cif Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Okay so after he texted me saying he was with family I said sorry for texting you at a bad time. I think I said all I needed to say but unless you have something to say there's no need to text me tonight. I was sure he would text me but he didn't I'm so depressed and it's only 8 in the morning. I was so strong last night cried only a little but and then talked to my sister and was looking on the bright side of things if this break up is actually real. I'm sure it is now. This feeling just sucks. I feel so rejected and betrayed. It's unfortunate you got really bad advice early on in this thread. Yes I do think you were being selfish HOWEVER dealing with a SO dealing with death requires ALOT of patience. Your response to his text was worse. You should have let him contact you back. Maybe he needed a shoulder to cry on and/or wanted to apologize??? He didn't text you back because your response was hurtful. It just seems like you've created way too much unnecessary drama. You should probably apologize even if you don't get back together- face to face. And if you do reconcile, I suggest couples therapy. Good luck.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Thanks. I probably should have waited awhile instead of listening to the first couple of people's responses. I guess I'll just have to go NC right now.
Phoe Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Thanks. I probably should have waited awhile instead of listening to the first couple of people's responses. I guess I'll just have to go NC right now. Except for the part where you actually didn't listen at all. You were advised to leave him be for a while, but ended up texting him, and when he said he'd text you back tonight, you pretty much told him "don't bother if you don't have anything to say" - that sends him such mixed signals. You try to contact him, then seemingly bite him telling him not to contact you. He's probably very confused. Don't text him again, let him be the one to make contact if he wants to do so. I'm sorry that you are hurting, I know it's not a fun situation. I'm not saying all of this to be a mean person, I'm saying it so you can see everything from a different perspective.
robaday Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Having lost someone a long time ago, part of this could be the way some people deal with heavy things compared to others - I prefer having space to process things and while other people think people need love and care and affection, personally I prefer being on my own so I can process it and be better for my significant other......... could be your personality types are simply too different to make something work.
Sugarkane Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) Exactly how close was this guy to his grandmother? Even if my grandparent died, I would still try and get something for my SO! Especially confiding in my SO about my loss, not dumping them by text! whenever I hear about a dumper, dumping by text, I want to shove their phone down their throat! I wouldnt bother contacting this guy again. After all you were there for him after the death. I'm a bit sick of guys being extremely poor communicators. Edited February 15, 2014 by Sugarkane
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 In the 18 months we dated he probably saw her twice. I'm sure they were closer when he was a kid. I'm tired of making excuses for him. His grandmother dying is not a good excuse to break up with me. Through a text. The week of valentines day. I'm sorry if any one think that's cold of me to say, but that's complete bs and I know I will always resent him for it. I think I need to just let this go and move on to eventually find someone that respects and values me. The process is going to suck but I refuse to be treated like I'm disposable.
Treasa Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I think you're making too big of a deal out of it being "Valentine's Day week." That's a contradiction in yourself. It's a day, not a week. And even the day isn't that big of a deal. Your problem is that you don't love or respect yourself enough. If you did, you'd send yourself some flowers and they'd be just as good. Yes, his grandma died, and that's very sad. However, he ignored you, and if you're already insecure, I can see how that'd make it worse and make you cling. It's not a good thing, but it's a natural progression when your self-esteem sucks. Definitely do not contact him again. If you do, you will lose any remaining self-respect you have. Move on, try to change your thoughts and change your life, and if a guy you're dating in the future ignores you, just go out with your friends or on your own, and enjoy your own life. Become too busy and invested in yourself into be waiting around for a guy. Don't cling to someone else.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Thank you love. I really appreciate it:)
