MixedMinh Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 My ex and I broke up January 14th. We have held a close-communication on a daily basis with a few hiccups since then. Recently I implemented NC, which broke for 4 days, and I am trying to recover NC as I am on day 2 now. I'm not over my ex, my feelings are still fresh, but I have been struggling so much with this relationship. I thought a distraction would be good for me. My friends suggested opening up to going on dates with new people. I thought it was a good idea. I signed up for eHarmony. Talked to someone new, we communicated for 4 days and I suggested we meet up tonight. She plans on making me dinner. We haven't really got to know each other yet. I haven't even heard her voice. I'm having cold feet. I'm starting to think it's really unfair of me to go on a date with someone when I'm not completely emotionally available. I don't want to be selfish. I want to think about others first, and my gut is telling me I should cancel the date and just tell her I made a mistake, and be honest. I don't really think I'm ready on any emotional level, but I don't know how to go about letting her down. She's a very kind woman and I don't want to hurt her. I'm also not sure if my feelings are just mixed and I'm afraid to open up. Any advice? Should I just go with my gut and ask her to communicate for awhile longer before meeting up?
MidwestUSA Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Yes, you should cancel. Be very, very honest with her about why. Let her know how it might also affect future communications, so she can make a sound decision on whether to continue with that at all. My answer might be different if you were simply meeting her out for a quick drink. You haven't heard her voice and she's making you dinner? Talk about uncomfortable. Too much, too soon. 2
Author MixedMinh Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Thank you. That was my gut feeling. I don't want to hurt anyone. I will be honest with her.
MidwestUSA Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Thank you. That was my gut feeling. I don't want to hurt anyone. I will be honest with her. Yes, good luck! I certainly understand about wanting to get back out there, but if you're having doubts, best to heed them. It sounds overwhelming to me, frankly. Hopefully she'll be understanding and will agree to keep communicating.
HappyLove Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 YES CANCEL! What the hell is wrong with people. You've never even heard her voice and your going to her house for dinner?! What if it turns out to be a man who drugs you? Men & women need to be much safer online! In the future meet for an hour coffee date IN PUBLIC!!! This is all kinds of wrong. She doesn't know you from a can of paint either, what if she lies and says you did something in the house?! You will get a few things out of meeting for coffee: 1) it's a much safer date in public 2) not as much pressure if you have past issues your dealing with 3) you get a much better feel for someone when they are sitting across from you You can see if they really look like their pics which, sorry to say most times they don't. 4) if you don't hit it off it's no biggie, no feelings hurt just a quick meet over coffee. 2
Cakess Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Instead of having her cook dinner, why not suggest something more casual, like drinks or a movie? That could also be an option.
Author MixedMinh Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Clearly we are both acting weak and impulsive. She couldn't leave the house tonight so she suggested I come over. Either way, I do feel that it is all too soon. Will just let her know the truth and see what happens next.
Tayken Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 My ex and I broke up January 14th. We have held a close-communication on a daily basis with a few hiccups since then. Recently I implemented NC, which broke for 4 days, and I am trying to recover NC as I am on day 2 now. I'm not over my ex, my feelings are still fresh, but I have been struggling so much with this relationship. I thought a distraction would be good for me. My friends suggested opening up to going on dates with new people. I thought it was a good idea. I signed up for eHarmony. Talked to someone new, we communicated for 4 days and I suggested we meet up tonight. She plans on making me dinner. We haven't really got to know each other yet. I haven't even heard her voice. I'm having cold feet. I'm starting to think it's really unfair of me to go on a date with someone when I'm not completely emotionally available. I don't want to be selfish. I want to think about others first, and my gut is telling me I should cancel the date and just tell her I made a mistake, and be honest. I don't really think I'm ready on any emotional level, but I don't know how to go about letting her down. She's a very kind woman and I don't want to hurt her. I'm also not sure if my feelings are just mixed and I'm afraid to open up. Any advice? Should I just go with my gut and ask her to communicate for awhile longer before meeting up? 1. Dump your so called friends 2. You only split in January and you are already looking to date? 3. Hopefully it doesn't turn out to be a guy / catfish 4. Yet you went out your way to join OLD and now you talk about emotions
HokeyReligions Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Im putting myself in her place to respond.. .....I can't leave my house tonight (reason doesn't matter) .....It's Valentine's Day so I might be feeling lonely. This prompts me to invite someone over. She might be rethinking this herself. I would certainly appreciate you being honest with me and would prefer that over acting liks you are emotionally available when you are not. Rather than going over for dinner may say you'll stop by if shes still interested in meeting you. Have coffee - you can stop and pick up something (maybe you both like Starbucks) and put a time limit of 30 minutes. It might do you good to get out and she might enjoy a quick meeting. Especially if you are honest. Maybe you can visit on your he porch or just sit in the kitchen -- something very I formal. 1
darkmoon Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 she is wooing you, just tell her you need time to think about it, I think that could be true in a way, once you meet her you might find she is nice, I do not see why you should lose a chance of happiness completely your gut knows better then me, mind you
ja123 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 So, OP, what happened finally? Give us an update...
Author MixedMinh Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 I was honest with her. We didn't meet up. I said that my suggestion to meet up was rather impulsive and part of it was that I didn't want to be lonely on Valentines Day. I told her I didn't want to lead her on or hurt her, but her romantic gesture of cooking me dinner was a little too much too soon. To my surprise, she agreed with me and said she was on the same page. She also appreciated that I was mature enough to handle the situation the way that I did. It strangely worked out. We've been chatting it up. Not sure where it will go, but that doesn't really matter. We are friends, at least.
organizedchaos Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I was honest with her. We didn't meet up. I said that my suggestion to meet up was rather impulsive and part of it was that I didn't want to be lonely on Valentines Day. I told her I didn't want to lead her on or hurt her, but her romantic gesture of cooking me dinner was a little too much too soon. To my surprise, she agreed with me and said she was on the same page. She also appreciated that I was mature enough to handle the situation the way that I did. It strangely worked out. We've been chatting it up. Not sure where it will go, but that doesn't really matter. We are friends, at least. Just meet her for coffee this weekend.
ja123 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I was honest with her. We didn't meet up. I said that my suggestion to meet up was rather impulsive and part of it was that I didn't want to be lonely on Valentines Day. I told her I didn't want to lead her on or hurt her, but her romantic gesture of cooking me dinner was a little too much too soon. To my surprise, she agreed with me and said she was on the same page. She also appreciated that I was mature enough to handle the situation the way that I did. It strangely worked out. We've been chatting it up. Not sure where it will go, but that doesn't really matter. We are friends, at least. That's great that you could be so honest and straight-forward and that it was well-received. Wishing you all the best in your recovery from the break-up.
Tayken Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I was honest with her. We didn't meet up. I said that my suggestion to meet up was rather impulsive and part of it was that I didn't want to be lonely on Valentines Day. I told her I didn't want to lead her on or hurt her, but her romantic gesture of cooking me dinner was a little too much too soon. To my surprise, she agreed with me and said she was on the same page. She also appreciated that I was mature enough to handle the situation the way that I did. It strangely worked out. We've been chatting it up. Not sure where it will go, but that doesn't really matter. We are friends, at least. Still assuming that it's a "she"? You did say that you are yet to talk on the phone correct? Perhaps that should be your next thing to do....to put a voice to the username
Recommended Posts