lakerman34 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 So, this is the SAME girl for the past 14 months (wrote about her quite a lot on this forum, look some things up if you'd like. She's the girl I almost had sex with and rejected when she was on top of me back in February 2013). I called it a "date" often. It was supposed to be dinner and a movie. Morning of (yesterday morning), I messaged her to remind her. She asked if she could bail on the movie because she wasn't feeling well and wanted to go to bed early. Fine, whatever. I was 5 minutes away from picking her up, and she texts me. She has a thesis meeting, and needs to be there at 8:30. That would only allow for a 90 minute date. Ugh. Not looking good. Then I pick her up. She's dress casually, but nicely, and she is wearing makeup and it looks like she worked on her hair. She's the type of girl that NEVER does her hair or makeup. Her jokes were AWFUL, but I thought they were cute. During dinner, we were trying to pronounce the Thai dish names, and one thing was called "gong dong." She asked me to say it, I did, then she said, "stop talking about your dong." I laughed at one of her jokes, and she asked if she won any points because of it. Early on during the date, it seemed date-y, but as it went on, it seemed more relaxed, but I didn't feel friendzoned. I mentioned her thesis, and she said "OH I FORGOT! I have that meeting!" So we had to rush out of there. We did the whole "who's going to pay" dance. I, of course, won out. I told her she's got the next one. The negatives? We didn't have any physical contact, at all. Not even a little. There just wasn't any appropriate time, it seemed to me. Also, I asked her to bring white wine, I assumed she didn't because she had a thesis meeting with her professors. When I dropped her off, she sort of ran out of the car, "THANKS FOR DINNER, BYE!" Usually when I go on a date and it didn't go well, I usually feel awful about it afterwards. With this date, I actually felt REALLY good. VERY optimistic. Usually, I send the "I had a wonderful time" text after a date, but I felt like that was unnecessary because it was obvious. There's a local beer & bourbon tasting taking place next Thursday. I figured that I would message her on Sunday with the link and just say, "wanna be my date?" Are things looking good? Did she friendzone me? People on other forums (and also my best friends) are telling me that this is the first time that she is actually taking me seriously. I felt as if I was sharing meal with a close friend I haven't seen in ages. It was just incredibly light and easy. I'm just afraid that that may translate into "just friends." This was a reschedule for a "bigger" date that we were supposed to have. We were supposed to go to a wolf sanctuary on Thursday, but she hasn't seen in her dad in a LONG time, and he's coming on Thursday, so we rescheduled the wolf sanctuary for a month later. This may actually work out well b/c I feel like all these "little" dates are like buildup and anticipation to this "big" date where we may have mind-blowing sex afterwards. Kissing her didn't feel right the first date. I hope an opportunity comes up on the second date provided that, of course, she accepts my invitation. Also, how do I make it so she is POSITIVE that next date is an actual formal, romantic date? A SMALL part of me thinks that I just call "hangouts" with her "dates," but the way she was talking it seemed to me like she understood it was a date....but then again, there were moments when I had my doubts (for example: "I think it's good to splurge once in a while and go out to dinner at a more expensive place. It reminds us that we're human.") -- I read that as "I'm splurging, I'm not paying attention to the fact that this is a date." But could she be THAT blind that I wanted to pay for it b/c I saw it as a date? If she didn't see it as a date, would she have given me the "lets just be friends" talk? Thoughts?
