Soundstick Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I put this in the dating section because it is my ex that we are trying again, but, we're dating and starting fresh. So my ex broke up with me about 7 months ago (together for a little over 2 years). She was the one to end it and she made it very clear she's willing to do what it takes for us. I recently started seeing her and starting fresh. We're taking everything slow to make sure things don't fall into the same habits. Background: She ended it with me. I went strict NC. She came back unannounced. Broke up from communication issues and we stated very fast the first time around. She lives a few hours away. So I've seen her a few times over the past 3 weeks for dates. Texting and a few Skype/facetime video "dates" to talk. My question comes into play regarding how often to text/contact. I feel like if she was the one to want to "win" back my heart, she should be the one putting in the effort towards getting i contact. I feel like its me who asks to skype. Ex: We skyped Monday, had panned on skyping tuesday (but she forgot her friend was coming over), so we talked about doing it Yesterday(Wednesday). I called her asking her when she wanted to skype and due to the snow and having a 3 hour delay today from work, she went over to some co-workers for a game night/drinking. She said she wasn't sure what time she was going to get home. We exchanged a few texts/snap chats during her game night - but kept them about 45 mins apart. I didn't want to seem like the nagging guy while she was with friends. Around 12am I told her that I'm headed to bed around 1 and we'll just do it tomorrow(ie today). So around noon today I sent a text asking how her day went. I got a fairly quick reply and we sent a text or two more. I guess what bugs me is I haven't heard back after my last text... "I'm working from home today and considering doing the same on Monday". She asked me if I would be willing to do this a few days ago so that she could see me on Monday when she is in town. Again, I feel like if she was the one that was so interested in getting back with me she would be the one trying to get every opportunity to see me or text me. Or at least reply saying how excited she would be to see me Monday if I did...idk, something. You guys can tell me I'm just being paranoid and anxious. I know we aren't "together" and perhaps I'm just being overbearing. I don't mean to be. It just has me bugged that I feel I'm working more at this then she is...which is exactly how it was in the last relationship. But then again, maybe I'm just seeming needy. I will say that I do not "overtext" or come off as clingy. I'm trying to keep it casual. So maybe thats why - she's doing the same. Don't get me wrong, she has made changes and she has shown very positive aspects of what she has done to work on herself to make things better. I'll wait for her to contact me for the rest of the day because I was the last person to text her. Thanks for listening. This was more of a vent/rant for me to get kind of get my thoughts out - but any input is appreciated.
Author Soundstick Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 I just sort of looked at this from a 3rd person perspective. If this were someone else I would say something like "relax bro, she's at work then working out. If by 8pm you don't hear back, worry about it then."
tlegend Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 It just has me bugged that I feel I'm working more at this then she is...which is exactly how it was in the last relationship. I would suggest re-reading this part of your own post, then objectively thinking about it for a while. Give it real hard thought. There's a reason it didn't work out before. If it works out this time, great! But, in order to succeed a second time around, the issues from the original relationship MUST be solved! 1
Author Soundstick Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 I would suggest re-reading this part of your own post, then objectively thinking about it for a while. Give it real hard thought. There's a reason it didn't work out before. If it works out this time, great! But, in order to succeed a second time around, the issues from the original relationship MUST be solved! I hear ya man. Thats why we're taking it slow. So I can assess how things are, weather they are the same, or different, what changes she's made and if its going to fall back into the same habits. So far, I will admit, everything is good. She has definitley A good friend of mine things I'm just over thinking it all. I took hours to get in touch with her yesterday, she's doing the same. He said she probably doesn't want to come off too strong and chase you away. I have a tendency to overthink things. I was working from home today so there wasnt much to keep me busy, which allowed my mind to wander. I'll let the rest of the day play out.
georgecostanza Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Different people have different communication needs. I prefer to text / call as little as possible. It's no real reflection on my partner - it's just that I like my own company & space / I'm busy / texting annoys me. The best case scenario for you would be this one, that you just don't match on a communication needs level. Maybe you could find more things to do to keep you busy and stop you from hanging on waiting for a text? There is another option... that she might not be as into the relationship as you are. Obviously that's one that sucks to think about. Did she used to text a lot more when you were first together? I wouldn't worry about that just yet, just see how things develop.
Author Soundstick Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Different people have different communication needs. I prefer to text / call as little as possible. It's no real reflection on my partner - it's just that I like my own company & space / I'm busy / texting annoys me. The best case scenario for you would be this one, that you just don't match on a communication needs level. Maybe you could find more things to do to keep you busy and stop you from hanging on waiting for a text? There is another option... that she might not be as into the relationship as you are. Obviously that's one that sucks to think about. Did she used to text a lot more when you were first together? I wouldn't worry about that just yet, just see how things develop. I started LOLing when I saw your username and avatar. Nice one lol I guess it was about the same when we were together. We were in college when we were dating, now were both out and have full time jobs. So, I'm most likely getting ahead of myself here. Works been slow for me. She brought up the idea about moving closer to me for work less than a week ago. So I'm sure its just my slow day that is making me over think it all. We both go through phases of getting into a big texting conversation throughout the day or a few texts here or there (when we were together), while other days its sort of slow, like today. I guess I'm just trying to communicate more and more personally (skype vs text) so we don't just get bored doing the same **** over and over.
Author Soundstick Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) So still nothing. So yeah, I'm pissed. My buddy was saying (and I completely agree), if I call her, she's going to know she's got me on the hook, therefore, its all the "power" is back in her hands. Not the other way around (because she came back to me wanting to reconcile after she broke up with me). Another BS mind game. ---Edit---- She called. I missed it and then called her back 15 mins later. Shot the **** for 10-15 minutes. Kept it casual. I knew I was going to overthink it. Edited February 14, 2014 by Soundstick 1
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