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Why do men retreat when they develop feelings for a woman?


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Posted

And what should you do, give him space? I feel a bit confused. I have known this guy for months, and we went on a date maybe 3 weeks ago. Started spending a lot of time together. So this past weekend, we spent the entire weekend together. We were like a real couple and did couple things. And he was being really affectionate and I could tell he was having feelings for me. Actually over the past week, but intensified this weekend.

 

 

Anyways, we were trying to make plans this week as we always do. Well Tuesday he was busy and so we attempted today. Well the weather was horrible so he cancelled today. I know its unforeseen circumstances but we have met on a snowstorm before so it wouldn't be the first.

 

 

I don't know if I should give him space, or just move on? I don't really want to because over the weekend we talked about the connection between us and even he said that we looked good together, etc.

 

 

So why do guys do this? I don't mind giving him space if it isn't a waste of time.

Posted

Impossible to read his mind but I do note with male friends that sometimes, when marked emotional moments are thrust upon guys who generally emote in a decidedly stoic manner, they go 'crazy' for a bit, then retreat and gather themselves together.

 

Saying words is quite different from actually experiencing emotions. Watch any good actor for examples.

 

His relationship/familial history might lend some clues but again it's really impossible to know with any certainty 'why'.

 

Presuming you're not exclusive/sexually involved, I'd give him 'space' and ask a few open-ended questions relevant to this topic if/when you see him again. In the meantime, big world and lots of men out there. If you are exclusive and have been sexually active, then have a direct conversation, without time for 'space', prior to entertaining potentials with other men. In the latter case, the relationship issue is worth addressing immediately.

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Posted

Maybe he just doesn't want a relationship

Posted

Thread title doesn't really match your situation, but whatever.

 

Anyways, we were trying to make plans this week as we always do. Well Tuesday he was busy and so we attempted today. Well the weather was horrible so he cancelled today. I know its unforeseen circumstances but we have met on a snowstorm before so it wouldn't be the first.

 

You're stating you always make plans weekly, Tuesday he was busy and today (two days later) weather intervened. Yep, sounds like:"a man retreating from a woman he's developing feelings for".

 

In all seriousness, if there are no other details your omitting then I'd strongly suggest you're overreacting. All signs point to him liking you, so just check in with him again. People are busy (more so than not) and weather happens.

 

So why do guys do this?

 

Very open ended question as it varies from person to person. I don't think it applies to your situation unless he actively stops seeing you. A week, and certainly a few days is not enough to access this.

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Posted
Thread title doesn't really match your situation, but whatever.

 

 

 

You're stating you always make plans weekly, Tuesday he was busy and today (two days later) weather intervened. Yep, sounds like:"a man retreating from a woman he's developing feelings for".

 

In all seriousness, if there are no other details your omitting then I'd strongly suggest you're overreacting. All signs point to him liking you, so just check in with him again. People are busy (more so than not) and weather happens.

 

 

 

Very open ended question as it varies from person to person. I don't think it applies to your situation unless he actively stops seeing you. A week, and certainly a few days is not enough to access this.

Let me clarify, the reason I thought he was backing off is because he has been kind of quiet oh the last 2 days. I know how he is, and how he talks so this is not like him. That's why I felt maybe I was bombarding him too much with my texts or perhaps showed too much emotions.

Posted

It's definitely possible, but two days is a hard indicator. You're your own best judge.

I'm merely suggesting not to begin obsessing over it, which can be hard, but in the end is usual best.

Posted

Not a guy BUT have noticed it too. I agree that 2 days is not much time to worry. However, I'm also pretty sure that you are picking up on something that's really happening too. I think guys just do it when they get scared because they realize they have gotten close. I think the trick is not to over-react. From the description of your particular situation, it sounds like it is going well so definitely let him have the space. I look at that the same as getting to know someone. I know it can be hard because pulling back when they start to be emotionally invested mimics a fade-out and there's no way to tell which is which without badgering the guy for an answer. Bottom-line it won't change his feelings with a need to know from your end. Unless he is mistreating you, I would be cool and your great self, no need to discuss. If he pulls back a bit, so should you. Let him miss you a bit by giving him the space. Typically that's how guys process things. Good luck!

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Posted
Not a guy BUT have noticed it too. I agree that 2 days is not much time to worry. However, I'm also pretty sure that you are picking up on something that's really happening too. I think guys just do it when they get scared because they realize they have gotten close. I think the trick is not to over-react. From the description of your particular situation, it sounds like it is going well so definitely let him have the space. I look at that the same as getting to know someone. I know it can be hard because pulling back when they start to be emotionally invested mimics a fade-out and there's no way to tell which is which without badgering the guy for an answer. Bottom-line it won't change his feelings with a need to know from your end. Unless he is mistreating you, I would be cool and your great self, no need to discuss. If he pulls back a bit, so should you. Let him miss you a bit by giving him the space. Typically that's how guys process things. Good luck!
Thank you. I do tend to over react and over analyze things so I am glad I kept my mouth shut. I had a discussion with him because I thought perhaps he was trying to blow me off. But apparently that wasn't the case. If a guy isn't interested then I don't waste my time and I like to be straight with eachother.

 

 

Maybe it is more than what it seems. I suppose it could have been purely coincidence since his business has been slow for the past 2 weeks and I felt kind of spoiled. I am speculating whether not to contact him at all and completely back off or just give him a few days and see if his behavior changes.

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Posted
Give him a few days.

Meaning I should reach out to him or let him reach out to me?

Posted

Sometimes a person is feeling distant for many different things, not just about love.

Posted

I have retreated after falling for someone for fear of future heartbreak.

Posted
And what should you do, give him space? I feel a bit confused. I have known this guy for months, and we went on a date maybe 3 weeks ago. Started spending a lot of time together. So this past weekend, we spent the entire weekend together. We were like a real couple and did couple things. And he was being really affectionate and I could tell he was having feelings for me. Actually over the past week, but intensified this weekend.

 

Anyways, we were trying to make plans this week as we always do. Well Tuesday he was busy and so we attempted today. Well the weather was horrible so he cancelled today. I know its unforeseen circumstances but we have met on a snowstorm before so it wouldn't be the first.

 

I don't know if I should give him space, or just move on? I don't really want to because over the weekend we talked about the connection between us and even he said that we looked good together, etc.

 

So why do guys do this? I don't mind giving him space if it isn't a waste of time.

 

Only based on your post, I don't see a real problem. When he cancelled did he text, call, speak to you? How was it done? Was it abrupt w/o explanation the first time or was it just "I'm too busy"?

 

Are you in regular communication otherwise?

 

To answer your question, guys who are really into you won't back off. Guys who are not and still "figuring" things out and wanting to play the field, are the ones who start to back off.

Posted

I think you're looking for patterns when its too early and there are none. That's really all that I can gather based on your post.

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