stellastar2345 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Long story short, I know I am my bf's second choice as the girl he truly loves is with someone else/doesn't like him that way. He treats me well (As do I to him). Do I settle for good enough, or try to find "true love"?
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 True love every time! Anyone that has ever had true love will tell you there is no comparison. My grandfather always told me, "You can be lonely all by yourself, but when your lonely with the one your supposed to love that is the depths of hopelessness". 1
ascendotum Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Its up to you OP. What we think should not really alter how you feel deep down inside. I think a lot of people could be with someone like your bf if they were crazy about them more so than them being the one with the less desire. which is better - being with someone you think is awesome but you are their 2nd choice or being with someone you think is just okay but treats you really well because they are infatuated with you? I think most people would chose first option, as long as their bf/gf didn't treat them 2nd rate. If you know he would prefer another girl you could probably learn to get over it, as long as it is not reflected in his actions. If he treats you really well, then enjoy it. Lots of people are with their 2nd choices. IMO its better to be the one who's not settling. Are you settling or is he settling in your situation (hard to tell)?
man_in_the_box Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Long story short, I know I am my bf's second choice as the girl he truly loves is with someone else/doesn't like him that way. He treats me well (As do I to him). Do I settle for good enough, or try to find "true love"? I think you should give some more details.
soccerrprp Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) Long story short, I know I am my bf's second choice as the girl he truly loves is with someone else/doesn't like him that way. He treats me well (As do I to him). Do I settle for good enough, or try to find "true love"? Oh, my. You know that you are his second choice? Ugh. So, he's daydreaming, coveting this other woman while with you? Is HE YOUR FIRST choice? It's obviously unfortunate that you know that you are his second choice. But, you know, in dating, in some way, we (many of use) are all someone's second choice. You may have a strong desire to be with someone, but that doesn't mean it was meant to be, or he/she was a soul-mate or that it should happen. In the end, our FIRST choice is the person that we eventually learn to love AND be loved. The most important question here is are YOU settling? Is he there for you 100%? Or are there signs that he's still thinking about her? If he is fully committed into you and there's no indication otherwise, continue with the relationship, but be observant. Edited February 14, 2014 by soccerrprp
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Unfortunately there are many relationships where at least one partner feels this way. The only difference is that their partner doesn't know explicitly (though there are always signs). Personally I would much rather be alone forever but it's up to you. 3
todreaminblue Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 gonna be different and say love the one you are with.....it is possible to be with someone and throw your heart and soul into loving them, showing them love when the person that you have feelings for doesn't reciprocate,harboring feelings for someone wont.....EVER.....be a guarantee of ever reaching fruition because your feelings are there ..........eventually when you throw yourself into something you land somewhere....it could be right in the middle of a love that lasts forever...give the guy a chance you may become the love of his life...time has keys to many things...deb
Woggle Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I am not into seeking perfection since it doesn't really exist but if you are his second choice you might as well end it now. What happens if she is ever available and he decides to go for it? 2
man_in_the_box Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I am not into seeking perfection since it doesn't really exist but if you are his second choice you might as well end it now. What happens if she is ever available and he decides to go for it? If he would do that, then he probably also would leave her if she was his first choice and later someone even better came along. It depends on the person whether they pull of that kind of stuff. 1
irc333 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Long story short, I know I am my bf's second choice as the girl he truly loves is with someone else/doesn't like him that way. He treats me well (As do I to him). Do I settle for good enough, or try to find "true love"? Wow, seems this thread is starting up constantly...so each time something like this IS posted....I always refer people to the Today Show Clip on "Forget about Mr Right, just settle for Mr Good Enough" or "Why it’s OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough" It basically focuses on chronically single women's unrealistic expectations in the unacheivable. They seem fixated on what's not so important in seeking a mate as opposed to what IS important. Watch the clips and READ the articles...it's quite an eye opener. These are the kinds of women that remain the only single woman left in the family or group of friends. Sometimes their friends try to introduce them to their single male friends within as social circle only to find some kind of insignificant flaw about them. Their friends and family members typically just shake their head and say to them, "Listen, you're over 40, never married, etc....tons of guys are asking you out, but you keep finding something silly reason to NOT date them...time to kind of ease up a bit."
