iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I came across an article this morning that equates talking to women on the phone to "juggling nitro." It refers specifically to the courting/"wooing" process and states that, "The telephone is a technological device that is, in the context of wooing women, only to be used to set up your next date. You should only spend five minutes max on that sucker and then get the hell off the line. Yes guys, beware. Talking on the phone is dangerous. It's like juggling with nitro. One slip and the next thing you know, things are blowing up in your face." It goes on to say that men should "Never have an extended chat-fest on the phone with a woman you are courting." The idea is that the less she knows about you, the more she'll want you. It creates an air of mystery and firmly establishes the purpose of phone contact to ONLY set up a date, or to briefly follow-up on a date you had a night or two earlier. This article (credited below) echoes a lot of the same sentiments on here. Do you all generally agree with the points made above? It has certainly made me think twice about how often I'm calling this girl I like and what exactly my purpose is for talking with her. I am going to immediately eliminate those "extended chat-fests" which are apparently so dangerous. * The above is taken from an AskMen.com article written by "Doc Love" *
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles It goes on to say that men should "Never have an extended chat-fest on the phone with a woman you are courting." The idea is that the less she knows about you, the more she'll want you. It creates an air of mystery and firmly establishes the purpose of phone contact to ONLY set up a date, or to briefly follow-up on a date you had a night or two earlier. Two other reasons not to: 1) Longer you talk on the phone more chance you'll screw up and say something wrong 2) Women talk with their girlfriends on phone for long periods of time, you don't want to become another girlfriend.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Crap. Its like this: Sometimes I like a man more the less I know about him. Thats only because he's an assclown and I don't know it yet. If I have a connection with a man, those long telephone convos will just reinforce that connection. Bottom line is, we are who we are. You can delay actually getting to know each other by avoiding lengthy conversation. If you want a real relationship, you have to get to know each other anyway.
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Two other reasons not to: 1) Longer you talk on the phone more chance you'll screw up and say something wrong 2) Women talk with their girlfriends on phone for long periods of time, you don't want to become another girlfriend. 1) Yeah, I've had that happen. 2) Man, that sucks when that happens. I'm not going to volunteer to be the victim anymore. I no longer will be playing the role of butler, therapist and "Mr. Shoulder to Cry On" in my relationships with women. It's funny how so much of this advice from experts goes against our initial thinking, at least for the inexperienced. I guess you really have to screw up a lot before you start to handle things correctly.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles It's funny how so much of this advice from experts goes against our initial thinking, at least for the inexperienced. I guess you really have to screw up a lot before you start to handle things correctly. Been there done that...as one gets older he/she starts to come to the realization that many things in life are not the way they should be or are opposite of what logic would dictate. Hence...a guy can get more chicks by not being so nice. Logic would dictate that nice=girls but in reality it does not.
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Hence...a guy can get more chicks by not being so nice. Logic would dictate that nice=girls but in reality it does not. One of my exes said that I was actually too nice and too romantic. At the time I was like, "WTF does that mean???"
savethedrama4allama Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Hence...a guy can get more chicks by not being so nice. Logic would dictate that nice=girls but in reality it does not. Whats the deal with "more" chicks? How about one good woman who isn't in to all these bull**** games? Good Lord.
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama How about one good woman who isn't in to all these bull**** games? If I find some, I'll let you know.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Right here! Right here! For christ's sake. Let me ask you a question, if you crashed my car, would you offer to give me rides and pay for half the damages? (See my most recent thread.) That is the kind of crap that matters- what kind of person you are when the sh*t hits the fan. How seriously you take your responsibilities and how much you care for your GF. Not silly phone games.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Whats the deal with "more" chicks? How about one good woman who isn't in to all these bull**** games? Good Lord. one of my fave hobbies STD4YM is avoiding commitment. you know, stay single, fool around, love women, variety, etc.... my philosophy is that "one good woman does not a man make..." or said in other words "why buy the cow when one can get the milk for free" everyone please proceed with the flame-fest on alpha.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Obviously alpha, reading your other thread you started today, you do value relationships on some level. But you know- as long as you're honest with women about what you are like, then they can choose if they're down for that. Hence, the value of lengthy conversations on the phone. Obviously there is no static wrong or right in relationships. You just have to find out if you're both seeking the same thing. Which is why I hate when people suggest playing games- waiting to call, keeping convos cut short, etc. Just show me who you are, I'll show you who I am, and we will decide from there.
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Which is why I hate when people suggest playing games- waiting to call, keeping convos cut short, etc. Just show me who you are, I'll show you who I am, and we will decide from there. Now that's my kind of woman! Just have both people lay it all out there and see how it goes. I hate games, but I usually end up playing them as an unwilling participant. I do think the author of that article brings up a good point, though, because early on you really want to get to know someone better through dates rather than talking on the phone (which I think is great once you are officially going out).
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Obviously alpha, reading your other thread you started today, you do value relationships on some level. I do, quite a bit actually. But you know- as long as you're honest with women about what you are like, then they can choose if they're down for that. Hence, the value of lengthy conversations on the phone. Lengthy convos early on are not a good idea. Hey, once you've been dating for 3 or 6 months no problem. Glue the damn phone to your ear and talk all day and nite esp with the free nite and wknd minutes everyone gets now. Which is why I hate when people suggest playing games- waiting to call, keeping convos cut short, etc. Just show me who you are, I'll show you who I am, and we will decide from there. Everyone plays games to some extent, some more than others. If someone says to me I dont' play games I will see this as a major red flag.
