is there a chance things might work out in the future?

[thedumpedone]

hey guys! this is my first time posting here, and i'm looking for advice EVERYWHERE since i feel like my friends are getting sick of hearing me whine about this. this is extra long so bare with me...hopefully i wont bore you to death.

 

i started dating this guy around november 2013. we had known each other for a while, but we were both in relationships. we met up again at a halloween party last year and clicked instantly, we started spending a lot of time together and we spoke on the phone (texts and facebook mostly, sometimes calls) EVERY SINGLE DAY. after a week or so he invited me on a trip with a few of his friends and i was ecstatic, but i was also confused because a) he hadn't made very obvious moves and b) i honestly didn't want to get hurt again after getting out of an extremely horrible and hurtful 3yr relationship. after debating it for a while i decided to give in and made the "first move". we kissed, he laughed, we cuddled and when we got back from the trip he invited me to stay over, took me out to dinner, surprised me with presents and insisted in cooking for me every time he had the chance to do so. after being treated like crap for such a long time i couldn't believe someone like this could treat me so well. things were getting serious quickly and he was the one putting the most "pressure" into making sure things ran smoothly and i, being the person that i am, fell HARD.

 

the real-deal thing began near christmas break and i had to go back home, which made me really nervous since it was such a new thing, but this didn't stop him. he called constantly (almost 3 times a day) and texted me all the time to see how/what i was doing. OVERALL: i was really into it, and he seemed really into it as well.

 

flash-forward to about four weeks ago. we finally got to see each other again and we met up saturday night. i slept over at his house that night, we cuddled like we always did and things couldn't have been better. he cooked me breakfast and spent the day with me walking around town and just enjoying ourselves with our group of friends until i decided to head back home for the afternoon.

 

and then...it happened. i received a text (a FREAKING TEXT MESSAGE) that same night that said he had to end things because he wasn't ready for something serious and he didn't want to hurt me in the future when even more feelings were involved. we spoke again on monday night and he seemed pretty firm about it, arguing that he wasn't ready to open up his heart again and that he needed time "to be alone". i was fine with it, it made sense since he had also been hurt badly and i felt like i understood his need to be alone. he insisted in being my friend and i was okay with that, but when he disappeared completely i began to doubt everything. as most of you know, the whole "alone" thing is usually bull...and it was. a week later i found out from a mutual friend that he was, in fact, seeing someone else. i was devastated, i felt used and betrayed and overall UGH with myself. people are fickle, i get that much, but i felt like i needed closure so i decided to write him a letter in which i told him that i felt used and that it didn't make any sense.

 

that night he showed up on facebook completely FURIOUS about what i had said to him. he couldn't believe i had said he was "using me" since he never did anything to make me believe such a thing and he told me to just move on. i couldn't believe the person i cared so much about was being such a horrible human being...it was shocking to see him so angry and defensive. i finally caved in and told him i had found out about his new squeeze. i kept telling him that the whole "used" thing was because he had thrown me out like an old pair of shoes when something shiny and blonde had come along, that i felt horrible with myself (inside and out) and that i needed to let him know he had hurt someone who truly cared about him and had no intention of hurting him. he told me he couldn't control his feelings for other people and that he didn't understand why he had left me since i had all the qualities he looked for in a partner (he still tells his friends he loved spending time with me and that i made him really happy), but he insisted that i shouldn't feel like garbage because he knew i was smarter than that. that was the last thing he said before logging off.

 

to add even more fuel to the fire, last week i received an angry email from the guy calling me out and telling me he'd appreciate it if i didn't turn "us" into some kind of public debate. with his email came a long note from a supposed "mutual friend" (writing from an obviously fake email) calling him out for being such a horrible person and for treating me the way he did. i'm pretty sure the guy is convinced i had someone type that out, but i honestly have NO IDEA who sent it or why they did it after such a long time. i replied to his email a few minutes later telling him i didn't know this person or why they were getting involved and that i was as pissed off about it as he was, but he didn't reply. i spent the rest of the weekend thinking about who it could have been and why they did such an idiotic thing. i wrote to him one last time on facebook and told him i still had no idea who had done it and that i still believed it was an extremely immature thing to do and that it worries me that he might think i'm the one putting people up to do these stupid things. as most of you can guess, he read the message and still hasn't replied to it.

 

a few hours later i received yet another email from this mystery person confessing she/he was a friend of his and knew me from seeing me around school/him sometimes. i forwarded it to him and said that would be the last time i mentioned it and that, if he felt like doing so, he should look into his group of friends. i know i've been a little pushy with the subject (holy wow 3 emails about the same topic...i feel a little psycho), but i felt like i needed to clear my name and make sure he knew it wasn't me stirring things up. i spoke to a mutual friend who said they had discussed it and that he didn't think i had done it, but that he was still super pissed off about it and i feel like he must hate every ounce of my being right now.

 

i know after everything that has happened (very soap opera-esque, if i may say so...) things between us are going to be super awkward and tough, but i'm still hoping we can have some sort of "relationship" in the diiiiiiistant future. apparently things didn't work out with the other person either (hooray?) because he truly doesn't want to be with anyone else right now.

 

i also feel extra stupid for being worried about this, since right now this guy seems like the biggest d*** ever, but i'm worried i might have messed things up for good (friendship or relationship-wise) between us by telling him i felt like he used me. i'm starting to doubt everything even though, if i think about it for a while, he was the one who messed it up and not me.

 

i know there is no way of truly knowing if someone will come back, but there are certain things that can completely destroy that chance...and i feel like i'm in that situation (these feelings worsened after the email thing...ughhhhh people getting involved is the worst). i care way too much about this guy and i still feel like he deserves all the love in the world because he has been hurt worse than anyone i know, and i wish i could be the one to give him that love...but he wont let me do so.

 

what do you guys think?

Edited February 14, 2014 by thedumpedone

[Blobfather]

He sounds like an idiot who only cares about his own happiness, and pays little attentions to other peoples feelings. The guy broke up with you by text message,he is a wimp. You on the other hand sound like a very nice and caring person..I take it you are young, please take this advice.

 

1) Forget about this guy, he is emotionally imature.You don't want to date someone who can be so reckless with your heart.

 

2)Enjoy your life and have fun, you don't need a boyfriend to do this.

 

3)Meet someone new, someone who will care about you and love you like you deserve.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours

 

Take care now, and don't look back...

Edited February 15, 2014 by Blobfather

[Itspointless]

I think your mystery emailer is right and deserves a little more credit. Perhaps this poster had a good reason to do it this way as the guy seems pretty tempered and egocentric.

[thedumpedone]

the funny thing is i was a little glad someone said that to him, i'm glad other people see it as well and it's not just me making it up, but it just made me angry they chose a fake email address to do so AND the fact that he linked it back to me is even worse.

 

it just sucks because we had so much potential. things clicked instantly and everyone was ecstatic we had come together (even friends & family on both parts) after having such crappy relationships. i agree that he's being immature and selfish and completely temperamental, but i'm still hopelessly hoping something might light another spark between us, even though it seems like a lost cause right now, and that things might work out differently this time. it's all wishful thinking, i know, but i'm completely blinded by it.

 

i'm just silly like that.

Edited February 15, 2014 by thedumpedone