emailing a selfie wearing only underpants

[jacobstein1960]

I am a divorced man in his low 50's and I work as a home health aide. Home care agencies match me up with clients. A couple of days ago, a manager at an agency asked me if I'd like to meet single women. She herself is 58, married and Russian. I said sure, however a big obstacle I've had is that women under 40 reject me because I'm too old and I am seldom attracted to women over 40. I then followed up with this email:

 

I hope you don't mind this photo*but I try to take good care of myself even though I'm 53.

 

I don't care necessarily about a woman's age or her children, however American women under 40 always say I'm too old. And women over 40 seem to always be either not in good shape or married.

 

I would love to meet someone from the former USSR and help her to be comfortable I America. I like the Russian accent.

 

I attached a photo of myself wearing briefs. Nothing unusual or erotic, just standing there staring at the camera. Definitely less provocative than the Calvin Klein underwear ads. I simply wanted her to be able to reassure any younger women that I am not the stereotypical paunchy couch potato middle aged guy, but rather I am very athletic, toned, etc. My doctor has told me that for my age I am in perfect shape.

 

The next day I called this women back, about work. She was extremely angry and said "WHY DID YOU SEND ME THAT PHOTO! THAT PHOTO IS VERY SUSPICIOUS! YOU HAVE NO JOB HERE!" followed by "click" and dial tone. I was totally shocked.

 

So is she right? Am I a perverted exhibitionist? Or is she crazy?*

[TheNewMe2014]

whether you meant it or not - that picture provides a lot of negative connotations and thoughts.

 

a man in his underwear sending a picture to his employer, yeah - that would set off some red flags. I'm sorry.

 

Honestly, talking to her about your desires makes more sense. In a work place, that is a photo that is probably inappropriate.

[MidwestUSA]

A selfie in only your briefs is totally over the top creepy. She's not crazy. You realize that in health care, we have to be hyper vigilant about the types of people we send into people's homes (yes, I'm in home care and subjected to the yearly report the state generates on me).

 

She could easily report you and seriously hamper your chance at working again anywhere. What were you thinking?

[jacobstein1960]

What I was thinking was very simple: if you do speak to women about me, you can assure them that I'm not an ugly out of shape old man and even show them the photo to prove it.

 

She brought up the topic of dating, not me.

 

And she's married and 58 and I clearing was not sexually harassing her.

 

What if she saw me at the beach wearing a speedo type bathing suit?

[MidwestUSA]

What I was thinking was very simple: if you do speak to women about me, you can assure them that I'm not an ugly out of shape old man and even show them the photo to prove it.

 

She brought up the topic of dating, not me.

 

And she's married and 58 and I clearing was not sexually harassing her.

 

What if she saw me at the beach wearing a speedo type bathing suit?

 

That would be an innocent run in at the beach.

 

 

You willfully sent her something that can put you on your state's warning list, do you not know that? Or are you not in the states?

[jacobstein1960]

And what about the models who do the Calvin Klein underpants ads? Are they pervs, plastered all over billboards for every man, woman and child to stare at?

[jacobstein1960]

I'm in New York. Did I abuse a patient?

[MidwestUSA]

And what about the models who do the Calvin Klein underpants ads? Are they pervs, plastered all over billboards for every man, woman and child to stare at?

They aren't working in health care, are they?

[MidwestUSA]

I'm in New York. Did I abuse a patient?

 

No, but no employer will take that chance if this goes on your report. You can only hope that she simply decides to overlook it and is satisfied with having fired you.

 

We're held to higher standards than underwear models.

[jacobstein1960]

And why is seeing me at the beach in a speedo (even more tiny than my briefs by the way) OK? To me it's far worse - I'm parading around in public in front of five and ten year old kids! This was one photo sent one time for a specific practical reason to one almost-elderly married woman.