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Wow, seems this thread is starting up constantly...so each time something like this IS posted....I always refer people to the Today Show Clip on "Forget about Mr Right, just settle for Mr Good Enough" or "Why it’s OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough" It basically focuses on chronically single women's unrealistic expectations in the unacheivable. They seem fixated on what's not so important in seeking a mate as opposed to what IS important. Watch the clips and READ the articles...it's quite an eye opener. These are the kinds of women that remain the only single woman left in the family or group of friends. Sometimes their friends try to introduce them to their single male friends within as social circle only to find some kind of insignificant flaw about them. Their friends and family members typically just shake their head and say to them, "Listen, you're over 40, never married, etc....tons of guys are asking you out, but you keep finding something silly reason to NOT date them...time to kind of ease up a bit." Someone being in love with another person is far from silly 3
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Long story short, I know I am my bf's second choice as the girl he truly loves is with someone else/doesn't like him that way. He treats me well (As do I to him). Do I settle for good enough, or try to find "true love"? How long you've been dating? How old are you? Is he in contact with her? Is she part of his circle of friends? Did they have a relationship together and she broke up with him or he's just pining over her? Did he tell you all this himself or it's hearsay from gossiping? 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Unfortunately there are many relationships where at least one partner feels this way. The only difference is that their partner doesn't know explicitly (though there are always signs). Personally I would much rather be alone forever but it's up to you. I agree. I ended my last relationship because, though I was crazy about him, he made it clear he didn't feel "true love" for me, and every reminder of that just stabbed me in the heart. I'm going for true love. And if I can't find that, I'd rather have a series of friendly and fun romances on the way, rather than tying my life to a practical love where I always feel something is missing. 3
irc333 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I agree. I ended my last relationship because, though I was crazy about him, he made it clear he didn't feel "true love" for me, and every reminder of that just stabbed me in the heart. I'm going for true love. And if I can't find that, I'd rather have a series of friendly and fun romances on the way, rather than tying my life to a practical love where I always feel something is missing. I recall a woman in my area, that was married 9 years...she recently seperated and she basically said the reason, that there was never an attraction between them to begin with. I had a hard time buying that though. Unless they married because all their friends were getting married and being that this is a small town area...that's just "The thing to do"?
385 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Long story short, I know I am my bf's second choice as the girl he truly loves is with someone else/doesn't like him that way. He treats me well (As do I to him). Do I settle for good enough, or try to find "true love"? I think age is what matters. If you guys are old, sometimes you just want to settle down. If you are young, you should probably still test the waters and see if you can find true love.
iris219 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Wow, seems this thread is starting up constantly...so each time something like this IS posted....I always refer people to the Today Show Clip on "Forget about Mr Right, just settle for Mr Good Enough" or "Why it’s OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough" It basically focuses on chronically single women's unrealistic expectations in the unacheivable. They seem fixated on what's not so important in seeking a mate as opposed to what IS important. Watch the clips and READ the articles...it's quite an eye opener. These are the kinds of women that remain the only single woman left in the family or group of friends. Sometimes their friends try to introduce them to their single male friends within as social circle only to find some kind of insignificant flaw about them. Their friends and family members typically just shake their head and say to them, "Listen, you're over 40, never married, etc....tons of guys are asking you out, but you keep finding something silly reason to NOT date them...time to kind of ease up a bit." SHE'S the one being settled for. He loves someone else but can't get her so has settled for the OP. Would you be with someone who considered you second best, who would leave you for the person they really wanted if they could? OP, I'm curious: how do you know he'd rather be with someone else? Did he tell you this? 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 It gets me when people post a thread then don't return.....
Conners Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 True love!! Don't settle for some mediocre relationship. I've had a few average relationships and one where I was completely in love It's better to be happy on your own than be in a relationship that isn't worth it
newmoon Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 it reminds me for some reason of that Bachelorette show; the guy she wanted walked off so the girl just picked anybody and then claimed he wasn't her second choice, but he obviously was. but they are still together, so it can work. but I think it works better when you don't actually know that you're the second choice; if you know he has deeper feelings for someone else then you'll always be troubled by that. so being a 2nd choice is fine if you're ignorant of it.
TaraMaiden Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 How about those who believed they were investing in 'excellent! Top level!' but it then turns into 'settling', due to neglect and 'laissez-faire'....?
SYLLPalmer Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Unfortunately there are many relationships where at least one partner feels this way. The only difference is that their partner doesn't know explicitly (though there are always signs). Personally I would much rather be alone forever but it's up to you. You are so right and yet I shudder to think of it. Purgatory. I am with you. I find nothing good about being someones pacifier. 1
SYLLPalmer Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 How about those who believed they were investing in 'excellent! Top level!' but it then turns into 'settling', due to neglect and 'laissez-faire'....? Tragic. Wasted love.
StanMusial Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 True love!! Don't settle for some mediocre relationship. I've had a few average relationships and one where I was completely in love:love: It's better to be happy on your own than be in a relationship that isn't worth it What if this guy is the one and only love of her life, and anyone else pales in comparison? Should she give him up or cling to her only chance at true love? Maybe she could get him to stick around for a year or two, should she try it? Could be a good year or two...
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I recall a woman in my area, that was married 9 years...she recently seperated and she basically said the reason, that there was never an attraction between them to begin with. I had a hard time buying that though. Unless they married because all their friends were getting married and being that this is a small town area...that's just "The thing to do"? I think most people are more practical than romantic in selecting a marriage partner. I'd estimate 10% of people or less marry the person that they feel is the love of their life. Probably 5% or less still feel that way after 10 years or more.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 its females who have these impossible to meet expectations and males who look good on paper but get the cold shoulder every time, or worse are in a marriage and out of the blue, she tells him she loves him, but is not in love with him or something. You can also find plenty of stories on this forum of men who settled for a nice girl to marry then ended up getting bored and cheating on her or leaving her. I know some nice guys I feel no romantic connection with who would date and probably even marry me and devote their life to raising and supporting a family with me. But I don't think it's fair to get with a guy I don't have any romantic feelings for, just so I won't be alone and can have kids. It would not be fair to enter a practical arrangement that I'm not sure I could sustain - that would end up hurting everybody. 1
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