antonio1149 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Most didnt read the profile at all per how many views it got. And the just looking for friends thing was at the bottom. It would be pretty stupid to message someone who isnt into.FWB for sex but hey life is full of stupid people. You said in an earlier post that you're not on OLD to meet anyone, just to "see what's out there." As a side note, you might want to put this information at the top instead of the bottom. I'd be annoyed if I invested time reading a profile, found it to be appealing, got excited about responding, and then found our at the very end "oh by the way, I'm not really open to meeting you, I'm just doing this to entertain myself." Seems like false advertising, no?
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 You said in an earlier post that you're not on OLD to meet anyone, just to "see what's out there." As a side note, you might want to put this information at the top instead of the bottom. I'd be annoyed if I invested time reading a profile, found it to be appealing, got excited about responding, and then found our at the very end "oh by the way, I'm not really open to meeting you, I'm just doing this to entertain myself." Seems like false advertising, no? No, because my profile has always been under the search parameters for searching for friends. So if you search for women in your area and I come up, it clearly states on my profile my age height etc and searching for friends only. Then if you open my profile I say the,same thing myself. It's pretty clear as day.
antonio1149 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) No, because my profile has always been under the search parameters for searching for friends. So if you search for women in your area and I come up, it clearly states on my profile my age height etc and searching for friends only. Then if you open my profile I say the,same thing myself. It's pretty clear as day. If it clearly states on your profile, BEFORE someone has to read the whole thing to find out, that you're looking for friendship *and open to meeting people for that reason,* then that's fine. But when someone says "I'm just browsing," usually that means they're not interested in meeting anyone (for any reason). "Yeah I did. I didn't get on OLD to.find anyone right now. Just see whats out there. I've gotten 20 something messages by now and only 7 people have viewed my profile. I think many men saw my pics and decided to send a message without getting to kniw anything about me lol. "In ny profile it says I'm just browsing, nit looking to date, I dont do FWB. But all that haa been ignored lol. Getting those messages just reminded me of how my ex loved me for who I was, not how big my breasts are or how eaay on the eyes I am. So now I just miss him more than ever. Stupid of me to think OLD would be a fun dustraction." Edited February 13, 2014 by antonio1149
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 If it clearly states on your profile, BEFORE someone has to read the whole thing to find out, that you're looking for friendship *and open to meeting people for that reason,* then that's fine. But when someone says "I'm just browsing," usually that means they're not interested in meeting anyone. "Yeah I did. I didn't get on OLD to.find anyone right now. Just see whats out there. I've gotten 20 something messages by now and only 7 people have viewed my profile. I think many men saw my pics and decided to send a message without getting to kniw anything about me lol. "In ny profile it says I'm just browsing, nit looking to date, I dont do FWB. But all that haa been ignored lol. Getting those messages just reminded me of how my ex loved me for who I was, not how big my breasts are or how eaay on the eyes I am. So now I just miss him more than ever. Stupid of me to think OLD would be a fun dustraction." on all profiles you.get to choose why you're there. For friends, casual relationships LTR etc. I put friends. I put friends the last time I was on OLD too. I dont always post every detail as I'm on this site multi tasking doing laundry, housework etc. For instance right now I'm making pasta for dinner Anyway I'm just going to ignore your nit picky stuff from now on. Not interested in any of it.
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Anyway it seems all the decent men have started to come around. I've gotten about 8 messages total from men who seem to be what I'm looking for. None of them make my heart skip a beat, very much confirming what Keenly told me earlier on another thread. Until I completely let go of my feelings for my ex, no one will.measure,up in my eyes. I knew I wasn't fully healed, just dipping my toe in tge dating pool. I guess the water is toi cold, better stay out for a,while.
ascendotum Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Anyway it seems all the decent men have started to come around. I've gotten about 8 messages total from men who seem to be what I'm looking for. None of them make my heart skip a beat, very much confirming what Keenly told me earlier on another thread. Until I completely let go of my feelings for my ex, no one will.measure,up in my eyes. I'm not sure about OKC, but can you make your profile hidden, so that way you can log on and browse guys in your area to just see what is out there, but they can't see your profile so you don't waste decent type guy's time writing to you + it stops those pest type guys as well.
