mortensorchid Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I have been seeing this guy for the last 2 months or so. I have some concerns at this moment, please read on ... 1) His divorce - He has been divorced for the last 7 months, officially having moved out of the house about a year ago. He and his now ex wife married a few years ago because she was pregnant. A few weeks/days after they had married, she miscarried and apparently they never attempted again to have another child. According to him, his ex wife is/was a college professor at a university here, and for work she would spend 9+ months in another country for her work and he stayed here. One day, about a year ago, he said he was leaving and she said "see ya". He said it was more like a break up rather than a divorce. 2) Goofiness - He is a bit of a goofball, I am more serious minded. I know, all men are children deep down, but some are more childlike than others. I think he might be a bit too goofy, if that makes sense, at least for me. It doesn't bother me as much that I am demanding that he behave himself in public and/or private (like I have with one or two from the recent past, but they were so immature it was ridiculous.). Obviously, of the two above points the first is of a bigger concern. It's just rather odd. How do others feel about this?
ja123 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 What do you feel his divorce might indicate about his character?
Author mortensorchid Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I honestly don't know how to answer that question, OP. I barely know him after 2 months or so.
ja123 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Well, all I can say is that you make it sound like it wasn't a real marriage, so he might not be as experienced with LTRs as a usual marriage would indicate. Are you thinking about an LTR with this guy? How old is he? Does he have a job? Does he have other relationship experience?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 What specifically concerns you about his divorce? I'm not really sure what you're asking about or what bothers you about it.
Shosh Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 What specifically concerns you about his divorce? I'm not really sure what you're asking about or what bothers you about it. I second this.
Author mortensorchid Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 What concerns me about the divorce is the fact that based on the little knowledge that I have about his marriage, I find the situation to be rather odd. I mean, your spouse moves away to another country for 9+ months at a time and you stay here? It doesn't sound like a very healthy situation. I have known many couples (friends of my parents) who have lived like this at least temporarily. And others who live apart because they can't stand being around one another anymore, and others who simply walk away and leave their families behind. It sounds like that is what happened here to this marriage. He has had other LTRs as well, some with people I know (or those I do not know well). I simply do not trust the situation based on what he said about the marriage. As for the potential LTR with me and him... I don't know how I feel at this moment about it. Most of the feeling is based on the fact that I don't know that much about him and the information on his marriage. It just sounds odd. Don't others think that? If there was any more information on it, I don't know any more about it.
Author mortensorchid Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 And to answer another few questions, yes he has a job. He is 49. He has said that he wants to have kids. I hope that's not a line.
gaius Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Maybe he's just into women who aren't that into him. If this is the same guy you debated dumping a little while back but decided to stick with it would make sense. It's not healthier or unhealthier, it's just what he likes.
Iguanna Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 OP it seems that your subconscious is trying to tell you something. I always try to trust my subconscious and I advise other people to do so. Some people here may tell you that you are overreacting and overthinking it, but I totally agree with you; when something goes wrong we can't take it out of our minds and pretend it's not there, that's what stupid people do. With the way you were describing him I honestly thought he was like 20 or something and I'm surprised he is 49. It seems he takes life irresponsibly and lightly, or that he is not that smart. Either way, I don't think he's a man that a serious and intelligent woman like you would want. Trust your gut and let him go. There is something wrong there, there is no need to stay to find it out. Good luck 1
soccerrprp Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 OP it seems that your subconscious is trying to tell you something. I always try to trust my subconscious and I advise other people to do so. Some people here may tell you that you are overreacting and overthinking it, but I totally agree with you; when something goes wrong we can't take it out of our minds and pretend it's not there, that's what stupid people do. With the way you were describing him I honestly thought he was like 20 or something and I'm surprised he is 49. It seems he takes life irresponsibly and lightly, or that he is not that smart. Either way, I don't think he's a man that a serious and intelligent woman like you would want. Trust your gut and let him go. There is something wrong there, there is no need to stay to find it out. Good luck I apologize, but how in the world did you come to these conclusions based on what the OP wrote? She says she's goofy, but that is subjective. Her goofy could be playful to someone else and nothing to be concerned about. I am a little puzzled about his relationship with ex wife though. OP, you said that you know people who know him. Ask them more. Ask him more.
Iguanna Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I apologize, but how in the world did you come to these conclusions based on what the OP wrote? Cause of the way he acted in his marriage and how he broke up with his wife. I just got this feeling, that he is irresponsible. Combined with being goofy at 49, I think it's too much for me to handle. That's how I advised the OP. I may be wrong of course.
StanMusial Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Military personnel deal with long separations from their spouses. Other jobs require the same situation. You said yourself you barely know him. Why make assumptions? Heck just forget about him if it bothers you. Honestly I have seen some of your other posts, and either you're having bad luck or maybe it's just you. 1
Treasa Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 You posted this in another thread from two weeks ago: I am now with someone new. He's good so far from what I know about him (after a few weeks). He has a job/career, seems happy, treats me well (so far) and he seems to be crazy about me. Problem? I hate to say this, but when things are so boring it's like you don't know what to do. I am working against the wiring in my brain that says "go for exciting", and I am not going to dump him because I am bored with him by any means. That would be ridiculous to not even give it a chance. What do others do or say when they are in this situation? I acknowledge fully what this is: It is working against that wiring in a woman's mind to not go for "nice guys" and do go for Alpha Males aka Bad Boys. He's a good man (from what I know/see about him so far), I want to do better and make positive changes. Without pointing out the obvious, what do others think? So, he's a nice guy with a good job/career who treats you well. Goofy does not equal irresponsible. I'm goofy. I'm also very mature and responsible. I find it worrisome that you think you should or have the right to tell him how to behave in public. If you don't feel like his personality meshes with yours, then by all means break up with him. But don't try to control how someone else acts. It will blow up on you, or, at the very least, not work. As far as the marriage thing is concerned, it seems like he tried to be responsible, and got hurt. From just your posts so far, I feel sorry for the guy.
StanMusial Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 You posted this in another thread from two weeks ago: So, he's a nice guy with a good job/career who treats you well. Goofy does not equal irresponsible. I'm goofy. I'm also very mature and responsible. I find it worrisome that you think you should or have the right to tell him how to behave in public. If you don't feel like his personality meshes with yours, then by all means break up with him. But don't try to control how someone else acts. It will blow up on you, or, at the very least, not work. As far as the marriage thing is concerned, it seems like he tried to be responsible, and got hurt. From just your posts so far, I feel sorry for the guy. ...and 1 week prior: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/456718-worst-internet-date-ever I don't really know who is who or which is which. Maybe a break from dating would help you.
Author mortensorchid Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Yeah ... I don't know what to think anymore except that I am kind of in a limbo state and not knowing what to do about anything, or making something out of nothing. I just find the marriage situation to be strange. But I am just going to relax and say whatever will be will be from now on.
SJC2008 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 He's not the proverbial D-bag that you're used to and he's getting close to your walls if he's not there already. I'm not judging you, I'm working on fixing my people picker.
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