thundermunch Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 This girl and I have dated on and off for about 3 years now. She is my first love, and I have not dated anyone since I started this on and off relationship with her. On the other hand, she has recently had another boyfriend after we broke up for the last time 6 months ago. She has broken up with this recent boyfriend, and we have reconnected. We have hung out pretty much every day for a month. We do everything a couple would; we cuddle, sleep together, have sex, etc. However, she says she does not have feelings for me.. and this doesn't make sense to me. I consider myself an extremely nice guy and I do a lot for her. When she tells me there's nothing between us, I always ask her what the difference would be if we started dating again. But she runs away from thw question and never likes to answer with anything other than she does not have feelings for me. I guess my questions are: 1. Is there anything I can do to get her to be with me again officially? I have done everything for her the last month. 2. Is she just using me? I know she likes hanging out with me and doing stuff with me, but I just don't understand.. 3. Do I stay in this "friend"ship? It makes me happy spending time with her, but I'm scared one day she will just forget me and start with another guy no matter what I do.. please help
funnywoman Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I really hate to say this, because you seem to have deep feelings for her, but it seems to me that she is with you now because she doesn't have anything else at the moment. At least she has been honest with you about having no feelings for you. You need to accept that she will always 'fall back' on you when she has nothing better. It's a terrible place to be, everyone has been there at some point, but the best thing you can do is break all ties with her and find someone that loves you. I'm very sorry for the hurt this may have caused you.
ja123 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I agree with funnywoman. You really need to break all ties with this girl (go "no contact") so that you can move on and meet someone who will return your love, attention, and care.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 OP, to be very blunt, you're her Plan B. She likes the companionship you offer but she will likely be gone the moment another guy walks into her life and sweeps her off her feet. You said you've done everything for her for the last month. You need to stop doing so, as you're being taken advantage of. It seems like quite a one-sided arrangement, and one month is long enough to see that it's not going to be reciprocated. You can't get her to be with you officially again unless she wants to; she told you she doesn't have feelings for you - listen to her. I would end this friendship. You're bound to wind up in a world of pain if you don't.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Honestly, if the sex is good I'd say keep hitting it. Maybe bang a friend or two of hers while your at it. She has no feelings it won't bother her right? I'd introduce her to people as my right hand girl. When they give a weird look I'd say when I don't use my hand shes a good substitute. The point is this chick is toxic garbage and as soon as you realize that your gonna be just fine. Treat her like the piece of dirt she is. Use her up like she is doing to you and find a better girl. Girls are a dime a dozen and you have a pocket full of change. Happy Hunting!!! 1
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 : 1. Is there anything I can do to get her to be with me again officially? I have done everything for her the last month. 2. Is she just using me? I know she likes hanging out with me and doing stuff with me, but I just don't understand.. 3. Do I stay in this "friend"ship? It makes me happy spending time with her, but I'm scared one day she will just forget me and start with another guy no matter what I do.. please help 1. No, life will be easier when you understand you cannot control people and their feelings. She told you she feels nothing for you, beleive her. 2. Yes, when someone takes from you and is unwilling to give back, it's using someone. 3. No, it's not worth it because you have 2 different goals. She wants a fwb, you want a romantic relationship. What you need is to date other women. You hung on to her because she's your only one, she's familiar and less work than going out there to meet someone new. Once you are in a real reciprocating relationship you won't want any of those the little crumbs she has offer you.
soccerrprp Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 This girl and I have dated on and off for about 3 years now. She is my first love, and I have not dated anyone since I started this on and off relationship with her. On the other hand, she has recently had another boyfriend after we broke up for the last time 6 months ago. She has broken up with this recent boyfriend, and we have reconnected. We have hung out pretty much every day for a month. We do everything a couple would; we cuddle, sleep together, have sex, etc. However, she says she does not have feelings for me.. and this doesn't make sense to me. I consider myself an extremely nice guy and I do a lot for her. When she tells me there's nothing between us, I always ask her what the difference would be if we started dating again. But she runs away from thw question and never likes to answer with anything other than she does not have feelings for me. I guess my questions are: 1. Is there anything I can do to get her to be with me again officially? I have done everything for her the last month. 2. Is she just using me? I know she likes hanging out with me and doing stuff with me, but I just don't understand.. 3. Do I stay in this "friend"ship? It makes me happy spending time with her, but I'm scared one day she will just forget me and start with another guy no matter what I do.. please help When I hear people with relationships that have been ON and OFF, that is NEVER a good sign and sounds more like co-dependency instead of love. This relationship has very little chance of working out for the better. She is using you as a comfort blanket to come to when things fail. Please spare yourself further pain, disappointment.
BradJacobs Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 1. Is there anything I can do to get her to be with me again officially? I have done everything for her the last month. Why would you want to? She's stated numerous times that she doesn't have feelings for you. While you were doing Lord knows what, she was busy loving another guy for half a year. 2. Is she just using me? I know she likes hanging out with me and doing stuff with me, but I just don't understand.. No. You are trying to leverage doing everything for her to get her to love you. It ain't going to happen so stop doing everything for her. This is just like men who try to buy a woman's affection with gifts early on. Just stop. She doesn't want you. 3. Do I stay in this "friend"ship? It makes me happy spending time with her, but I'm scared one day she will just forget me and start with another guy no matter what I do.. please help You all ready see the writing on the wall. Start dating other women. Stop making this one the focus of your attention. In time you will forget her.
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