Intellectual Quotient Versus Emotional Intellegence ...

[Under The Radar]

Which is more important, both for yourself, and in a significant other?

 

Please explain why ...

[Emilia]

Both. In my experience the two often come together. Emotionally Intelligent people tend to be very bright.

[Under The Radar]

Both. In my experience the two often come together. Emotionally Intelligent people tend to be very bright.

 

Emilia, you took the easy way out .

 

I should have been more specific: If you had to pick between one being average, and the other being above average, which is MORE important for happiness in life?

 

I'm apodictically certain that BOTH IQ and EQ are critical to our well-being, but I'm genuinely curious what people value more.

 

I agree that people with a high EQ usually possess a high IQ. Conversely, I have found that a high IQ does not always equate with a high EQ.

[Emilia]

Emilia, you took the easy way out .

 

I should have been more specific: If you had to pick between one being average, and the other being above average, which is MORE important for happiness in life?

 

I'm apodictically certain that BOTH IQ and EQ are critical to our well-being, but I'm genuinely curious what people value more.

 

I agree that people with a high EQ usually possess a high IQ. Conversely, I have found that a high IQ does not always equate with a high EQ.

Haha don't think so

 

I agree with the last sentence so if I pick EQ then I'm picking both really. Certainly don't want someone with a high IQ who has zero empathy. That's a psychopath I believe.

[Under The Radar]

Just saw that in my rush to post this thread I misspelled intelligence in the title.

 

Guess we've managed to identify my IQ is certainly less than my EQ :lmao:.

[carhill]

In day to day interactions in an intimate relationship, being aware of one's own emotions and being competent in detecting and assessing same in one's partner, along with managing those emotional states, work at the base of maintaining and building intimacy and addressing challenges and disagreements one and one's partner invariably face in life.

 

Though there is disagreement as to the validity and scope of EQ amongst practitioners who study it, it appears that a person, in general, who is emotionally competent and insightful also lends those qualities to aspects of their intelligence, so trend towards having a higher IQ than average. Perhaps the same parts of the brain which develop to promote emotional awareness and assessment also affect one's intellectual awareness and assessment.

 

In an intimate relationship, if I had to make a tradeoff, I'd trade the aspects known about emotional 'intelligence' in favor of those described as intellectual intelligence. IOW, as an example, preferring a person with a 'good heart' who is perceptive and understanding and calm, versus a highly intelligent person who lacked those qualities.

[Under The Radar]

Haha don't think so

 

I agree with the last sentence so if I pick EQ then I'm picking both really. Certainly don't want someone with a high IQ who has zero empathy. That's a psychopath I believe.

 

You don't say, a woman who wants the best of both worlds?

 

You always struck me as being well balanced .

 

No problem, I want that, too.

 

Hopefully there aren't a lot of sociopaths in the UK ...

[Under The Radar]

In day to day interactions in an intimate relationship, being aware of one's own emotions and being competent in detecting and assessing same in one's partner, along with managing those emotional states, work at the base of maintaining and building intimacy and addressing challenges and disagreements one and one's partner invariably face in life.

 

Though there is disagreement as to the validity and scope of EQ amongst practitioners who study it, it appears that a person, in general, who is emotionally competent and insightful also lends those qualities to aspects of their intelligence, so trend towards having a higher IQ than average. Perhaps the same parts of the brain which develop to promote emotional awareness and assessment also affect one's intellectual awareness and assessment.

 

In an intimate relationship, if I had to make a tradeoff, I'd trade the aspects known about emotional 'intelligence' in favor of those described as intellectual intelligence. IOW, as an example, preferring a person with a 'good heart' who is perceptive and understanding and calm, versus a highly intelligent person who lacked those qualities.

 

 

Hey Carhill, thanks for the insight and chiming in. Like you, I prefer a person with a "good heart" who is perceptive, understanding, and calm versus a genius lacking in those qualities.

 

It greatly interests me how many types of intelligence truly exist. On a continuum, people can certainly be on extreme ends of the spectrum within their own intellectual strengths and weaknesses.

[MyEvilTwin]

Funny.

My knee-jerk reaction was Emotional Intellect of course!

 

 

Then I look at my history of choices I have made and I have always chosen the high intellect and usually a little short on emotional intellect. Never met a highly intellectual man with those balanced.

[janedoe67]

Which is more important, both for yourself, and in a significant other?

 

Please explain why ...

