makaveli Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I met a girl in 2012 and introduced myself, and after a while dated her for a little over a year. She was from China, and it was my first relationship. About a month after I met her, she went back to visit her family for the summer (about 3 months). She returned and we kept dating. She stayed at my house all the time, we were together most of the time, typical I guess. I ignored a lot of red flags form her, like her possessiveness. She probably ignored my neediness (admittedly I had no idea what I was doing, this was my first relationship). I'm assuming that I was too needy, so she broke up with me after she returned from China the following year (this was in August). She had stopped talking to me while she was gone, then the night that she came back I asked her if she needed a ride from the airport (she hadn't talked to me, wasn't sure when she'd be back in). She said she was taking the bus home, said "no but thanks though". She was pretty cold. At this point I still thought she loved me, that she had been busy. I went to her place to see what was up, figuring my worst fears were about to be confirmed. They were. I asked for her back quite a bit, she just said that she wanted space, that we were from two different worlds. It was hot and cold for a few weeks. I tried to get in contact a lot despite knowing that I shouldn't have. I eventually stopped talking to her after about 2 weeks of trying to tlak to her in person. I don't know what went on over there. She came back with some anti-American rhetoric.. I did a lot for her over the course of our relationship, but I suppose that I must have had some flaws that she did not like. Post BU I have spent a lot of time reading about other peoples' experiences. I learned that I should stop contacting her, and that I should seek self improvement. I haven't talked to her in a very long time. I got a new job and make more money now than I ever have before. Along with my job, I bought a new car and started to build credit for myself, and began to improve my college grades. Despite taking all steps to move forward, I still wonder about the girl that dumped me. She was very different. She was controlling, I acted like a doormat and ignored her racist remarks. I ignored her reasoning with me about how I shouldn't care about poor people. It was ****ed up. I don't know what I was thinking. We didn't argue much. I was pretty passive and there were a few times that I called out her bigotry. I tried to do as much as I could. I played "the nice guy". As far as other women go, and progress goes, I believe that I'm reaching the point where I am confident that I want another relationship, but after the last one, I want to make sure that it will go as I'd like it to. I want to be with a chick that is just a good person. My ex was beautiful, but mostly cold-hearted. For the past 5 or 6 months, I've been waiting for the memory of her to fade away so that I can pursue other women without feeling dishonest. My question, after all of this, is: For those of you who have moved beyond old relationships, do you think that it's alright to pursue other potential candidates regardless of whether or not you haven't completely forgotten about the ex? Is it dishonest to do it? Do the rewards of a new relationship help the old memories burn into nothingness? I am curious about this forum's response
David87 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 My question, after all of this, is: For those of you who have moved beyond old relationships, do you think that it's alright to pursue other potential candidates regardless of whether or not you haven't completely forgotten about the ex? Is it dishonest to do it? Do the rewards of a new relationship help the old memories burn into nothingness? I am curious about this forum's response It would be best if you let time to pass at least a month or two if your feelings for your ex were strong, but this is not a rule. It's not dishonest. If you find a new partner and you really like her and the feeling is mutual you'll forget all about your ex. 2
Author makaveli Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I understand, and I have not talked to her in about 6 months now. I haven't texted her, called her, or seen her. After I initiated NC, I made a firm commitment to myself that no matter how badly I wanted to get in touch, I did not ever want to talk to her again and I'd never give her a chance if she did want to talk to me. During the BU, she told me that she wanted to be my friend, accepted me back as her BF for a day or two, and acted confused. She called me once and told me that she missed my voice. I told her that when I was gone, I was gone forever and that I wasn't going to come back. I have not talked to her to this day, and I don't want to ever again, no matter how much it sucks. Mainly, I want the memories to disappear. Replacement would be nice, and after the whole experience of a first relationship (I am 23 years old) more wise. There is a cute girl in my science class that I really like. She is really weird, seems socially inept, and a little chubby. She is nothing like my ex, who was very "beautiful". I would like to date the new girl, but I don't want to turn into the kind of monster that my ex was. I don't want any skeletons in my closet, and I don't want to break anyone's heart.
David87 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I understand, and I have not talked to her in about 6 months now. I haven't texted her, called her, or seen her. After I initiated NC, I made a firm commitment to myself that no matter how badly I wanted to get in touch, I did not ever want to talk to her again and I'd never give her a chance if she did want to talk to me. During the BU, she told me that she wanted to be my friend, accepted me back as her BF for a day or two, and acted confused. She called me once and told me that she missed my voice. I told her that when I was gone, I was gone forever and that I wasn't going to come back. I have not talked to her to this day, and I don't want to ever again, no matter how much it sucks. Mainly, I want the memories to disappear. Replacement would be nice, and after the whole experience of a first relationship (I am 23 years old) more wise. There is a cute girl in my science class that I really like. She is really weird, seems socially inept, and a little chubby. She is nothing like my ex, who was very "beautiful". I would like to date the new girl, but I don't want to turn into the kind of monster that my ex was. I don't want any skeletons in my closet, and I don't want to break anyone's heart. Well my friend you have to undersand that memories don't just disappear you have to find some new to make other meories. Your ex was a monster because you let her become one. Ask the new girl on a date and se how it goes, if you like spending time with her continue dating, if not date someone else until you find a girl you'd like to have as your girlfriend.
Author makaveli Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Well my friend you have to undersand that memories don't just disappear you have to find some new to make other meories. Your ex was a monster because you let her become one. Ask the new girl on a date and se how it goes, if you like spending time with her continue dating, if not date someone else until you find a girl you'd like to have as your girlfriend. I wish there was an "erase" button, lol. 1
David87 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Haha that would be nice. You handled very well your breakup, accepted the loss, it will be much better.
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