Under The Radar Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 A few weeks ago I saw a post giving advice that basically said, "The goal in life should be contentment, not happiness. Happiness is a temporary emotion, much like anger and sadness. It can be fleeting; like other emotions it comes and goes". It got me thinking about my own life and philosophy on happiness. I know in my life right now I am often times much happier than unhappy. Like everyone I have good days and bad ones, but on a whole I'm doing really well. I have my health, great friends, a wonderful home, an established business that I'm passionate about, and freedom to do what I want when I want. The only thing I don't have is a significant other, but that is not the barometer for my well being. Would a loving girlfriend be a great addition to my life? Absolutely, but again, I don't define my success and happiness by that. I think, if it was a healthy relationship, it would progress my life to the next level. Yet, being single doesn't make me UNHAPPY. My thoughts are that happiness springs from a strong platform of contentment. Happiness could be eating an ice cream cone you enjoy, seeing the smile on your children's faces, finishing a great work out, or hanging out with some friends. I can get immense enjoyment out of reading a compelling book, watching an exciting movie, or going for a walk myself. Having experienced considerable unhappiness in my last relationship, and the subsequent healing process, I am so thankful for contentment. Consequently, being content has lead to many more days of laughter and joy than searching for homeostatic levels of happiness. I see the many threads about "being alone on Valentine's Day" or "I wish I had a girlfriend" and I realize just how lucky I am to be content. As a result, I am the furthest thing from being unhappy. Does anyone else have similar thoughts or experiences? 2
AnyaNova Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Well, my philosophy on this is rather akin to C.S. Lewis and his "Surprised by Joy." Happiness is surface. Happiness is okay. And people who strive for happiness at any given moment over and above meaning, tend to be less happy in the long run (because they tend to choose short term pleasures that don't provide long term fulfillment). Joy, however, is an entirely different beast. It can be ephemeral. The moment you notice it, it slips away from you, but it is something that one can strive for, that rewards pursuits that bring long term fulfillment, AND most importantly, not only can it tolerate and encompass sadness and be experienced even when one is experiencing sadness, it usually has a tinge of it, because one knows when one is experiencing it that it will not last. But ultimately, I find joy to be much more robust, better cultivated by pursuits that bring long-term fulfillment, and something that is actually achievable even with pain and difficulty in one's life!
what_a_blonde Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) Great post, that's a wonderful outlook to have. I would definitely say that despite the heartbreaks and situations I've been in, I've never been the type to be upset that I am single or alone on Valentines Day. I know a lot of friends like that who get caught up in that stuff, and I just don't get it. I have a friend, who every year since she's turned 27 (she is now almost 30), has cried on her birthday because she is so old and still single. Quite often she also talks about how she "wishes should could be married and have a family like so and so". I just don't know how people can do that. Personally, I've always just felt so fortunate that I have the life and things that I do... health, family, friends, etc.... that I really have no time or need to focus on the things I don't have. Things could be ALOT worse than not having a valentine on Valentine's Day. Sure, I would LOVE to find that lifelong partner (who wouldn't?). But until that day comes, I'm going to continue being thankful for what I have and make the most of every day and situation I'm presented with! Edited February 14, 2014 by what_a_blonde 1
Author Under The Radar Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Well, my philosophy on this is rather akin to C.S. Lewis and his "Surprised by Joy." Happiness is surface. Happiness is okay. And people who strive for happiness at any given moment over and above meaning, tend to be less happy in the long run (because they tend to choose short term pleasures that don't provide long term fulfillment). Joy, however, is an entirely different beast. It can be ephemeral. The moment you notice it, it slips away from you, but it is something that one can strive for, that rewards pursuits that bring long term fulfillment, AND most importantly, not only can it tolerate and encompass sadness and be experienced even when one is experiencing sadness, it usually has a tinge of it, because one knows when one is experiencing it that it will not last. But ultimately, I find joy to be much more robust, better cultivated by pursuits that bring long-term fulfillment, and something that is actually achievable even with pain and difficulty in one's life! Thank you for this . I especially appreciate your take on Joy. Your description about Joy becoming achievable even through pain and difficulty resonates with me ...... I have experienced that first hand during my life. 1
Author Under The Radar Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Great post, that's a wonderful outlook to have. I would definitely say that despite the heartbreaks and situations I've been in, I've never been the type to be upset that I am single or alone on Valentines Day. I know a lot of friends like that who get caught up in that stuff, and I just don't get it. I have a friend, who every year since she's turned 27 (she is now almost 30), has cried on her birthday because she is so old and still single. Quite often she also talks about how she "wishes should could be married and have a family like so and so". I just don't know how people can do that. Personally, I've always just felt so fortunate that I have the life and things that I do... health, family, friends, etc.... that I really have no time or need to focus on the things I don't have. Things could be ALOT worse than not having a valentine on Valentine's Day. Sure, I would LOVE to find that lifelong partner (who wouldn't?). But until that day comes, I'm going to continue being thankful for what I have and make the most of every day and situation I'm presented with! Thanks for your positive attitude and supportive post. I couldn't agree more that if people spent more time valuing what they have, versus what they don't have, unhappiness would be much easier to avert. 1
dichotomy Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria! Calvin 1
Poppyolive Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 These posts are a breath of fresh air. Made me smile and know I am well. A pleasure to read right before bed.
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