Ex dumped me for mutual friend: Am I crazy to call her behavior beforehand "cheating"

[Sugarkane]

I Also found it odd that she was so desperate for kids. Why? You're still in your twenties. Was there a medical reason?

[mantlefan]

I Also found it odd that she was so desperate for kids. Why? You're still in your twenties. Was there a medical reason?

 

I don't know. She once said something like she wasn't sure if she could have kids, but when I asked her about it, she sort of changed the subject. I didn't think much of it at the time, and haven't really thought about it until now.

 

 

She texted a friend of mine that she was going to have sex with the "friend" she left me for. When she and I were together (5 years), we agreed to wait until we were married. She later told my friend she was joking. This is a completely unsubstantiated theory (and I know I shouldn't theorize or even care), but it's like she feels she wasted 5 years with me and now she needs to get this guy attached to her and get started on babies.

 

 

She did ask me once if the reason I wasn't sure about kids was because it was something I didn't want to do because I thought something was wrong with her. I told her it was about my fears and my concerns, which was the truth. Most of those I have faced. I wonder if she believed me. As mad at I am at her, she was not the reason I was afraid to have kids.

 

 

I think Sidney is right about me not being able to communicate well with women. When I have something to say I say it. I sometimes assume for women it is the same. Looking back, I wish she would have told me why she thought she might not be able to have kids. But Fixing is right, regret isn't going to help.

[mantlefan]

Tried to ask my ex professionally about what her thoughts were for working for the organization that we both volunteer at. We are short on staff and I asked her point blank if she would be comfortable working there if I was also there, even though it would be hard.

 

 

She politely said more or less that she didn't feel comfortable. She then went on to tell me about the great things she has going on this summer even if she doesn't work at the organization. Until now, we have both kept personal stuff out of it. I don't know why she told me about her other plans. To let me know she was going to be OK without the organization? To convince herself that not working for the org. is the right thing? To brag about how I am stuck where we met and she has moved onto wonderful things? To try to draw some personal information out of me?

 

 

I know in my head it doesn't matter. But in my heart it does. I typed this paragraph into my professional response, but then deleted it:

 

 

"Please try to leave out details from your personal life (spring break, other summer plans) in our future conversations. I think you are a great resource for the organization, but beyond that I have no business in or benefit from hearing anything else going on in your life, even if it makes me happy to hear that things are going well for you."

 

 

I just wanted to publish that somewhere.

[Chi townD]

Dude, is the witch finally gone? She doesn't work at the same place? Good!

 

 

Here you are saying that she's rubbing your nose in what a great life she has. Well, what about your positive changes? What have YOU been doing to make YOUR life great. Dude, I can only preach to you so many times......

[KaliLove]

First of all, anything you feel like you have to hide from your significant other regarding the opposite sex is cheating in my book.

 

Second, don't think of it as her 'choosing kids over you'. If she wants kids and you don't, the relationship wouldn't have worked out no matter what. Whomever did not get their way would have ended up resenting the other person. Of course, you are only 24 and you have plenty of time to change your mind. I understand not wanting kids at your age.

 

Third, hope you know not to contact her or worry about her anymore. Time to move on bud.

[mantlefan]

Dude, is the witch finally gone? She doesn't work at the same place? Good!

 

 

Here you are saying that she's rubbing your nose in what a great life she has. Well, what about your positive changes? What have YOU been doing to make YOUR life great. Dude, I can only preach to you so many times......

 

 

 

Sorry if I sounded all mopey. I think I am actually doing well. I know I mentioned that I was "stuck" in my above post, I more meant that she was trying to make me feel stuck.

 

 

I keep applying for jobs all over the country, and will probably take the first one I get. I know things are getting better, but it still hurts to realize that she is not in my life after being such a big part of it. That's all I was trying to say.

 

 

And I appreciate you preaching to me even if you do it more that you should have to.

[mantlefan]

"Thanks for trying to compliment me about the "amazing" job I am doing. I am sorry though, I still haven't forgiven you or him. I wish I could. I really do. I wish I could go to <church> and see you two without wanting to throw up. What you did wasn't right. You really betrayed me. Both of you. Falling in love with someone else happens. That happens. Lying and manipulating and using, though, that is a choice. That doesn't just happen. My emails to you that week after you dumped me for him, I still wonder if I have forgiven myself yet, but facing that guilt has been immensely important for me. Don't run away from your betrayal and manipulation of me. Face it. Hurt over it. You will grow. And if it has never hurt you, then seek help. You absolutely shattered my heart. Even though I mean nothing to you, the simple fact that I am another human being should mean something. That should hurt. I know you don't care and may never understand how much you absolutely crushed me. But for everyone's sake, please try to."

 

 

A letter I want to send, but will say here instead.

[bluegreen]

And a bitch will do same to him to just think about this.

They deserve each other and he will never have any peace knowing who she is and what she is capable of.

People do and can fall out of love but to cheat to be with someone else its what makes the person scum simple as that.

 

You hurt now he fears or soon will any guy near her and she will just go lower and lower and lower until snake belly is high comparing to her.

 

 

 

My heart goes out to you but you will recover watch my words if I told you why

he my "ex" dumped me your jaw would hit floor.

But here I am gone from zero to hero and would not want him to lick s... toilet after me much less be with me in any way ...