skela Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I met this guy online and we have been dating for 3 weeks. After our third date he asked if we could be exclusive and not date other people and see where our relationship develops. Last night when we were out together he said he was really happy he had decided to become my boyfriend. Does being exclusive automatically mean you are now boyfriend/girlfriend. Just wondering because I was surprised by his statement and wasn't sure how to respond.
MidwestUSA Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 To some, yes, it's an automatic. To me, it makes sense, because IF I'm exclusive, and IF I was going to have a boyfriend, then it would obviously be the guy I'm exclusive with! Unless it was an exclusive FWB, which implies sexual exclusivity only. Some people are all about labels. Are you happy that's he's declared himself your boyfriend?
PegNosePete Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 You colonials and your labels, LOL If you want to say he's your boyfriend then say it. You can call him a can of chicken soup if you like, it doesn't change the relationship. What is the importance of applying a certain label to the relationship anyway?
Author skela Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 To some, yes, it's an automatic. To me, it makes sense, because IF I'm exclusive, and IF I was going to have a boyfriend, then it would obviously be the guy I'm exclusive with! Unless it was an exclusive FWB, which implies sexual exclusivity only. Some people are all about labels. Are you happy that's he's declared himself your boyfriend? I'm not sure what I feel right now. I don't know if he said it that way as a way of asking.
mammasita Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I'm LOL at the way he said it....."he decided to become your boyfriend". I think that's kind of weird and would be put off as you seem like you are. I feel like being exclusive and being in a relationship are separate yet co-exist. In my mind, being exclusive means that you are not multi-dating, you're focusing all of your attention on one person to determine if you want to pursue more. So while they aren't technically you're boyfriend/girlfriend it's a step towards it. I think this guy skipped an important step with you....something like communication
Author skela Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 You colonials and your labels, LOL If you want to say he's your boyfriend then say it. You can call him a can of chicken soup if you like, it doesn't change the relationship. What is the importance of applying a certain label to the relationship anyway? I think you misread the post. He called himself my boyfriend and I was surprised.
MidwestUSA Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I'm not sure what I feel right now. I don't know if he said it that way as a way of asking. No, he's assuming. In his mind, exclusive=boyfriend. He's the one who brought both terms up. He was genuinely happy and hoping for a positive reaction from you. I'd start making a list of all the things a good boyfriend is supposed to do! A really long list.
Author skela Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I'm LOL at the way he said it....."he decided to become your boyfriend". I think that's kind of weird and would be put off as you seem like you are. I feel like being exclusive and being in a relationship are separate yet co-exist. In my mind, being exclusive means that you are not multi-dating, you're focusing all of your attention on one person to determine if you want to pursue more. So while they aren't technically you're boyfriend/girlfriend it's a step towards it. I think this guy skipped an important step with you....something like communication Yes, it feels like a step was skipped and an assumption was made.
soccerrprp Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Yes. Short of an exclusive FWB as MidwestUSA says, it means he is your boyfriend. And if that label is important to you, more power to you! Nothing wrong with that as long as the duck quacks like one and walks like one.
Author skela Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 No, he's assuming. In his mind, exclusive=boyfriend. He's the one who brought both terms up. He was genuinely happy and hoping for a positive reaction from you. I'd start making a list of all the things a good boyfriend is supposed to do! A really long list. Well, I did give a positive reaction even though I was really surprised. Working on the list as we speak. LOL
PegNosePete Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I think you misread the post. He called himself my boyfriend and I was surprised. No, I didn't miss it. He could have called you a can of chicken soup and it wouldn't change what you have between you. Again - why so obsessed about labels? What does "boyfriend" mean to you, that is not present in your relationship? What do you want him to call himself when he introduces himself to your friend? "Hello I'm Dave, I am dating Jenny exclusively but we don't call each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet"? Isn't it easier to say "Hi I'm Dave, Jenny's boyfriend"?
Author skela Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 No, I didn't miss it. He could have called you a can of chicken soup and it wouldn't change what you have between you. Again - why so obsessed about labels? What does "boyfriend" mean to you, that is not present in your relationship? What do you want him to call himself when he introduces himself to your friend? "Hello I'm Dave, I am dating Jenny exclusively but we don't call each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet"? Isn't it easier to say "Hi I'm Dave, Jenny's boyfriend"? I was just surprised because I thought there was a difference between being exclusive and being boyfriend/girlfriend. When we go out he can just introduce me by my name - why does a title have to be attached.
MidwestUSA Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I was just surprised because I thought there was a difference between being exclusive and being boyfriend/girlfriend. When we go out he can just introduce me by my name - why does a title have to be attached. I agree with you there. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds so eighth grade! How does he introduce you? Or has there not been much opportunity? If he's just inexperienced, and does introduce you simply as 'my GF', take him aside and explain that you'd rather people know your name.
Author skela Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I agree with you there. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds so eighth grade! How does he introduce you? Or has there not been much opportunity? If he's just inexperienced, and does introduce you simply as 'my GF', take him aside and explain that you'd rather people know your name. We haven't been in any situation where introductions have been necessary yet. Yes, very eighth grade. I don't even need the "partner" title.
HappyLove Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 If he's a good guy and there are no blaring red flags I think it's ok that he wants to be exclusive and your bf. I'd just still watch his ACTIONS because men online especially like to talk women up like this until they get the goods and then...poof. Three weeks is a very short time don't let labels keep you from paying attention to how someone treats you. 2
pyramid Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 It's not the same thing to me. Boyfriend/girlfriend means that we both see a future together. Exclusive just means we aren't seeing/sleeping with anyone else. I like the title and it's meaningful to me. I don't care if it's 8th grade 1
Phantom888 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Actions speak louder than words. To me, sleeping together = exclusivity = BF/GF = commitment to be together for now and near future. Any woman that doesn't agree with me would not date me, and that's okay. It's very important that my woman and I are on the same page. I normally don't even discuss this, but since my woman and I slept together on our 2nd date, I needed to make sure she's willing to be exclusive BEFORE sleeping with me. Of course we are on the same page, and have been happy together since.
carhill Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 IMO, early times and 'getting to know' is the major process right now; it appears you and he are preferring to get to know each other without distractions of other romantic entanglements. Boyfriend/girlfriend, if such labels are used (kind of uncommon in my age group but you're likely younger), usually comes after more getting to know and, as other posters suggested, discussion of life and your future as a couple, versus two people getting to know each other. To me, after only three weeks, the guy is pushing action words to lock you down. My caution would be too much, too fast, presuming you were strangers before. No rush. Plenty of time for all that stuff. Get to know. Good luck! 1
Author skela Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 IMO, early times and 'getting to know' is the major process right now; it appears you and he are preferring to get to know each other without distractions of other romantic entanglements. Boyfriend/girlfriend, if such labels are used (kind of uncommon in my age group but you're likely younger), usually comes after more getting to know and, as other posters suggested, discussion of life and your future as a couple, versus two people getting to know each other. To me, after only three weeks, the guy is pushing action words to lock you down. My caution would be too much, too fast, presuming you were strangers before. No rush. Plenty of time for all that stuff. Get to know. Good luck! Yes, you are right. I am watching his actions. Words are very easy to say - actions show the truth.
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