I respect women, and I have never taken advantage of anyone. I have always only dated one woman at a time, and never cheated on anyone. I am deeply in love with one woman, who will be my wife in the near future. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I were a complete ******* (a fantasy of mine). If I actually accepted sex offers from every woman I ever had 1st dates with, my number would be over 60+, and I would be having sex with different women every month. If I actually refused to commit to any woman, I would be dating multiple women at the same time. If I actually let women pay for the dates, I would have a much fuller wallet at the end of the evenings. If I actually dated girls 15+ years younger than me, I would get high-fives from all of my dude friends. Alas, these are just fantasies, and not me at all. I am perfectly happy with my life, and my family. I could have been an ******* in the dating world, but I believe in karma. I don't think it's right to disrespect women, because I have a daughter and it would break my heart if in the future any man would disrespect her. I am a strong believer in honesty and commitment. If anyone chooses to be an *******, that is okay. I don't judge. Just not my style. For all you men and women out there. Do you all have a "bad" side that you fantasize about? What would you do differently? 2
BradJacobs Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Dating someone 15 years younger doesn't make you a bad person. Neither does letting the women pay. Dating more than one girl at a time does not make you s bad person either. Thanks for your very narrow description of what a nice guy is and what he isn't. I'm glad it worked for you. 4
isisisweeping Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I get the thinking about not being as giving or as good. My friends who seem to walk all over their husbands get the world handed to them on a silver platter: romance, adoration... While they are hanging out together joking about how they haven't given head since they married, and rarely have sex and "starfish" occasionally for good behavior. Meanwhile, I'm nothing like that (I felt sick just listening to that they treated their husbands like that) and I've been cheated on and never treated so nicely. But, most (though, interestingly not all) are much prettier than I am. That may have something to do with it as well. 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I get the thinking about not being as giving or as good. My friends who seem to walk all over their husbands get the world handed to them on a silver platter: romance, adoration... While they are hanging out together joking about how they haven't given head since they married, and rarely have sex and "starfish" occasionally for good behavior. Meanwhile, I'm nothing like that (I felt sick just listening to that they treated their husbands like that) and I've been cheated on and never treated so nicely. But, most (though, interestingly not all) are much prettier than I am. That may have something to do with it as well. It is much harder to find passion, adoration and loyalty from a man who is crazy about you when you're not good looking. However, it isn't exactly rare, either. I'm average looking. At age 27 I finally found a guy who seems to be head over heels for me..... while my 21 year old good friend met a guy at age 17 who was passionate about her, then as soon as she got out of that relationship, she met a guy who absolutely CRAZY about her. He was NUTS about her from the moment he laid eyes on her. She never met guys who weren't into her and used her for sex. Not once. So yes, the fact she is gorgeous has a lot to do with her good fortune with men. It doesn't mean women like us can't meet guys like Phantom220 1
isisisweeping Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) It is much harder to find passion, adoration and loyalty from a man who is crazy about you when you're not good looking. However, it isn't exactly rare, either. I'm average looking. At age 27 I finally found a guy who seems to be head over heels for me..... while my 21 year old good friend met a guy at age 17 who was passionate about her, then as soon as she got out of that relationship, she met a guy who absolutely CRAZY about her. He was NUTS about her from the moment he laid eyes on her. She never met guys who weren't into her and used her for sex. Not once. So yes, the fact she is gorgeous has a lot to do with her good fortune with men. It doesn't mean women like us can't meet guys like Phantom220 I can't say I've ever been used for sex. My sexual relationships were all long term. Or that I'm very concerned about it. And a couple of the girls are average- probably worse than me. You have access to my pictures Leigh. But they do take a certain role... It's more a curiosity, a what if, than a point of stress Edited February 14, 2014 by isisisweeping
Woggle Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I think in general jerks get a larger quantity of women but my wife who is the only woman who I care about impressing would run if I acted like that. She actually appreciates a good man. 3
Leigh 87 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I can't say I've ever been used for sex. My sexual relationships were all long term. Or that I'm very concerned about it. And a couple of the girls are average- probably worse than me. You have access to my pictures Leigh. But they do take a certain role... It's more a curiosity, a what if, than a point of stress Wow. You are super cute. You are pretty and you have a great figure. You're better than average! I know of plenty of girls less attractive than you yet who have found guys who are crazy about them. I'm probably a tad less attractive than you are ( although I have a really nice smile, nice lips teeth and big eyes. Nice skin) so you are doing well in the looks department. You have beautiful eyes especially. I have men who think/have thought I was stunning and gorgeous. I am sure I'm average to most men yet it sure wasn't hard to find nice guys willing to date me and who thought I was very attractive. I chose to pick the wrong men. That is where we go wrong... plenty of nice guys who think we are gorgeous are out there. It is up to us to pick the nice guys. I overlooked red flags of men in my past.