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Update: Got a little drunk on valentines day and wound up texting him asking if he was okay. UGH I KNOW. Please don't give me a hard time about that. I know it was stupid & made me look pathetic. Anyway, he didnt answer until the next morning. Him: Im sorry I missed your message. I had already fallen asleep bc i have work today which is where I am on my way to now. I really appreciate your asking. I'm not doing great the past few days and they have been long and ****ty Me: I figured you'd have off today my bad. I'm sorry to hear that. Death is a very hard thing. Just try to be strong Him: Thanks. How are you doing? Me: Its been a rough week but I'll be okay Him: I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sorry for everything Me:As much as id like to I feel like i can't forgive you for all that but thanks for apologizing. If you ever need someone to talk to about your grandma I'm here Him: I don't think I even deserve your forgiveness but I am truly sorry and appreciate the offer Me: No problem. Pick up your head and kick ass at work. You have the cutest lil angel watching over you now and she wouldnt want you to be depressed Him: Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I don't deserve that from you either. This was all Saturday morning. I feel like I left it on a good note & will for sure go NC until he tries to reach out to me. I'm so mad at myself for getting drunk & texting him to begin with but at least it didn't go too bad. What do you guys think? Besides that I'm an idiot for drunk texting him
fixing Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Dont worry about it. It actually went very well all things considered. You come off absolutely fine there. He seems to acknowledge completely that he did you wrong. Now go back to no contact unless he reaches out in a meaningful way.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Thanks Fixing Thats the plan. Unless he shows me in a meaningful way how sorry he is or tries reaching out to me, I will remain no contact & start the moving on process. He has a trip coming up next weekend with friends that I obviously have anxiety about bc I know some single people are going, but I'll just have to somehow put that anxiety aside. If hes thinking about other girls already, hes obviously not the guy for me.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I'm seriously thinking about throwing it out the window. I check it every ten minutes with the hopes that he'll call or text to apologize for breaking up & tell me he didnt mean it and wants me back (this has happened before). What if he never does? I think I'm in denial because theres a strong chance this is for real this time. gahh. I wish men knew the power of an apology.
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'm seriously thinking about throwing it out the window. I check it every ten minutes with the hopes that he'll call or text to apologize for breaking up & tell me he didnt mean it and wants me back (this has happened before). What if he never does? I think I'm in denial because theres a strong chance this is for real this time. gahh. I wish men knew the power of an apology. If you change your number, he won't be able to call you, and therefore, you'll stop checking it. There is a very real possibility that he won't call you. So you need to prepare a strategy for handling that. Also, he doesn't necessarily need to apologise for breaking up with you. Dumping someone is a necessary evil in this life, and not an act one needs to apologise for.
ithappenedagain Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I'm not too sure how far along you are with your breakup, but I posted pretty much the EXACT same message the first week of our breakup. This was about a month ago. I'd almost bet it was line for line with what your message says.. So with that said... It gets better. I am no longer checking my phone religiously. I did think about changing my number, but at the end of the day, i am not gonna change my number just because of her. I was a wreck with my phone. Just like you. I felt like I was a huge piece of metal and my phone was a magnet. Now I can leave my phone, or get calls and texts and not 100% assume they are from her. You will get better as time goes on. Trust me. I know! I was in your exact shoes. I am not going to lie though. There are still times I check my phone and wish it is her, but not nearly as much as I was doing a month ago. It will get better.
Minneloa Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I'm seriously thinking about throwing it out the window. I check it every ten minutes with the hopes that he'll call or text to apologize for breaking up & tell me he didnt mean it and wants me back (this has happened before). What if he never does? I think I'm in denial because theres a strong chance this is for real this time. gahh. I wish men knew the power of an apology. But didn't he already apologize? In your other thread, you shared a text in which he said he was truly sorry.
Gemini x Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I changed my number a week ago for that very reason. Seeing him not reach out to me made me feel worse. I felt like I was watching him move on with his life. Now I don't worry about it because he can't text me anyway. I do understand that little ounce of hope is why you haven't changed it. I was the same way but I was hurting so bad I had to do something. Plus, if someone loves you enough they'll find a way to contact you.
Wings Of Love Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I did this for the first few weeks after my breakup. It got to the point that I started switching it off for hours at a time or leaving it at home when I went out, just so I could focus on other things. We stopped talking altogether eventually though and somehow that constant need to check my phone just faded. It will fade for you too, just try not to give into temptation. Maybe try leaving it in another room for an hour, and build up from there?