Tayken Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 You can see my shoulders and up, and it's clear I'm not overweight (kind of like in my avatar). If a guy doesn't want to message me because I don't show my body, that's fine. It hasn't been a problem for me. In fact, the quality of the messages and interactions has gone up considerably since I removed the body pics. This is just it, if you have nothing to hide, why not just post a full length picture then? Additionally, how would you fee if a guy just posted a passport photo as his only picture? As mentioned up thread....women have been known to use word play like "curvy", "average" etc. It is eventually going to come out anyway on the first date, and a guy or gal is not all of a sudden going to change how they feel about your weight if it's not their thing...better to be upfront Women do it a lot, and like others...I personally don't bother with head shots....it screams am hiding something and you can usually tell by the face
Tayken Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 No, because my profile has always been under the search parameters for searching for friends. So if you search for women in your area and I come up, it clearly states on my profile my age height etc and searching for friends only. Then if you open my profile I say the,same thing myself. It's pretty clear as day. You not wanting to put this disclaimer at the top, shows that you have a hidden agenda, and you relish the thoughts of guys messaging you and teh self esteem boost Say it isn't so
Ruby Slippers Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 This is just it, if you have nothing to hide, why not just post a full length picture then? I'm in very good shape and have a great body, but I don't need or want to reveal it on OLD. If a guy overlooks me for that, he's no loss to me. Like I said, the main reason I removed the body pics is because they attracted a lot of unwanted sexual attention, even though I posted pictures in normal clothes. I would be fine talking to a guy who only had a head shot, provided he was interesting to me. I don't talk to guys who are obviously showing off their body.
Tayken Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I'm in very good shape and have a great body, but I don't need or want to reveal it on OLD. If a guy overlooks me for that, he's no loss to me. Like I said, the main reason I removed the body pics is because they attracted a lot of unwanted sexual attention, even though I posted pictures in normal clothes. I would be fine talking to a guy who only had a head shot, provided he was interesting to me. I don't talk to guys who are obviously showing off their body. You must be an anomaly...I guess we will just take your word for it. I hear what you are saying though about people focusing on pics rather than the substance in your profile...i.e. what you are all about and have to offer. I am on OKC also, and my profile has to be one of the most detailed on there because I get complements from women saying this...."that is refreshing from the usual nonsense they see"
BradJacobs Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Why are you on a dating site if you have no interest in dating or hooking up? Can't find the attention elsewhere?
gaius Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 This is just it, if you have nothing to hide, why not just post a full length picture then? Additionally, how would you fee if a guy just posted a passport photo as his only picture? As mentioned up thread....women have been known to use word play like "curvy", "average" etc. It is eventually going to come out anyway on the first date, and a guy or gal is not all of a sudden going to change how they feel about your weight if it's not their thing...better to be upfront Women do it a lot, and like others...I personally don't bother with head shots....it screams am hiding something and you can usually tell by the face If you reserve your time and effort for women who's company you'd enjoy even if they don't turn out to be your exact physical type then it shouldn't be an issue. I've been here a long time and seen a lot of picture threads and you would be surprised how attractive some of the women here are who have never had an avatar of themselves. They don't have anything to hide, they're just not looking for the attention it brings. And the same holds true for online dating in a lot of cases.
Tayken Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Why are you on a dating site if you have no interest in dating or hooking up? Can't find the attention elsewhere? Ouch....it seems the be the quick and dirty obvious outlet for low self esteem attention seekers. Just getting those messages in the inbox, and telling themselves...."I am hot and sexy"
Ruby Slippers Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 If you reserve your time and effort for women who's company you'd enjoy even if they don't turn out to be your exact physical type then it shouldn't be an issue. I've been here a long time and seen a lot of picture threads and you would be surprised how attractive some of the women here are who have never had an avatar of themselves. They don't have anything to hide, they're just not looking for the attention it brings. And the same holds true for online dating in a lot of cases. Yes. Men tend to focus on a hot body for just sex, and a nice face for love/marriage. I'm looking for love, so this makes sense for me. 1
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 You not wanting to put this disclaimer at the top, shows that you have a hidden agenda, and you relish the thoughts of guys messaging you and teh self esteem boost Say it isn't so If people search for anything but just friends then I will not come up in their search. I don't need a self esteem boost, Im quite confident
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Ouch....it seems the be the quick and dirty obvious outlet for low self esteem attention seekers. Just getting those messages in the inbox, and telling themselves...."I am hot and sexy" I just got out of a,relationship I was dilping my toes in the dating pool. I realize I'm no Jessica Alba but most men.find me attractive. Besides you can't gain self esteem from other people, you have to find it within yourself.
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 How did an OLD thread turn into men bashing me. People that usually like to put others down have low self esteem. I refuse to feed the trolls, I will no.longer respond to ridiculous posts meant to demean/provoke me.
Tayken Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 If you reserve your time and effort for women who's company you'd enjoy even if they don't turn out to be your exact physical type then it shouldn't be an issue. I've been here a long time and seen a lot of picture threads and you would be surprised how attractive some of the women here are who have never had an avatar of themselves. They don't have anything to hide, they're just not looking for the attention it brings. And the same holds true for online dating in a lot of cases. Yeah...you know what they say about beauty right? You and I probably won't find the same person attractive, so it's subjective really As I mentioned before, I have done the beauty thing in the past and got a child from that relationship...I am looking for more than that now, and I definitely don't get caught up on pictures. I actually read profiles and asked questions based on what is there 1
Under The Radar Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Anyway it seems all the decent men have started to come around. I've gotten about 8 messages total from men who seem to be what I'm looking for. None of them make my heart skip a beat, very much confirming what Keenly told me earlier on another thread. Until I completely let go of my feelings for my ex, no one will.measure,up in my eyes. I knew I wasn't fully healed, just dipping my toe in tge dating pool. I guess the water is toi cold, better stay out for a,while. The last sentence of your post is insightful and 100% true. Having just ended a LTR you need time to heal. I remember you stating that your previous boyfriend was absolutely amazing before he betrayed your trust. You shared how trust issues originated from your ex husband cheating on you. Understandably, going into your last relationship there was difficulty in your ability to trust. I believe you are 29 or 30? Anyway, you can certainly afford to spend some time away from the dating scene while you collect yourself. Making friends is great, but using Ok Cupid (a dating website despite the option to click "looking for friends") to network and "test the waters" probably isn't the best idea during your recovery period. FYI, I did the same thing you are after my last breakup and realized I wasn't ready. It was a mistake and I ended up, regretfully, wasting some very good women's time. Anyway, your an adult and I respect whatever decision you make ...... just my two cents. All the best .