Tayken Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I don't think it's right to disrespect women, because I have a daughter and it would break my heart if in the future any man would disrespect her. I am a strong believer in honesty and commitment. If anyone chooses to be an *******, that is okay. I don't judge. Just not my style. Funny you should bring this up, but some men feel the same about women, but choose to use a different adjective to describe them Women have to think...they have brothers, and some have sons, how will they feel if some woman if just using their son/brother for meal dates and stringing them along whilst they are seeing other guys? There is a reason why some guys have chose the ahole route, they see it as a matter of demand and supply...women like a bad boy, they also like it when they are with a guy and other women are after him Personally....Chivalry is still well and alive in my world, and with all the women have been on a date with recently, they have picked up on that and commented on it, which might also have played into me reaching 3rd base with them. However, I am very particular about what am after, and my red flag list is longer than most 1
Guitarisgood Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 You don't need to be an a*****e, you just need to grow a spine. That means if you want sex, you go get it. If you want a girl, you chase. This is what I think the essential difference between a nice guy and a jerk is. One knows what it wants and will go for it while the other builds up their own walls as excuses not to.
Under The Radar Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 On occasion, usually when someone treats me poorly, I'll fantasize about what it might be like to be a jerk. Nevertheless, especially as I get older, I know that I'm just not hardwired that way. Personally, if I mistreated people to make my life "easier" it would have the opposite effect: I'd actually be unhappy. I want to be honest and kind to people under any and most conditions. So, the answer is no, I would never wish to be an *******. However, I have absolutely no desire to travel through life as a proverbial doormat.
Author Phantom888 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Dating someone 15 years younger doesn't make you a bad person. Neither does letting the women pay. Dating more than one girl at a time does not make you s bad person either. Thanks for your very narrow description of what a nice guy is and what he isn't. I'm glad it worked for you. It's not the act, but the intention. Sure you can date a super young girl, make her pay all the time and date her sister at the same time. But the intention of taking advantage of someone's kindness/naivete is what makes a bad person. 1
Under The Radar Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 It's not the act, but the intention. Sure you can date a super young girl, make her pay all the time and date her sister at the same time. But the intention of taking advantage of someone's kindness/naivete is what makes a bad person. Recognize there are people in the world who are unknowingly *******s. Is that as bad as intentionally being one? I'd answer no, but it is still pretty bad when that becomes a consistent MO ...... intentional or not.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Platitudes aside more women than not like men who aren't any good for them. So they seek out men who will fix their daddy issues or their issues with that boyfriend who dumped them, or whatever. Rather than deal with their issues they seek a relationship and expect prince charming to fix them. Which is bad enough, but then often the take the guy that makes their panties moist and dub him a prince when he isn't even a Knight. Oh yes yes men do similar things, to an extent. OP decide what you want in life. Lots of sex with low quality damaged goods or do you want to sift through the chaff to find the little bit of wheat good for you in this world? The choice is yours. 1
ja123 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I think the OP has decided what he wants in life: he doesn't want to be an a-hole, and he's getting married. He just wanted to know if anyone has a "bad side" fantasy. My bad side fantasy is the following: Drive a big gas-guzzler truck, park without any consideration for anyone, play loud music, smoke everything, drink everything, and **** everything! Oh yeah, eat lots of red meat and throw trash out the window when I'm driving! hahaha Aw heck, I'm just too good, I guess. 1
peruano99 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Most of the "nice" guys at my college get played on by girls who run off with the "bad" guy. I have seen it happen countless of times.