[MidwestUSA]

And why is seeing me at the beach in a speedo (even more tiny than my briefs by the way) OK? To me it's far worse - I'm parading around in public in front of five and ten year old kids! This was one photo sent one time for a specific practical reason to one almost-elderly married woman.

 

Um, okay. I'm not going to try to explain why the states have safeguards in place for home health. You've been subject to a yearly check, whether you know it or not.

 

 

Good luck with your employment, and your Speedo.

[jacobstein1960]

What report?

 

And what if my resume read "1980 to 1985 male underwear model for Calvin Klein"

 

That's it, no certification for me?

 

I'm not trying to be argumentative or rude. I just don't understand. This isn't Saudi Arabia or Qatar. A photo of a man in his briefs is not considered to be pornographic or even offensive in New York City 2014. At least as far as I knew.

 

If I would have randomly emailed some hot secretaries at the agency the photo asking them if they want to hook up, that would be extremely rude if not borderline illegal. However that was not at all the case here. I'm quoting exactly the attached email.

[MidwestUSA]

Home health companies are required to cooperate with a state agency that deals with abuse of any type, I can't recall the name of the agency right now. Every year, a report is generated on you.

 

It's a problem if your employer considers it out of line and reports it. Doesn't matter one wit what your resume says.

 

 

Isn't her anger a slight clue that you were out of line? And the fact that she fired you?

[TheNewMe2014]

it's a problem because most people feel it is...doesn't matter anything else. There are social norms. This is considered to be outside the social norm.

[HappyLove]

You're a pervert and you know it. All this back and forth about CK models and the beach yea whatever!

[MidwestUSA]

You're a pervert and you know it. All this back and forth about CK models and the beach yea whatever!

 

LOL, and here I am worrying about the employment aspect. Silly me!

[TaraMaiden]

What I was thinking was very simple: if you do speak to women about me, you can assure them that I'm not an ugly out of shape old man and even show them the photo to prove it.

 

She brought up the topic of dating, not me.

 

And she's married and 58 and I clearing was not sexually harassing her.

 

What if she saw me at the beach wearing a speedo type bathing suit?

 

If I saw someone on a beach, in the summer, wearing a coat, trousers, wooly hat and scarf - that would be out of place.

if I saw someone in a shopping mall, wearing nothing but a bikini, while doing her shopping - that would be out of place.

If a guy came to me for a job interview wearing a string vest, denim shorts and sandals - that would be out of place.

if an employee sent me a photo of himself in nothing but his y-fronts, telling me what a great guy he is physically - that would be out of place.

 

There are many more ways of showing what great physique you have, in far more appropriate ways, than sending a near-naked selfie.

 

You over-stepped a line. Big time.

 

Completely inappropriate, tactless and definitely 'out of place'.

her reaction was completely justified and understandable, under the circumstances.

[organizedchaos]

You are not an underwear model. You work in healthcare. You sent your employer a photo of you in your underwear so she could introduce you to single women. Creepy.

 

You don't need to be in a speedo at the beach, regular swim trunks would be fine.

 

You have ZERO photos of you in form fitting clothes? A suit? Any full length photos, in clothes, that show you in good shape???

Edited February 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Art_Critic]

Did she ask you to email her a photo of yourself so she could show it to some women ?

 

I'd bet she thought you were coming on to her...

 

The other thing.. you are 53.. date women your age.. and you will not find a woman age 28 that you are able to date.. it isn't gonna happen.

 

I'm about your age and no way in heck would I date a woman 15-25 years younger... you are on the back half of your life and have little to nothing in common with someone in their 20's or 30's.. start looking in the late 40's if you are going to look younger...

[jacobstein1960]

Regarding home health aide employment in New York State the law seems to be as follows:

 

Once the registry is fully operational, it will also designate whether the aide is “approved” or “disapproved” for employment. This determination will be based on whether or not a) the aide has worked within the last 24 months (otherwise her certificate will lapse), b) the aide has been reported by an employer for having mistreated or neglected a client or misappropriated funds, or c) the aide has been arrested and convicted of a crime.