CurlyIam Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale one of my fave hobbies STD4YM is avoiding commitment. you know, stay single, fool around, love women, variety, etc.... my philosophy is that "one good woman does not a man make..." or said in other words "why buy the cow when one can get the milk for free" If you get the milk for free, LOOL. I can confirm you that men in relationships get a whole lotta more laid than single guys. BTW, is one night stand sex all that fantastic? How about with a woman who knows your body and knows what you like ? You like the hunting, the thrill? Fine! You want the chasing game? Variety? Well, chasing more women in the same time will give you that. Want (lots of good) sex and no commitment? Well, you gotta be damn nice looking and have a damn lotta luck too to have that, IMO. Maybe the US are different than Europe, I don't know. Just my two cents, anyway!
CurlyIam Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 My bf was extremely enigmatic in the beginning. But just like your gf, he wouldn't want to meet me all that often (more like once every two, even three weeks). What kept my interest? At times he'd call and we'd have one long incredible conversation. He wouldn't call often, but I was absolutely adoring his phone calls. Now: it depends on your style. But since you also don't see her much, I think it's for your own good to make and keep the girl interested. If you have things to say and like talking to her. If it's just natural, it has to be good. If you're only trying to keep her on the phone with you, she'll most probably give you the "nitro" version!
savethedrama4allama Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I do agree that in-person conversation is much better than on the phone.
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam My bf was extremely enigmatic in the beginning. But just like your gf, he wouldn't want to meet me all that often (more like once every two, even three weeks). What kept my interest? At times he'd call and we'd have one long incredible conversation. He wouldn't call often, but I was absolutely adoring his phone calls. Now: it depends on your style. But since you also don't see her much, I think it's for your own good to make and keep the girl interested. If you have things to say and like talking to her. If it's just natural, it has to be good. If you're only trying to keep her on the phone with you, she'll most probably give you the "nitro" version! That's just the thing - she's not my g/f, otherwise I would be calling more often. I have been encouraged to not call her that much, and when I do, I should only focus on getting together again. I certainly understand why they are saying that. She is usually really busy and doesn't have much time to talk, so it's very possible that me calling a lot wouldn't yield anything productive anyway. Plus, I am also curious to see if she tries to chase me more if I ease up on my pursuit. I feel like this is a cat and mouse game - something I always try to avoid but can't. I guess this is how it goes most times early on.
morrigan Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 What a stupid stereotype that all women like to gab on phones. I don't, the only time I talk to my boyfriend on the phone is if it's a change of plans or an emergency. Being alone with him and talking is far preferable. I know a few guys that could blab on the phone all day. If someone is nervous talking on the phone to a certain person, they should just be honest and say they are not stellar at the art of phone conversation. I'd be understanding of someone not being a big phone caller or emailer. It's the quality of the interaction, not the quantity.
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by morrigan What a stupid stereotype that all women like to gab on phones. I don't, the only time I talk to my boyfriend on the phone is if it's a change of plans or an emergency. Being alone with him and talking is far preferable. I know a few guys that could blab on the phone all day. If someone is nervous talking on the phone to a certain person, they should just be honest and say they are not stellar at the art of phone conversation. I'd be understanding of someone not being a big phone caller or emailer. It's the quality of the interaction, not the quantity. Funny you mention this, I was just about to add that this is also in the article: Q. "A woman who would be happy to have a guy call her if he asked for her number, will usually not call him. Why not? A1. "She, like most women, doesn't feel comfortable calling a guy. This even applies to a guy she likes (unless her Interest Level in him is over 90% -- and most of the time, it starts at a lower point than that). A2. A man's passive behavior will turn her off. As "liberated" as women have become in the 21st century, when the pedal hits the metal, they still expect men to be the ones who risk rejection. It makes them uncomfortable when a man expects them to be the risk takers -- at least in the beginning." I know lots of women who like to talk on the phone, but are not particularly fond of calling and talking to guys, even if they are dating them.
CurlyIam Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 We were only going out at the time. No sex. Just chasin' . We were not seeing other people though. Do just as you feel comfortable. I know I called him only after 2 months or so... because he was playing the same game . Go with your instinct.
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Go with your instinct. Yeah, because that's always SO clear in relationships. Lol.
CurlyIam Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I mean it. If you feel she'll apreciate a nice call, call her. If you feel she might like to take the lead, don't! I mean, I find it really nice when I guy calls me because he just wanted to to hear me. Especially if I feel his enthousiasm and not that he's just saying this line, expecting me to drop dead on my back of pleasure.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by morrigan What a stupid stereotype that all women like to gab on phones. I don't, In my experience I see women spend more time on the phone than men so i don't think it is a stereotype. it is reality. Is it a stereotype that most, but not all, women like shopping? Is it a stereotype that many, but not all, men enjoy watching football?
CurlyIam Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 In order for it to demonstrate that it is not a stereotype, therefor true, you'd need to make a market study. And, boy, let me tell you that you'd need a whole lotta women in order to have a representative sample on which to test your theory! That is, if indeed you want to demonstrate that this is not a stereotype! I hate shopping. My mom drags me up there!!! Sometimes I enjoy watching football and my best friend used to be crazy about soccer!
Author iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam I mean it. If you feel she'll appreciate a nice call, call her. If you feel she might like to take the lead, don't! I mean, I find it really nice when I guy calls me because he just wanted to to hear me. Especially if I feel his enthusiasm and not that he's just saying this line, expecting me to drop dead on my back of pleasure. I just don't want to become a pain in the a__. I often think of giving her a call to ask how her day is going, see how she is feeling, etc., but the thing is, I'm not dating her. I have certainly done that on occasion, but those kind of thoughtful "check-in" calls are usually reserved for when you are going out, are they not?
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