RespectfullyAlone Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) At work yesterday, I go to the post office to pick up some supplies. I'm walking and I see on the other side of the road, the mother of the "other guy", the person whom my ex was secretly in a relationship with before being with me. I recognize who it is, and manage to look away before she sees me or makes eye contact. She is a good friend of my parents. I look away quickly and keep on walking. I have no issue with this person, but honestly what is there to talk about. 2 hours later, I'm at lunch. I'm standing at an intersection, and a friend drives past and honks the horn, I wave, and carry on walking through the intersection. 5mins later, I'm sitting in a cafe, and this same friend comes in and sits next to me. We say our hellos. Then he goes into how he's picking up a drum set because the band he's in is going to be playing at a wedding this weekend. Dum dum dum, the wedding of my ex, and her guy! This was not really what I wanted to hear. Once I had my order and he went off to get a juice at a nearby place, I basically took off back to work and just ate at my desk. But the day only got getter. I accidentally dropped a brand spanking new laptop at work and pretty much totaled it. $1500 worth, and it hadn't even been unpacked from the new box 2 days. Brilliant. Not sure if my boss will slug me with the replacement bill, but any reasonable boss would realize it's never happened before, and just tell you to be more careful next time. My boss, whose and ahole just gave me the silent seething treatment. Anyway. I visit my parents for dinner. I relay to my Mum the day's events. And why on that particular day did this all happen. Why did I have to run into someone who then just randomly informs me of my ex's wedding. It's then that my Mum tells me that in Church the past weekend, my ex spoke to her and invited my Mum and Dad to her wedding. She said she knew they wouldn't probably come, but that she didn't want to single them out by not inviting them. My Mum replied that in another set of circumstances, she would have been more than happy to attend, but that she and my Dad would not be. I had asked my Mum several months ago to not tell me anything about my ex, unless it was of her trying or wanting to communicate. So the wedding is tomorrow. Wonderful. I wish her nothing but the worst in every possible way. So what happened one year ago to the day you wonder? After she had ditched me via txt and FB msg on New Years Eve whilst I was overseas with my Dad camping and ran off with this other guy, some months after that on Feb the 13th, this was the second and final time I ever heard from her again after the break up. She was asking for my help with some project she was working on, and sent it to 2 of my Facebook accounts. One which I had never used, and then she realized I didn't use it, so re-sent it to my main account. She ended it with saying she hoped I was keeping well. I never responded. What makes this even weirder is that on Feb 14th, last year, one day after her small communication, which when I think about it, she must have known I would not have had any interest in helping her out in anyway, let alone communicating with her after her lies and deception, she got engaged. Yippee! Some female friends of mine were 1000% sure this meant she was attempting to reach out to me because in their opinion, the new guy hadn't popped the question quick enough to her. It only took a day I suppose and she had the ring and was engaged. No need for me anymore, and back to the scrap heap I went. Did I mention today is my sister's birthday. She also won't be attending the wedding, nor some of her close friends who are mutual friends of this girl. Because they know what she did and have no intention of showing their approval. Maybe after Saturday I will finally finally be free of any feelings for this girl. I suspect not. I sadly still love her, and I know my Mum said how sad she was too, to be seeing this girl marry this other guy. I however feel I am ready for a new relationship. Yet know with my now massive low self esteem and anger that I hold, there really isn't anything to look forward to. I at one time was a great guy, full of life, of love, or wanting a family, to care for someone. But I've had my heart broken too many times now. I'm not the same, and I honestly feel I will never be the same person ever again. I hate this girl for everything that she has done, and for how it's affected me. Yet I still love her. So I suffer in silence, with only my family knowing what really occurred. Time doesn't heal, it only makes you blunt and numb. PS. Fk Valentines Day! Edited February 14, 2014 by RespectfullyAlone
Never Again Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Time doesn't heal, it only makes you blunt and numb. Every hour wounds. The last one kills. Sorry to hear of your struggles
picnicinthepark Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Wow I am so sorry brother. That is crazy. I can't even imagine.
StringsAttached Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 You're letting it bother you. You're not obligated to let it bother you. You're misery is your own choice. She lost interest in you. People move on for whatever reason because they're human. She probably found something in her soon to be husband that she didn't have with you. Respect that. Honestly, it's been a year and you still seem like you're in the same spot. Wish her happiness and move on with your life for your own sake because you deserve better. You're putting your ex on a pedestal, she's not a Goddess and sure as hell is not worth 1 year+ of suffering. I might be coming off as rude but I genuinely feel for your situation and the fact that you may destroy your chance to be happy in the future because of a human. She doesn't give a rat's ass about your happiness.
Author RespectfullyAlone Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 I have done everything advised to get over an ex. I have not only removed them from all social media, I have blocked them. I have deleted all pictures, emails, txt msgs, phone numbers. I do not look at this persons FB page, despite it being pretty much public. I have asked all of my family to not tell me anything about my ex. I do not want to hear anything. Yet it's my fault I run into a random friend and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is the info about my ex's wedding? I want to be happy, I don't choose to be miserable. And I don't feel the need to bother anymore coming to this site if the replies are going to be as insensitive as yours. Adios LS.
Itspointless Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Did you consider therapy? It takes time to heal from trauma, sometimes a lot of time. And as you said you have (understandable) anger that you need something to do with. Take care man.
esteem-jam Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Realise it cant be that the wedding date is picked to intentionally hurt you. The guy was probably desperate to "secure" her too - been engaged already a year, he probably pressured her too. The drummer friend - he just wanted to test the waters with this information and your reaction to it.
Author RespectfullyAlone Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Realise it cant be that the wedding date is picked to intentionally hurt you. The guy was probably desperate to "secure" her too - been engaged already a year, he probably pressured her too. The drummer friend - he just wanted to test the waters with this information and your reaction to it. The date has nothing to do with me. The date doesn't mean anything to me other than it being exactly one year ago to the day, that I last heard from her. So to go all that time, going to great lengths to not ever run into her, see her or find out anything about her, well you can imagine my surprise more than anything. This friend who I ran into, is one I have only probably seen 2x times in a year. My drummer friend didn't know about my relationship with this girl, so he wasn't testing anything, but rather simply speaking what was on his mind. Step 1, go pickup some drums, Step 2, go get some lunch. That's when he ran into me. I have no idea who was more desperate to secure who. But I do know in the beginning it was 100% all her. But that's history now and not my problem. And to the previous poster, absolutely I'm angry. I've wasted half my life with liars, cheaters and deceivers. And I'm no closer to being able to have kids and a family. I will never get back any of that time, nor do I see myself meeting anyone else at this point. So instead of just feeling nothing, void and empty, at least I have some anger to keep my company once in awhile.
Itspointless Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 And to the previous poster, absolutely I'm angry. I've wasted half my life with liars, cheaters and deceivers. And I'm no closer to being able to have kids and a family. I will never get back any of that time, nor do I see myself meeting anyone else at this point. So instead of just feeling nothing, void and empty, at least I have some anger to keep my company once in awhile. Yeah OK I understand, but you also wrote: Time doesn't heal, it only makes you blunt and numb. Before you can accept what happened and go one with your life you have to deal with your anger. Having anger is good, but it keeps you in your grief. You know what I mean? As I said, it sometimes takes a lot of time to accept the things for what they are. Bluntly said, it is like this and you will have to learn to live with it. Just as I have to accept some things, and not for the first time. Yes life blows, but we have to deal with it. Now you anger works for you, but it also keeps you in this mindset. Therefore it is good to work through your anger with professional guidance. Anger is helpful when used in a right way.
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