 

http://phinational.org/sites/phinational.org/files/clearinghouse/PHI-483%20NY%20Training.pdf

 

Apparently not all crimes are disqualifying either in New York State, but only certain felony convictions.

 

http://www.reentry.net/ny/library/attachment.90366

 

Basically, unless your either a rob a bank, sell drugs or you beat up an old lady, you are pretty much clear in New York. As far as I know.

 

Is it different elsewhere? For example in Nebraska can you be "disapproved" for let's say sending a coworker a nude photo? Seriously, I'm curious.

[organizedchaos]

Regarding home health aide employment in New York State the law seems to be as follows:

 

Once the registry is fully operational, it will also designate whether the aide is “approved” or “disapproved” for employment. This determination will be based on whether or not a) the aide has worked within the last 24 months (otherwise her certificate will lapse), b) the aide has been reported by an employer for having mistreated or neglected a client or misappropriated funds, or c) the aide has been arrested and convicted of a crime.

 

http://phinational.org/sites/phinational.org/files/clearinghouse/PHI-483%20NY%20Training.pdf

 

Apparently not all crimes are disqualifying either in New York State, but only certain felony convictions.

 

http://www.reentry.net/ny/library/attachment.90366

 

Basically, unless your either a rob a bank, sell drugs or you beat up an old lady, you are pretty much clear in New York. As far as I know.

 

Is it different elsewhere? For example in Nebraska can you be "disapproved" for let's say sending a coworker a nude photo? Seriously, I'm curious.

 

It's not about the law! It's about common f'n sense man. Something a guy in his 50's should know by now.

[MidwestUSA]

Regarding home health aide employment in New York State the law seems to be as follows:

 

Once the registry is fully operational, it will also designate whether the aide is “approved” or “disapproved” for employment. This determination will be based on whether or not a) the aide has worked within the last 24 months (otherwise her certificate will lapse), b) the aide has been reported by an employer for having mistreated or neglected a client or misappropriated funds, or c) the aide has been arrested and convicted of a crime.

 

http://phinational.org/sites/phinational.org/files/clearinghouse/PHI-483%20NY%20Training.pdf

 

Apparently not all crimes are disqualifying either in New York State, but only certain felony convictions.

 

http://www.reentry.net/ny/library/attachment.90366

 

Basically, unless your either a rob a bank, sell drugs or you beat up an old lady, you are pretty much clear in New York. As far as I know.

 

Is it different elsewhere? For example in Nebraska can you be "disapproved" for let's say sending a coworker a nude photo? Seriously, I'm curious.

 

It's not fair that some people are labeled domestic abusers, either, but you know that often the accuser's word is taken over that of the accused. It happens, right?

[TaraMaiden]

First of all, you weren't employed BY her. She's an Agent.

Secondly, her 'you have no job here!" is an indication that your being her client is over. She's rejected you and will not be finding you employment.

 

You were a complete idiot.

Get over it.

[jacobstein1960]

In any case this was not a business related conversation or email. It was on a personal level one acquaintance to another.

 

It's not like I emailed an employer my resume with an underpants photo attached to prove what great shape I'm in and how hard I'll work.

 

It's like a neighbor would ask me if I want to meet some girls and I sent her this photo.

 

Again, I am trying to understand this. The same image in these situations:

 

giant underwear advertisement billboard: no problem

 

walking around the beach full of families and little kids: no problem

 

emailing to a middle aged woman who I'm slightly acquainted with regarding her offer to get me dates: INCREDIBLY RUDE SEXUALLY PERVERSE ALMOST CRIMINAL*

 

Can someone decode that for me? What exactly am I missing?

 

I would think the opposite might be a little questionable: should an employment agency manager try to play matchmaker with workers? Is that wise and/or professional?

[MidwestUSA]

See my last reply. As a representative of an agency that reports to the state, this woman can make it out to be anything she wants it to be. You're missing BOTH points here.