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I think you don't know how to sexualize a situation. The whole gong dong thing she brought up. You should have been like be a lady and stop bringing up my dong in a restaurant sicko!! What would your mother say about that you perv?!!? Starts a whole sexual conversation which lets her know your not just a friend. But in kind of a funny way. The fact your even questioning if it was a date lets me know it wasn't. There was nothing in that story that tells me you let her know at all you want to be sexual with her. And it seems like she tried to dip twice then put a short time limit on your "date". Which I kinda suspect was a free meal for her. Could be wrong though. You set a big date and long lost dad comes to town? She has a thesis meeting? Shes not feeling good and needs to sleep? Sounds like a girl giving you the brush off and your not taking the hints. You could ask her out again. My opening line when I picked her up would be, "I tell this to all my second dates, but just to be clear I will not sleep with you after this date... so don't think I'm that easy... if your lucky we can kiss a few hours but then your going to have to go home". I don't know my advice might be 100% wrong. I'm sure some of the women on this board will rip me a new one on this post. LOL
Author lakerman34 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I think you don't know how to sexualize a situation. The whole gong dong thing she brought up. You should have been like be a lady and stop bringing up my dong in a restaurant sicko!! What would your mother say about that you perv?!!? Starts a whole sexual conversation which lets her know your not just a friend. But in kind of a funny way. The fact your even questioning if it was a date lets me know it wasn't. There was nothing in that story that tells me you let her know at all you want to be sexual with her. And it seems like she tried to dip twice then put a short time limit on your "date". Which I kinda suspect was a free meal for her. Could be wrong though. You set a big date and long lost dad comes to town? She has a thesis meeting? Shes not feeling good and needs to sleep? Sounds like a girl giving you the brush off and your not taking the hints. You could ask her out again. My opening line when I picked her up would be, "I tell this to all my second dates, but just to be clear I will not sleep with you after this date... so don't think I'm that easy... if your lucky we can kiss a few hours but then your going to have to go home". I don't know my advice might be 100% wrong. I'm sure some of the women on this board will rip me a new one on this post. LOL I mean, she is well aware I want her sexually. I've told her in the past exactly that. "When I see you, I want to sleep with you." I think the date could have gone better, but I think it was good enough to get a second date. And I think involving a little bit of booz on the second date can only help my situation.
PegNosePete Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I mean, she is well aware I want her sexually. I've told her in the past exactly that. "When I see you, I want to sleep with you." Seriously? That's a really bad idea. Does James Bond tell women that he wants to sleep with them? No, he just does it. What did she say in response? I agree with LEE, sounds like she was repeatedly giving you the delayed brush-off, but still wanted free dinner. You won the bill dance? Sounds like you LOST to me! Sure ask her again but I bet you a can of chicken soup she'll be "too busy", or will agree to it then cancel again.
clia Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I truly can't believe you are still wasting time on this girl. Is she the only girl in your entire city who is single or something? What you described does not sound like a "date" to me. I called it a "date" often. It was supposed to be dinner and a movie. Morning of (yesterday morning), I messaged her to remind her. She asked if she could bail on the movie because she wasn't feeling well and wanted to go to bed early. Fine, whatever. I could almost buy this if she was truly sick (and she hadn't given you the runaround so much in the past), but.... I was 5 minutes away from picking her up, and she texts me. She has a thesis meeting, and needs to be there at 8:30. That would only allow for a 90 minute date. Ugh. Not looking good. I thought she wasn't feeling well and had to get to bed early? So why did she schedule a thesis meeting that she apparently had no idea about until you were five minutes away from picking her up? She didn't know about it in the morning when she cancelled your movie plans? Are you really buying this? This is a trail of excuses that seems to be an effort to get you to just cancel the date. Early on during the date, it seemed date-y, but as it went on, it seemed more relaxed, but I didn't feel friendzoned. I mentioned her thesis, and she said "OH I FORGOT! I have that meeting!" So we had to rush out of there. I seriously doubt there was any meeting. That's why she forgot. Oh, yeah...and wasn't she sick? Honestly, nothing that you described about your date sounds like anything more than friends. We didn't have any physical contact, at all. Not even a little. There just wasn't any appropriate time, it seemed to me. Please. There are ample opportunities to quickly touch a hand, arm or a thigh when you are sitting in a car together or across from each other at a restaurant. You also are not strangers on a first date. Also, I asked her to bring white wine, I assumed she didn't because she had a thesis