PDPullmn612 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Wow, it's been quite sometime since I've been on these forums. But, I'm back with another topic I'd like to get some opinions on. I dated a girl for about 2 years. While she was good for me, in the end we both knew it wasn't going to lead to anything more than what it was. We had a good run, but we couldn't see each other moving in together/getting married (we're 25/26 so young, but unfortunately we're at an age where this stuff can matter; she had mentioned she wanted to have kids before she was about 30 so the clock was ticking for her). About a month and a half before we officially broke it off, I met a another girl through a friend. We met casually one night when we all went to a concert together. Anyway, after that night I met her (I was still with my girlfriend at the time), I thought an awful lot about her. She was just so...different (in an extremely good way). Fun, flirty, energetic, comfortable enough to just be herself...all things I find extremely attractive. After that night, I saw her one other time (casually at a party we all ended up at). Since I was still with my girlfriend at the time, nothing happened. But, we definitely had a good time. About 3 days after that night, my girlfriend and I broke up (it's something I mulled over for about a month before actually doing it; I just wasn't feeling it as much as I once was along with several other reasons). About 8-10 days after the breakup, this other girl and I start talking and eventually meet up for drinks and things went really well. Now here is my issue: this girl and I have seemed to hit if off really well. The usual sign of me liking someone are there: thinking a lot about her, some butterflies in my stomach, getting happy when I hear from her. Part of me feels bad because it hasn't been that long since my ex and I broke up. I'm not looking for anything serious to happen anytime soon (considering I just got out of a relationship), but I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious to see where it will go. I mean, she's making me feel good so I feel there is something there. I'm sure most would probably think that since it's so soon that I'm just replacing one girl with another. But the fact is I don't miss my ex, I'm not depressed/upset about the break up, and don't have the usual break up symptoms one would normally have. I almost feel as if I was already emotionally out of my last relationship a couple months before it officially ended. Call me crazy, but the fact that I'm thinking about this other girl a lot and get happy when I hear from her leads me to believe there is some sort of attraction there. Anyway, I'd like to hear if anyone has experience anything like this before. And if so, how did it turn out? Is it possible I was already over my ex and moving on before we actually broke up?
soccerrprp Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Anyway, I'd like to hear if anyone has experience anything like this before. And if so, how did it turn out? Is it possible I was already over my ex and moving on before we actually broke up? I have not experienced what you did, but yes, it's clear you were already over your ex before you broke up. You said so yourself. About a month before you broke up you hooked up with this new girl and 3-days before break-up, so, you were already walking out the door...already out the door.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I have not experienced what you did, but yes, it's clear you were already over your ex before you broke up. You said so yourself. About a month before you broke up you hooked up with this new girl and 3-days before break-up, so, you were already walking out the door...already out the door. Just to be clear. I never physically did anything with this girl while I was dating my ex. Only after we actually broke up did anything physical happen between us. But, I get your point.
Philosoraptor Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 It's fine to date. Meet new people and have fun. Just don't use a new person to avoid healing, growing, and moving on.
theediblewoman Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I have been where you're at. I had a huge crush on my current boyfriend while with my ex. Things with my ex had gone way south and I had been contemplating leaving for a while. I broke up with my ex because it needed to be done regardless of the other guy and I felt so happy! Went on a date with my crush one week later and we've been together a year now.
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 You were not in love anymore and were at peace with your decision to leave your ex. Yes it's possible to not go through a rough time after a break up. I left a 15 year marriage without shedding a tear, it was a deliverance. That being said, it's not because you have not shed tears that you are ready to embark in a new relationship right away. Breath a little bit of air first. As for the new girl what you are experiencing is a good dosage of NRE. 'New Relationship Energy'. It's meant to enjoy, not a base to make commitment because it has an expiration date. After all that infatuation has calmed down, regroup, and see if you actually have a base to build on.
soccerrprp Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Just to be clear. I never physically did anything with this girl while I was dating my ex. Only after we actually broke up did anything physical happen between us. But, I get your point. Oh, yeah, still doesn't change my mind. Emotionally, you were gone. That is much more important, I think. 2
Author PDPullmn612 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 You were not in love anymore and were at peace with your decision to leave your ex. Yes it's possible to not go through a rough time after a break up. I left a 15 year marriage without shedding a tear, it was a deliverance. That being said, it's not because you have not shed tears that you are ready to embark in a new relationship right away. Breath a little bit of air first. As for the new girl what you are experiencing is a good dosage of NRE. 'New Relationship Energy'. It's meant to enjoy, not a base to make commitment because it has an expiration date. After all that infatuation has calmed down, regroup, and see if you actually have a base to build on. Agreed. I wouldn't say I'm ready to be in another relationship right away. On that note, I figured I'd enjoy this for what it is at the moment. If after a while something real materializes I'll revisit and go from there...
Versacehottie Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 you sound like you were over ex-gf in a healthy way when you broke up. I don't see any reason NOT to date this special girl. In fact, I only see reasons NOT to miss the chance. How long do you think you can stall her before she thinks it will never happen and looks elsewhere? If you think she is that special, and it sounds like she is, then go for it. You don't have to go 100 mph, just go slowly. If I were you, I wouldn't lose her.
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