RedRobin Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 In another thread I posted a link to an article discussing why some women are attracted to sociopaths/psychopaths... Basically their natural fear response is somehow interpreted as sexual response. I happen to believe that the stereotypical bad boy does demonstrate sociopathic tendencies... A certain level of charisma attached to a definitive lack of empathy or concern for the welfare of others. Unfortunately.. Too many men have taken this as some kind of script to emulate (because it seems like they get what they want in the short term)... If they don't have any other positive male role models especially. I haven't observed those men really thriving and flourishing in the long run at at all.. But men don't listen to women... They listen to other men.. So I do believe it really is up to the truly good men to demonstrate how you can be a man... Without being a doormat and also enjoying a healthy positive relationship with a woman. Thank you phantom for posting your experience... As well as the other men here who post positive things about their LTR and how they treat their wife or gf. ...but to your question.. Yea there are times I wish I could live a life free of conscience or consequence. I think everyone does at some point. 2
peruano99 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I don't know about you guys but I life a live without any care what others think.
BradJacobs Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 You don't need to be an a*****e, you just need to grow a spine. That means if you want sex, you go get it. If you want a girl, you chase. This is what I think the essential difference between a nice guy and a jerk is. One knows what it wants and will go for it while the other builds up their own walls as excuses not to. Agreed. All can be had without the need to lie, manipulate or take advantage of someone's kindness.
No Limit Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Had similar thoughts after my 1st kiss not too long ago. Considered to just get rid of virginity ('throwing the 1st kiss away' didn't bother me at all to be honest) and have fun. Meeting different people, making contacts. But as a matter of fact, while my opinion about my virginity still stands - as long it's not a total lowlife but someone decent, come get it - I stay true to commitment and have little interest to be introduced to a ONS's guy buddies on and on. Might sound arrogant, but I'm just so much more valuable than this. Having sex outside of a relationship, I don't mind, but over and over with strangers I don't even feel the slightest attraction or chemistry to just wouldn't work with me at all. Plus, I'll move to a bigger city by the end of summer, so I'll have a few more opportunities in both relationships and the rest than here on the countryside where the majority of guys tries to act cool and smart without much behind it. Except for everlasting alcohol reserves it seems. I won't deny falling in love with an a-hole once, but I never let it go any further than secretly looking at him when he wasn't looking. That guy had drama written all over him, and it turned out to be true, much to the sorrow of his current girlfriend. I don't know about you guys but I life a live without any care what others think. Same. 2
Tayken Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Platitudes aside more women than not like men who aren't any good for them. So they seek out men who will fix their daddy issues or their issues with that boyfriend who dumped them, or whatever. Rather than deal with their issues they seek a relationship and expect prince charming to fix them. Which is bad enough, but then often the take the guy that makes their panties moist and dub him a prince when he isn't even a Knight. Oh yes yes men do similar things, to an extent. OP decide what you want in life. Lots of sex with low quality damaged goods or do you want to sift through the chaff to find the little bit of wheat good for you in this world? The choice is yours. This is so true.....you nailed it. I mean how many women do you know who have dated a guy way older than them since they were barely 18.....The daddy issue is so common with women, and those are the ones you want to stay well away from. If a woman didn't have a father in her life, their outlook on men isn't always a good one. 1
samsungxoxo Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I think in general jerks get a larger quantity of women but my wife who is the only woman who I care about impressing would run if I acted like that. She actually appreciates a good man.But they don't get quality, stable women. 1
BradJacobs Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 But they don't get quality, stable women. Lol. What is your definition of quality?
Tayken Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Lol. What is your definition of quality? I'll bite.....Not flaky, has a career, steady job, rational, mutual respect type, caring, sincere, honest, loving, supports the other even if they don't share an interest and doesn't feel entitled to anything? 1
truth_seeker Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 For all you men and women out there. Do you all have a "bad" side that you fantasize about? What would you do differently? Yes. All my life I've stayed away from temptation. Friends girlfriends... engaged women... married women... I've always felt karma would get me if I got with another man's woman. I probably missed out on some wild sex but have happily missed out on some life long guilt.
ThaWholigan Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I think everybody has their own dark side complete with fantasies and the like. Some have the nuts to go and fulfill them at the expense of others, or find ways of exploring them in a manner that doesn't add to the woes of others aswell as themselves. Some of us however, simply choose not to explore them at all, and they lie dormant until they begin to cause us problems (and they do in a lot of cases). I can't say I'm afraid to explore mine, and have done so in a manner that I feel befits me and doesn't harm others. 1
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