napy666 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 My friend calls me and right away complains. She tells me she goes all out for Valentine's Day for her boyfriend because she won't be spending it with him due to her working. So she goes all out buying his favorite perfume, candy, balloons, hearts, rose pedals, and decks out his bedroom at his mom/sister/her kid's apartment. Her boyfriend's sister's daughter is already being noisy 7 years old, and wants some of the goodies my friend had set up for him. She gives in and gives her a thing or two then closes the door. She is upset and dislikes how her and her boyfriend were suppose to be moved in together last month but it's now February and still nothing has happened. She is the one doing everything, and she isn't getting anything in return. My friend then tells me that the sister and his mom have been apartment hunting and have found some places but they keep making "excuses" about these places so they have yet to move. My friend wants her man to move out of his families place and in with her at her own home in their back guest house/room. But he isn't moving out because he has to stay home to pay rent. The boyfriend pays rent, the sister pays rent and the mom pays rent they all pitch in. My friend dislikes how the sister can afford to pay her own rent at her own place IF SHE HAD ONE, but yet refuses. She also dislikes how the sister is always buying her little kid toys and clothes left and right. My friend says she is going to wait until the end of March and if this guy is not moved out and in with her she is ended the 1 year relationship.
Keenly Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Oh my god........ Tell your friend to remove all of this stuff from this mans room IMMEDIATELY! You do not give men rose petals, flowers, and candy. Oh my god. What has she done. 13
Author napy666 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 LOL why not you wouldn't want to be romantic like that by a girlfriend or wife?
theediblewoman Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 LOL why not you wouldn't want to be romantic like that by a girlfriend or wife? It's a bit intense but some people like that. How long has your friend been with her boyfriend. How old are they? I find a lot of time people rush into moving a which can kind of ruin things and then its hard to move out and keep the relationship afloat, but may that's just me!
Author napy666 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Been together for 1 year tomorrow, she's 25 and he's 36.
Omei Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Oh my god........ Tell your friend to remove all of this stuff from this mans room IMMEDIATELY! You do not give men rose petals, flowers, and candy. Oh my god. What has she done. Haha! Your prob right.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 She wants him to move into her guesthouse? I would be like why don't you just fix me up a cot in the garage? Weird... Rose petals etc? Guys don't like that stuff. Why not just remove his testicles and hang them up on the wall? Shes jealous of his sister buying her kid clothes? I'm not sure they even have medicine for that kind of psychosis. The man is a boy. The girl is bug crazy. And the mom and sister are happy to have him stay a boy and pay bills for them. My advice is everyone should get counseling and medication asap. 1
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 He's full of excuses and she is young and naive. He does not want to move in, he's shown it with his lack of actions and list of excuses. Also, it's not because she likes balloons, flowers and bunnies that men does. That junk is for Disney princesses. If you want to please your man on Valentines Day you get yourself the sl!uttiest lingerie you can find and you *** his brain out. 1
Treasa Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Your friend seems immature (seriously, being jealous of how he treats the other people in his family well?), and he clearly doesn't want to change his living situation or move in near her. She should put up or shut up. Either accept it or leave him and move on to someone else. 1
mammasita Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Why is this 36 year old man living with his mom again?
hotpotato Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Fatal attraction And so what if he doesn't want move in after merely a year? Does she think moving in will lead to engagement? Doing all that for a man wreaks of desperation. That sounds like something more appropriate for an wedding anniversary surprise that a husband is doing for a wife...
Emilia Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Why is this 36 year old man living with his mom again? That was going to be my question. Why take a man like that seriously?
joystickd Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Moving in together is like being an FWB and wanting you be in a relationship. Eventually she will want to get married and he wouldn't be willing to because why get married when she is being a wife without being married. It's like why have the cow when the milk is free. If you two are not looking to get married then that is cool.
joystickd Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 That was going to be my question. Why take a man like that seriously? So a man shouldn't be taken seriously that still at home even if he pays bills there or takes care of sick family members and not just some bum?
hotpotato Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Moving in together is like being an FWB and wanting you be in a relationship. Eventually she will want to get married and he wouldn't be willing to because why get married when she is being a wife without being married. It's like why have the cow when the milk is free. If you two are not looking to get married then that is cool. Exactly. People should be able to look around and see that nowadays. Moving in does not mean long term commitment, and it definitely doesn't mean marriage is around the corner. I wonder what would happen if he moved in and 10 years and he doesn't marry her. Violence? Time to boil bunnies?
