Jo35 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic for 8 years. The last 5 years together we didn't have sex at all. The more he drank, the more his sex drive dwindled and every time I would initiate anything I would be rejected. No kissing, no flirting, no intimacy of any kind at all. If I complained he would twist stuff and manipulate me into feeling it was wrong to want sex, till I just stopped trying or even wanting him. Of course I thought it was me, I wasn't attractive enough etc. I dumped him 3 years ago. Fast forward to present day. I'm with the most wonderful man, caring, kind, affectionate, loyal, attentive and his sex drive is just fine! It's me that's the problem. I can't initiate sex, ever, even when I want it. He kinda understands, says it's not a problem etc. But it's driving me crazy. It's in my head and I talk myself out of it...kinda like a little battle going on, but I can never bring myself to start anything or say anything. I don't know if it's lack of confidence, fear of rejection or I'm just that conditioned into not initiating it following the bad relationship...I dunno. I KNOW he loves me to absolute bits, I've never felt so secure with someone but so insecure at the same time. I just feel awkward with the whole issue. It's not like this is a new relationship, we've been together 2 years. At first I wasn't as bad as I am now, but it's kinda like as I fell in love with him my insecurities came back, I didn't really fear anything at the beginning because I didn't care about him as much...does that make sense? I tell myself "just do it" all the time, but I just can't let go enough to actually do it, even though I know he won't reject me. I feel a bit messed up by the previous "relationship", before I was with the abusive guy I was very outgoing, very flirty, and very vocal about what I wanted, no inhibitions etc. Now I feel like I'm some prude. I'm fine when he initiates stuff, not actually prudish in the act, so to speak. I guess I just don't feel like he should want me. I dunno...I don't want my BF to feel unwanted or anything...it shouldn't all be down to him. How do I get the confidence back?
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 You got rejected by someone you love for 5 years. Now your afraid the same thing will happen even though you know the situation is different. Just attack him the next time you get the urge! Once you see how well it works out the problem will be gone. Or just use your woman cues to spur him into action. Rub his thigh or stomach while cuddling, always works on me. Add in a sexy little kiss on his neck and he will know what you want. I'm assuming he knows about your past relationship and those issues. So the chance of him rejecting you even if hes not in the mood is very low.
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