meeting with her professors. You asked her to bring wine, she didn't bring it, and didn't offer any explanation. This is not a good sign. When I dropped her off, she sort of ran out of the car, "THANKS FOR DINNER, BYE!" This is what girls do when they don't want to get roped into a kiss. Are things looking good? Did she friendzone me? I think you've been friendzoned for the past year. If she was into you, she wouldn't be scheduling dates with you on nights that she has other commitments, changing plans at the last minute, running out of the car as fast as her legs can carry her, etc. I can't remember all the details of your previous interactions with her, but I think I recall her actually telling you she didn't want a relationship with you at one point, didn't she? This was a reschedule for a "bigger" date that we were supposed to have. We were supposed to go to a wolf sanctuary on Thursday, but she hasn't seen in her dad in a LONG time, and he's coming on Thursday, so we rescheduled the wolf sanctuary for a month later. Again...why does she keep scheduling dates with you on days when she knows she is going to have to cancel? It makes no sense. This may actually work out well b/c I feel like all these "little" dates are like buildup and anticipation to this "big" date where we may have mind-blowing sex afterwards. Keep dreaming... Kissing her didn't feel right the first date. This wasn't your first "date" with her though. You have a full history with her. But could she be THAT blind that I wanted to pay for it b/c I saw it as a date? If she didn't see it as a date, would she have given me the "lets just be friends" talk? Hasn't she already given you that talk in the past, though? She could be acting willfully blind. She knows you think it's a date, but she doesn't, so she is simply avoiding dealing with the issue. 1
Author lakerman34 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 All these points are fair, but a LOT has happened since. Quite a lot. I tried to stay away from covering a lot of it b/c I didn't want a super long thread that no one would read. To make a LONG story short, after the "friend-zone," I told her that we shouldn't talk to each other ever again b/c although I did recognize her as a friend, I couldn't ever hang out with her unless it was in the context of a date because, frankly, I wanted to have sex with her. She appreciated the candor. For about a month, we didn't talk. Then she drunk messaged me one night that she hated school and people and such. I answered something along the lines of, "that sucks, I'm sorry." Very short with her. Then, as time went on, we got closer, but we'd talk sparingly. I NEVER, EVER initiated conversations. Then, she went to Costa Rica for a month and was talking to me quite often. She would say things like, "I think you'd love it here" and "people here remind me of you." I asked her on a date when she was in Costa Rica, and never brought it up again except for a few days before (so, honestly, I can see why she may have forgotten). Her dad picked her up from the airport and drove her directly to school, so I understand why he wants to see her. As for the "day of the date" thing, I, too, thought this was reason for concern. Her cutting out the movie was OK, perhaps better, because movies are AWFUL for first dates. The 8:30 thing I believe, we go to an ivy league school so schedules are tight. I understood her not bringing wine b/c she had to meet with professors. She ran out of the car because the meeting was starting in 3 minutes, and she had to run to the top story of her dorm to get her things and then walk to the building for her appointment. So, honestly, I'd be surprised if she said 'no' to a second date, but I DO agree that I could have been more "date-y." I think I'm going to reference the fact that we are going to a bourbon tasting and "last time we drank bourbon together, we were naked on top of each other." I plan on breaking the touch barrier early on. Perhaps get out of the car and hug her, and then make an excuse as to why I got out of the car so it doesn't seem to unnatural. BUT replaying the date in my mind, I do think I was walking that thin line of "date" and "friend." I want to be able to play both fields simultaneously. This girl dates guys that are friends that turn to lovers -- history shows.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I haven't read every word of the thread, but you seem very super into this girl. So man, just go for it and KISS HER. You'll find out real quick if she's into you in that way or not. Quit waiting for the perfect moment and analyzing it to death and just make a move on the girl. You'll get a clear YES or NO.
Author lakerman34 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I haven't read every word of the thread, but you seem very super into this girl. So man, just go for it and KISS HER. You'll find out real quick if she's into you in that way or not. Quit waiting for the perfect moment and analyzing it to death and just make a move on the girl. You'll get a clear YES or NO. It's as easy as that, huh? There is this 45 year old woman that sort of has been giving me advice, and she tells me she has a weird feeling that this girl is in love with me, she just doesn't know how to handle it. I'm gonna go in for the kill on Thursday (if she accepts me 2nd date). I don't think the actual idea of 2nd date would be a problem for her, I think the worst that will happen is she has other commitments on Thursday (ivy league senior -- I lived that life. It's rather hectic).
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