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Which came first?

inappfriendly

By inappfriendly
in The Other Man / Woman

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inappfriendly Established Member

inappfriendly

Posted
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There are a lot of tongue in cheek comments on this board about being crazy.

After this particularly ugly week I am fairly confident I am losing my mind. Wondering which came first... Did insanity or something broken inside lead me to have an A or am I just going effing nuts in the post-A emotional wreckage?

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Snipercatt Established Member

Snipercatt

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Well, Valentines Day is a rather crazy holiday.

 

That said, you describe your xMM as treating you hideously from time to time. Why did you tolerate that? What about you made that okay? That needs fixing!

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inappfriendly Established Member

inappfriendly

Posted
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Snipercatt, good point. I am definitely working that angle.

I have been in love plenty of times and survived. Trying to figure out why this man turned my world upside down!

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TurningTables Established Member

TurningTables

Posted
Posted
There are a lot of tongue in cheek comments on this board about being crazy.

After this particularly ugly week I am fairly confident I am losing my mind. Wondering which came first... Did insanity or something broken inside lead me to have an A or am I just going effing nuts in the post-A emotional wreckage?

 

I dont think anyone who has made the mistake of having an EA or PA is crazy. We are all human who look for love and comfort. You need to figure out why you would accept so little from someone when you deserve and worth so so much more. ;)

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Gunthar Established Member

Gunthar

Posted
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...something is broken.

 

I believe personally that it's crystal clear we're all trying to fill a hole in each of ourselves that is really bottomless, and the one person we want (or wanted) to fill that can't/couldn't. Doesn't mean we don't love them, or that they don't love us. We're all just broken and want to be perfectly fulfilled, satisfied, validated, etc.

 

Not crazy; either hiding, denying, living-in, or trying to heal from the pain and hurt we each have.

 

I'll have a drink tonight to my AP, who I know loved me for a time, and may still in her heart of hearts, but I'll imagine she won't have a thought of me today. Too many distractions, and maybe no desire to.

 

...and to peace.

 

G

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inappfriendly Established Member

inappfriendly

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Cheers, Gunthar!

 

And thank you, all, for not tearing me a new one!

Your support and kind words are helpful! :)

Edited by inappfriendly
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BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

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Pretty sure I went a little off the hinges post-A. Part of the problem is that so much is cooped up inside your mind with no release. Lately I've been finding myself feeling thisclose to breaking 9 months of NC so I forced myself to spend yesterday re-reading all my old LS posts.

 

It was like reading things from a complete stranger. My heart ached but it did really give me some perspective on how "normal" I am now. Definitely not 100% recovered but not spinning anymore. Hang in there...with time you will heal ((hugs))

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XenoMouse Member

XenoMouse

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i dont think its any deep psychological issue why one gets involved in an affair. True there are boundaries that were overstepped by both parties but i think sometimes people just connect and things happen. I dont think that we all purposely sought out a situation where we WANTED breadcrumbs, it was just our situation that we connected with someone who only had the ability or willingness to give us those breadcrumbs.

 

Speaking from my experience, it doesnt seem like breadcrumbs at first with all the excitement, constant contact, good times but then, as is natural with human beings, you want more out of the relationship because you get roped in but you can't have it all so you get breadcrumbed (i guess thats a word now). And rather than letting go of this amazing connection you settle for it or push against it. I dont think theres anything crazy about that.

 

When i read the posts on this forum i dont see weak or crazy people. I see strong people that recognize the difficulty of being in such a position and are trying to come out of the madness of such a traumatic experience. If this were not something SO mentally challenging then therapy would not be recommended as much as it has been. Even for waywards and ppl attempting to rebuild their marriages, its often suggested that there MUST be therapy or MC because its such a devastating experience.

 

I think our struggle is warranted and the fact that we're all here helping each other is so beautiful, i mean imagine going thru this with no internet and band of fellow supporters who are struggling with the same problem that are always there to listen to you and tell you that they are there for you. Yes, the lows of post-A are devastating and i experience them everyday but hopefully in the end...this too shall pass.

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Waverly Established Member

Waverly

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Oh man.... good question. I'm not saying anything justifies my A, but I had a lot of reasons for it, if that makes sense? In other words, I know it was wrong, and I knew at the time that it was wrong, but I chose to do it anyway, for a lot of different reasons.

 

Now that it's over? I feel like I have been out of my mind for months. It's been over for months, and it's been this roller-coaster of depression, anger (at myself and at my xAP), bitterness, and desperate panic.

 

I knew the whole time during the A that there was a good chance it wouldn't work out, and I just figured I'd deal with it and be fine. Ha ha ha....

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RickFox Established Member

RickFox

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I'm in and out of my mind since the end of my affair almost three years ago.....it's a constant up and down battle. Single most destructive thing I've ever gotten involved with.....the effects I feel which may never be gone. I.know one thing....I'm a broken individual, very broken....

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tchrgrl Member

tchrgrl

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Gosh it scares me when I read how long people are post A and still hurting. Mine is more recent but I am really hoping that the feelings of craziness will subside. I don't think crazy gets us into these situations, we are trying to fill some void with something really good but oh, so bad for us. Maybe we have personalities that make us choose to live in the moment in case tomorrow never comes??? Unfortunately, or fortunately tomorrow did come and it hurts like hell....

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inappfriendly Established Member

inappfriendly

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Thanks for joining me in Crazytown.

XenoMouse, I enjoy your posts. They are so real and sincere.

I appreciate everyone for sharing.

Hoping for happier, SANER tomorrows!

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PurpleCardigan Established Member

PurpleCardigan

Posted
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I don't think that I was crazy, but in hindsight and with the benefit of counseling I know that I was both trying to fill a void and subconsciously choosing a man who would keep me at arms length as that was what I was used to. i grew up in an abusive home. I was seeking someone who wouldn't truly commit to me so I could say to myself "see you really are unlovable." I still fell in love, or the closest that I've ever come to falling in love, but sometimes I think that was because he was my first non-physically abusive relationship. The after-effects have been very tough but I continue to push through towards healthy love.

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