TaraMaiden Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 for each one there's thirty with the female screwing her husband over. usually its because he's boring even though he constantly does things for her and takes her on trips, but its not enough. these nice guys you know aren't just not good enough for you, they aren't good enough for any of you. they'll wind up fifty years old and alone is what'll happen. meanwhile you and a thousand other women will be fighting over a small group of guys, the ones every woman swoons over. I've been cheated on by three of my last four girlfriends, and every time the rug was pulled from under me. but it could be worse. there's some nice guys who can't even get a girlfriend. Let's not turn this into a "we're worse off than you" pi$$ing contest. heartbreak is heartbreak, no matter what the gender. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 for each one there's thirty with the female screwing her husband over. usually its because he's boring even though he constantly does things for her and takes her on trips, but its not enough. these nice guys you know aren't just not good enough for you, they aren't good enough for any of you. they'll wind up fifty years old and alone is what'll happen. meanwhile you and a thousand other women will be fighting over a small group of guys, the ones every woman swoons over. I've been cheated on by three of my last four girlfriends, and every time the rug was pulled from under me. but it could be worse. there's some nice guys who can't even get a girlfriend. That sucks that you were cheated on. That's never happened to me, but I'm sure it would be devastating. The world has plenty of users, both male and female, people who take advantage of other people because they're weak. I try to avoid those people.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I meant that people who use others are weak. A strong person with integrity doesn't need to do that.
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Dating is an imperfect process. In a perfect world, one great omnipotent mind would line up every single adult on the planet, and in its infinite wisdom match them with their "life partner" in such a way that maximizes everyone's satisfaction. That doesn't exist obviously. People have to look out for their interests individually. With very limited and incomplete information at hand. Its like a traffic jam. Studies have demonstrated the faster people drive in certain congestion regimes, the LONGER it takes to get out the other side. Everyone's trying to individually maximize their outcome and the result is inefficient. Pairing everyone is a profoundly complicated problem to solve.
soccerrprp Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Life is all about opportunity. We must always look for the next best thing. Are you stating this as a matter of fact or are you advising this?
StanMusial Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Dating is an imperfect process. In a perfect world, one great omnipotent mind would line up every single adult on the planet, and in its infinite wisdom match them with their "life partner" in such a way that maximizes everyone's satisfaction. That doesn't exist obviously. People have to look out for their interests individually. With very limited and incomplete information at hand. Its like a traffic jam. Studies have demonstrated the faster people drive in certain congestion regimes, the LONGER it takes to get out the other side. Everyone's trying to individually maximize their outcome and the result is inefficient. Pairing everyone is a profoundly complicated problem to solve. There are more women than men on this planet. So obviously we have a problem. Even if that were not the case, the factors that cause a man or woman to choose a mate are very different. As are the ways they go about it. I still wonder though, if this guy is "the one", if she should let another girl have him.
kart180 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Settle for good enough. Nice,caring,wholesome and non smoking and sober.
Eatspice23 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I would settle for good enough anytime. My last relationship involved what I considered to be true love and she broke up with me. Relationships are complicated, no sense it waiting for true love because once you find it there no grantees it will last. 2
Author stellastar2345 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 op here, I did leave him around a month ago. It was based on his subtle actions/way he said things about her. Like he's forgotten my birthday (not a big deal because I don't personally celebrate my birthday), but he always gives her something small for her birthday. She lives in another state, so she wasn't a glaring intrusion. I don't really regret it. He hasn't called me or begged me to come back. Matter of fact, the day we broke up he went clubbing and had a one night stand with a friend's sister. I don't think he was really ever interested in me, I was just someone to pass time with.
Mo_Do Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I am pretty sure "good enough" is what leads to the 50% divorce rate
Do_The_Herp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I think that there are two rules simultaneously co-existing; 1. There is no such thing as "better", only "good enough", and/or 2. There is always someone or something "better".. What IS good enough for someone? And likewise, what defines "better"? For me, personally, good enough is simply meeting my basic standards. 1. Non-smoker, NO drugs, social drinker. 2. No children / Steady job. 3. Not overweight. (There is a difference for me, between "thick"/chubby, either of which is certainly not considered thin but can be very attractive to me, and being overweight.) 4. Has hobbies/passions. Simple list, here. Anyone's "list" could technically go on for awhile, if they put in every basic positive personality quality/trait that everyone and their grandmother inherently desires in a partner.. Plenty of women out there who could live up to my list. Aside from that, I simply need to be attracted and enjoy their company and then spend enough time with them for me to really develop something substantial. But.. Relative to "good", is "better" simply more attractive? Or someone who overall has more in common with you than whom you're with? You have to think of how much the person your with already has in common with you relative to "better", and if they could ever drift apart or come closer to you in terms of shared interests and the like. If I really enjoy a person's company and am already attracted to them, that level of attraction can grow intensely over time, and it's certainly possible that I could enjoy their company more so than someone with whom it'd sound like I'd be happier "on paper"...
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I look back to my earlier post on this and think, hmmm, the OP is with a guy who is thinking about another girl...too bad. But I must add that "good enough" doesn't, in my mind, imply "settling" down expectations and standards. GOOD and ENOUGH can equally mean that the choice is what one has desired. AND I don't believe that someone can ALWAYS find someone "better" though this is dangerously subjective from person to person. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I really commend the OP for leaving him. I cannot imagine being with a man who gave another girl a birthday present when she was living in another STATE, yet forgetting my birthday entirely. Look, why are people so cynical about true love? The type of love that gives a guy butterflies, where a smile on her face is worth a 4 hour trek just to make her smile. It is rare not common but not THAT rare for some people. I am baffled as to WHY people would feel "okay" with the fact their partner was IN love with someone else, yet settled for you and tried to "grow to love you" and yet never had the capacity to fall madly in love? madly in love is not a thing reserved for fairy tales, I know men who would never in a million years consider their woman as their SECOND choice:sick: Proud of you OP, most women stay and accept the scraps because they would rather a stable and reliable partner and they don't much care about passion. 3
Arieswoman Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Stellarstar, You said I know I am my bf's second choice as the girl he truly loves is with someone else/doesn't like him that way. Ask yourself what would happen if she suddenly became available or had a change of heart? Would he drop you and go to her? I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who was hankering (secretly or openly) after someone else.
hotpotato Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I think it's a bad idea to be the someone who really doesn't want you. You need a man who is crazy about you. Don't settle. What happens if his first pick becomes available?
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