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 But didn't he already apologize? In your other thread, you shared a text in which he said he was truly sorry. Hi, he did, but I thought that was kind of half ass*d, no? After I said i was having a bad week he said he was sorry for everything. I want a phone call or a meaningful apology ya know? He did break my heart the week before valentines day. I dont know.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Hi, he did, but I thought that was kind of half ass*d, no? After I said i was having a bad week he said he was sorry for everything. I want a phone call or a meaningful apology ya know? He did break my heart the week before valentines day. I dont know. Also, he broke up with me through a text, I think i at least deserve the apology through a phone call lol
Minneloa Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Hi, he did, but I thought that was kind of half ass*d, no? After I said i was having a bad week he said he was sorry for everything. I want a phone call or a meaningful apology ya know? He did break my heart the week before valentines day. I dont know. Ok, that clarifies it, thanks. So really what you are hoping for is a reconciliation gesture? What makes this breakup different from your previous ones? I know you are hurting right now from the split and want him to come back, but the instabilty of the relationship seems like the bigger issue here.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Ok, that clarifies it, thanks. So really what you are hoping for is a reconciliation gesture? What makes this breakup different from your previous ones? I know you are hurting right now from the split and want him to come back, but the instabilty of the relationship seems like the bigger issue here. Yes I guess I am looking for a reconciliation gesture. Nothing really makes this different then our other breakups. It all starts with an argument and ends in a break up. I guess him saying he's not happy and doing it through a text is what makes this one different. I just want to fast forward to 3 months from now
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 I changed my number a week ago for that very reason. Seeing him not reach out to me made me feel worse. I felt like I was watching him move on with his life. Now I don't worry about it because he can't text me anyway. I do understand that little ounce of hope is why you haven't changed it. I was the same way but I was hurting so bad I had to do something. Plus, if someone loves you enough they'll find a way to contact you. That is true. I guess I have no patience & my anxiety just makes it worse.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 So last night was not a good night. I expected him to reach out by now. I broke down for an hour and let out a good cry. I couldn't sleep last night and woke up so angry and upset. For fun this morning I tweeted at a radio dj from where I'm from and told him I got dumped before valentines day and asked him out. I didn't expect a response but got one and he's now been messaging me. I feel extremely guilty and not ready to out with someone yet so I think I'm goin to stop messaging him. I'm still hanging on to that nasty thing called hope. I figured he would either call me before he went away (sat) on vacation or after he comes back (next Thursday) but the anxiety is just killing me. I hate this.
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 I broke NC for closure last night. He broke up with me through a text on Feb 10th so I just needed him to say it to my face so I could let to of that "hope that he'll come back" anxiety. He said he's not happy right now and that we fight too often. I really think we barely fought but I'm only his second relationship so maybe he doesn't know it's normal to fight every once in a while. He told me he still loves me and is still in love with me and I said that's BS if he loved me he wouldn't be letting us go, he'd find a way to make it work. Anyway I told him if he's not happy that's a perfectly valid reason to break up I just wish he did it in person. He apologized for that. He said he thinks we can both find ppl we are more compatabile with an that right now he doesn't see a future with me. He doesn't want to get married, have kids and not be happy. That killed me and I started to cry. I told him if he spoke about how unhappy he was or communicated with me that he was unhappy we could've worked at it. So I left there feeling a lot better because I got my closure. But I went home and we were texting and being funny with each other and then I was just telling him I hope he doesn't come back a few weeks from now thinkin he made a mistake. I told him how much I loved him and how much I wish we woulda just worked on thigs. I told him I thought he was the one for me before the past couple of months and he said the same. I pretty much just broke down through texts and he just said he think it's best for us to be broken up. He's off to Colorado til Wednesday now. I texted him this morning saying I know for a fact I could cut out my bs and make him happy and if he could cut out some of his as wll I would be happy. I said if he ever wants me back he'll have to fight for me and that he knows where to find me. I wished him a safe flight and said I wouldn't text him again. I know I got my closure and I know he doesn't want me anymore but I love him so much and all I want is him back I love everything about him even the imperfections. I want him to miss me and realize he made a mistake. I know texting him is not gonna help and I know I need to give him his space for him to realize. And if he doesn't I just want to move on. I'm so devastated. I lost the love of my life. Anyone have any tips? Advice?
Author crackerjax9 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 God help me. I've been crying for the last two hours and just want to die. I hate my life.
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