gaius Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Yes. Men tend to focus on a hot body for just sex, and a nice face for love/marriage. I'm looking for love, so this makes sense for me. Indeed. I asked one woman out to lunch without even a face shot because I found her personality so fascinating. This whole "I have to have absolute verification that you're my physical type before I'll spend 15 minutes having coffee with you" mindset is one I don't get. A guy doesn't need a full body shot if he's really into you. How did an OLD thread turn into men bashing me. People that usually like to put others down have low self esteem. I refuse to feed the trolls, I will no.longer respond to ridiculous posts meant to demean/provoke me. It's probably the avatar. Seems more like attention seeking than genuine disaproval to me.
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Indeed. I asked one woman out to lunch without even a face shot because I found her personality so fascinating. This whole "I have to have absolute verification that you're my physical type before I'll spend 15 minutes having coffee with you" mindset is one I don't get. A guy doesn't need a full body shot if he's really into you. It's probably the avatar. Seems more like attention seeking than genuine disaproval to me. I'm not following you? Lots,of people,here have,their,pic as their avatar.
BradJacobs Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 How did an OLD thread turn into men bashing me. For me it started when you were reposting conversations and then reading that you have an OLD account that you're just using as a distraction. That's fairly disrespectful all the way around. People that usually like to put others down have low self esteem. Hello Pot, meet Kettle. I refuse to feed the trolls, I will no.longer respond to ridiculous posts meant to demean/provoke me. Then I guess I shouldn't be expecting a card for V-Day? 1
gaius Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I'm not following you? Lots,of people,here have,their,pic as their avatar. Not a ton of women anymore and I can't recall any right now quite as done up as you are in that one. It's a pic that's going to ellicit attention from guys in one form or another.
Author BlametheIrish Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 The last sentence of your post is insightful and 100% true. Having just ended a LTR you need time to heal. I remember you stating that your previous boyfriend was absolutely amazing before he betrayed your trust. You shared how trust issues originated from your ex husband cheating on you. Understandably, going into your last relationship there was difficulty in your ability to trust. I believe you are 29 or 30? Anyway, you can certainly afford to spend some time away from the dating scene while you collect yourself. Making friends is great, but using Ok Cupid (a dating website despite the option to click "looking for friends") to network and "test the waters" probably isn't the best idea during your recovery period. FYI, I did the same thing you are after my last breakup and realized I wasn't ready. It was a mistake and I ended up, regretfully, wasting some very good women's time. Anyway, your an adult and I respect whatever decision you make ...... just my two cents. All the best . I appreciate your response as well as the delivery. Ive decided between OKC and Loveshack I'm starting to get a,warped view of men in general. I think I'm going to take some time,off this,site and delete my okc profilr before I become the female version of those bitter men on this,site who think all women are awful. Ive rarely seen so much negativity from people in my life as I have,on LS. Thanks to all the thoughtful posters on this thread
antonio1149 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 How did an OLD thread turn into men bashing me. People that usually like to put others down have low self esteem. I refuse to feed the trolls, I will no.longer respond to ridiculous posts meant to demean/provoke me. We're not trolling and we don't have low self-esteem. You're getting critiqued because men do OLD so they can meet women and they don't like it when women who are not sincere about meeting anyone post profiles giving the perception that they are. This is generally seen as a ploy to get attention and ego strokes. Your various comments about "not doing it to meet anyone" and "here just for browsing" and looking for "distraction" make you appear to fall in this category. We want to make connections, not be your entertainment or distraction--at best, you're wasting our time, and at worst, you're dangling false bait and toying with our emotions. Part of the problem may be that your comments are contradictory and confusing. You're "not looking to meet anyone" and "just browsing" yet your profile status indicates you're "looking for friendship" (even though you explain in your profile text, not really). But then you seem disappointed that the "quality men" who contacted you "didn't make your heart skip a beat." If you're truly looking for friendship, who cares? None of my female friends make my heart skip a beat, but they're still good company. So are you looking for friendship, a relationship (assuming someone can make you forget about your ex-boyfriend, which sounds unlikely at the moment), or "just browsing" for "distraction"?
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