MyEvilTwin Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I sense impatience on her part. So they were going to move in together only a month ago and haven't yet? If he's stalling, stalling is an answer you know. As for the gifts...to each their own. Maybe he will love them. Maybe he will think they are goofy. Maybe he will think they are goofy but will love them anyway because they came from her. Why all the judgment people?
Author napy666 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 He has to live at home because he has to pay for half the rent, he has to put in $500 bucks, then his mom puts in half and the sister half. He cannot move out because his sister says she can't afford to pay rent without him there so he needs to be there to help with the money. But that is BS because the sister spoils her little girl with a new toy every single day! Or she goes out clubbing or out to dinner etc. So the sister does have money and can pay but she chooses not too.
Radu Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 He's full of excuses and she is young and naive. He does not want to move in, he's shown it with his lack of actions and list of excuses. Also, it's not because she likes balloons, flowers and bunnies that men does. That junk is for Disney princesses. If you want to please your man on Valentines Day you get yourself the sl!uttiest lingerie you can find and you *** his brain out. Either that or he is under the control of his sister/mom ... both spell disaster.
Radu Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 He has to live at home because he has to pay for half the rent, he has to put in $500 bucks, then his mom puts in half and the sister half. He cannot move out because his sister says she can't afford to pay rent without him there so he needs to be there to help with the money. But that is BS because the sister spoils her little girl with a new toy every single day! Or she goes out clubbing or out to dinner etc. So the sister does have money and can pay but she chooses not too. So ... 3 halves ? Why is your 25yr old friend so impatient ? The ultimatum is also ... bad, i really hope she didn't give him that. Have your friend tally up the amount she spends on herself [clubbing and stuff] and her daughter's toys. If it comes up to a good amount, then yes, she is using her brother. But does the brother realize this or not ? And is he willing to do something about it or not ? PS: I really dislike your friend's ultimatum tbh. Quite frankly, if i was in this guy's shoes, and i was given such an ultimatum by a 25yr old girl, i would think she is desperately on the fast track to wife/mommy-land, and it would make me re-evaluate our relationship. My cousin went through that, and now he's divorced, 1yr after she had the baby and got the big wedding.
Treasa Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Oh my gosh, it's not like his sister or his mom are holding a gun to his head, and it's none of your friend's business what his sister does with her money or how she treats her child. This is just ridiculous. Not only should your friend be posting (why do you care so much?), but I'd tell her that he made his choice, and she can either accept it or move on. 1
Tayken Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 @ OP.....remember, "blood is thicker than water", always will be. When I first read this, I knew it had to be people in their 20s .....roses, petals and candy? No man in their right mind, will move in with a woman anyway in the first place....it's akin to selling your soul to the devil. Once you do that, you lose all your rights / voice. Cos guess what happens when you have a misunderstanding / issue? Yes you guessed....pack your stuff and get out
Els Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 LOL why not you wouldn't want to be romantic like that by a girlfriend or wife? Because in general different genders appreciate different types of gifts (though obviously there are exceptions). That being said, is there a reason you are asking about your friend? Her bf doesn't want to move in with her and there is nothing you or she can do about that. All the roses and candy in the world aren't going to change his mind (except perhaps for the worse... ) She can either accept it or leave.
SpiralOut Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Why does it matter what your friend is doing? Is she annoying you with all her complaining? Either distance yourself or tell her straight-up that you don't want to talk about it anymore. Tell her to give you an update in March.
Author napy666 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Yeah but if I tell her I don't wanna hear it anymore she will complain because I'm not being a friend and listening to her problems. She is 25 and her boyfriend is 37. I have given her a lot of advice but she doesn't take it.
SpiralOut Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Sometimes listening to someone complain too much does them more harm than good. It allows them to go around and around in circles, instead of doing something to actually help themselves. It can also make them feel worse if they keep themselves in an angry, upset emotional state. Sometimes the best thing a friend can do is to bring them to the gym or to the movies and get their mind off of things. I think your friend is too dependent upon her boyfriend for her own happiness. That's why she won't listen to your advice - she can't let go. Lots of people make that mistake. If you haven't done so already, I would encourage her to spend a night forgetting about it and letting herself have fun.
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