Firehead94 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Ok so me and this girl arranged for coffee date next week.(I asked her) Background info: I met her in one of my classes in college around december and we started talking since then. Well technically we knew each other since september which was the beginning of class, but we didnt really start talking until december. I work at this huge supermarket and it turned out that she worked there too. Just different times and location. (What a coincidence lol) So we started knowing each other after that. Ok so this is going to be the first time seeing her outside of class and I am kinda nervous. Tbh, I feel like she is the right person for me and I really dont want to push her away. And I eventually plan on asking her out. Btw she is 22 and I am 19-turning 20 next month. Im really bad at conversations and I tend to turn girls off by saying something completely unrelated or stupid or sluttering my words. Ive went on dates before and I guess it went fine but not perfect. I want to make this perfect. So what are some good things to talk about with her? Also, how long should you stick to the same conversation topic and when can you move on to another topic. Pls help I suck at conversations so I dont really know! I really dont want to make this an awkward date. Btw, I have some additional info that might help you guys answer. She recently quit that job because she started looking for internships. We have different majors. We are both asian but different nationality and fluent in our respective languages. We dont know too much of our personal background yet. And the day we started talking was during class time and I only saw her again once at our workplace and we talked there alittle but not too much cuz she was working that time and I couldnt distract her too much. And after that I got her number and we texted a couple times. So Ive only had a face to face conversation with her twice. Sorry this turned out very long but please please help. I need some advice on what to talk about with her and how to not make awkward silences and keep the conversation going. Thanks
OhThatGirl Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Ok so this is going to be the first time seeing her outside of class and I am kinda nervous. Tbh, I feel like she is the right person for me and I really dont want to push her away. My advice? Relax. My second piece of advice? Don't think she is the girl for you when you haven't even spent time with her. What you're at risk of doing is putting her on a pedestal and thinking she is so incredible and you are the one that will screw it all up. We often take our biggest fears and inadvertently make them a reality when we are dating. INSTEAD recognize she is a person who has strengths and faults just like you. Pay attention to what she says while thinking through if she is really a good match for you as a person. When you listen and contemplate what she's saying you give her the honor of hearing what she says and not only what you want to hear. You also give yourself the honor of deciding rationally if she is indeed the "right girl for you." If she says she beats up puppies and cheated on her last 12 boyfriends are you still going to think she's the right girl? Probably not. Here's a hint. No one says that. Instead she might say subtle things that you have to weigh. Is she planning on moving away after school? Will she have time for you while doing an internship? Does she have a similar lifestyle/idea of fun/moral background as you? You put a LOT of pressure on the situation when you already have your future planned with this girl. Stop, give yourself a chance to realize this isn't about winning her over but instead is about finding out what kind of person she is. Only AFTER you know the details can you really make a decision about her. So don't worry about it. Just have a normal conversation like you'd have with a friend or coworker. Practice on them. Note the pace and tone of the conversation. It's light, it's easy, it flows. You know why? You're not trying to convince them to be your friend or coworker. They already are. Just like you aren't trying to convince this girl to be yours over a cup of coffee. You're just having a nice time. The rest will fall into place! 2
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Alright I'll give you a great way to seem really interesting and connect with her without having to talk very much. Its super easy and relaxed and if you do it right she will think your her soul mate. Ask questions, a lot of questions!! They love it because you are interested in what they have to say. Girls love to talk about themselves. As they are telling their stories make fun of them just a little, tease them about stupid things they do in their stories. But keep mental notes of the stuff that really means something to them. Now after you have extracted the info you need to start talking. Again this is super easy because your just going to parrot back to them what they said. Just relate stories from your own life that project how you know they feel about certain moralities, likes, interests etc etc. Young women feel like no one understands them. If you can hit like 3-4 major points with her your good. You can even make stuff up if you like but if you want a relationship I don't recommend making stories up. You will get busted in the future when you don't remember your own BS. At the end she will walk away thinking he understands me better then anyone ever! And he is really interested in what I have to say. And you only had to talk like 20% of the conversation. Women will rip on me a new one on here but it works every time at your age.
Author Firehead94 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Hm ok but isnt sometimes asking too many questions will make her feel like Im interrogating her in an interview or something and make her feel uncomfortable?
Author Firehead94 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Is she planning on moving away after school? Will she have time for you while doing an internship? Does she have a similar lifestyle/idea of fun/moral background as you? Yea those are great I guess I will ask her those stuff and Ill try making a list of my own topics to talk about too
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Hm ok but isnt sometimes asking too many questions will make her feel like Im interrogating her in an interview or something and make her feel uncomfortable? I'll give you an example of a conversation I had tonight. Girl mentions she likes a bathroom remodel her friend just had done and shows me a picture. I mention that I know a guy that does concrete counter tops. She mentions her father is a carpenter. I tell her about my grandfather being a carpenter and working with him as a small child. She goes into working with her dad as a child. And being around that industry all her life. And how its some of her favorite memories from childhood working with her Dad. I go into how I did an a addition on my grandfathers house when I was 6 and framing my first door. I go on to tell her after he died I did more work on his house and found that frame. He and I had signed our names and date on the 2x4. I had completely forgot about it and instantly it transported me back in time. I left the subject mentioning I still have that 2x4 at home. The whole story about my grandfather is true. And in that moment talking about that 2x4 I could see her becoming emotional involved. Instant connection. She instantly goes into let me buy you a drink mode. Next thing shes touching me all over. I tell her shes making me uncomfortable touching me so much and keep her hands to herself. She offers umm more touching and I turn her down. LOL This wasnt a date just a girl I met tonight at work. But maybe that helps you get the idea more clearly. Hope it helps you... 1
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