 

Wow, this one is tough.

 

I have a high IQ and advanced degrees and lots of shiny smart things (smile).

 

But I have to say, just like emotional intelligence is typically a better indicator of career success, I think it is also a better predictor of relationship success....unless two emotionally and/or socially inept people happen to get together. I get easily bored with someone who may not have very much intellect...but I CRINGE being around someone who just has no grasp of social cues, acceptable interaction, tact, and emotional intelligence.

[Under The Radar]

Funny.

My knee-jerk reaction was Emotional Intellect of course!

 

 

Then I look at my history of choices I have made and I have always chosen the high intellect and usually a little short on emotional intellect. Never met a highly intellectual man with those balanced.

 

 

Yes, I've experienced the poor correlation at times with a high IQ individual and a much less balanced EQ ...... in both genders.

 

Personally, as a straight man, I prefer that even my platonic friends have a relatively high EQ. Ironically, though I date women, my best friend, who happens to be a gay male, easily has the highest EQ of anyone I've ever met.

 

Though, MANY of my closest friends ARE kind, empathetic, selfless, and display high levels of appreciation for delayed gratification (a trait largely associated with an above average EQ).

 

Interestingly, I've observed individuals who are very attuned and insightful when it comes to others, but have extremely poor self awareness. That's a diametrically opposed phenomenon that can be confusing at times. True EQ, in my opinion, has as much to do with PERSONAL enlightenment, understanding, and wisdom as it does one's ability to transfer those qualities to others.

[TaraMaiden]

IQ every time.

Someone with a high IQ can evolve and develop their EI in a positive and constructive way, should they be open to doing so.

 

Someone who is EI cannot necessarily advance their IQ, however much they might try.

[Emilia]

Interestingly, I've observed individuals who are very attuned and insightful when it comes to others, but have extremely poor self awareness. That's a diametrically opposed phenomenon that can be confusing at times. True EQ, in my opinion, has as much to do with PERSONAL enlightenment, understanding, and wisdom as it does one's ability to transfer those qualities to others.

That's because in those cases emotions affect their cognition. This is why it's easy to 'diagnose' others, even on a messaging board sometimes. When your thought process is clouded, it's hard to take that step back because you don't see it.

 

The reason why BPD for example is so dangerous is that the person truly believes that their feelings are justified because their thoughts tell them so.

[central]

I'll take high EQ for a harmonious relationship. But I also require a decent IQ to keep me interested in the relationship!

[Under The Radar]

Wow, this one is tough.

 

I have a high IQ and advanced degrees and lots of shiny smart things (smile).

 

But I have to say, just like emotional intelligence is typically a better indicator of career success, I think it is also a better predictor of relationship success....unless two emotionally and/or socially inept people happen to get together. I get easily bored with someone who may not have very much intellect...but I CRINGE being around someone who just has no grasp of social cues, acceptable interaction, tact, and emotional intelligence.

 

 

Janedoe67 ,

 

Your comments on another thread inspired me to create this one.

 

I was hoping you would chime in ...... and ......I wholeheartedly agree with your perspective on this subject.

 

BTW, anyone reading your posts with even a modicum of common sense, would surely see that YOU possess both high levels of IQ AND EQ.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Under The Radar]

IQ every time.

Someone with a high IQ can evolve and develop their EI in a positive and constructive way, should they be open to doing so.

 

Someone who is EI cannot necessarily advance their IQ, however much they might try.

 

 

This is interesting. I wonder how many of those highly intelligent people with a low EQ become aware of that fact. If so, how many care to improve upon it?

 

Temple Grandin comes to mind. Though she displayed an exceptional EQ for animals at a young age, her ability to transfer that to humans was not equal. Through her many trials and tribulations she learned to understand people the way she had innately done with animals. Of course she always had a high IQ.

[Under The Radar]

That's because in those cases emotions affect their cognition. This is why it's easy to 'diagnose' others, even on a messaging board sometimes. When your thought process is clouded, it's hard to take that step back because you don't see it.

 

The reason why BPD for example is so dangerous is that the person truly believes that their feelings are justified because their thoughts tell them so.

 

 

Thanks Emilia, that's the accommodating answer I knew you'd give me and the impetus for my playful jab earlier. I appreciate the context and wisdom you have provided here .

 

Gotta love LS .

[TaraMaiden]

That's why I added 'should they be open to doing so'.

 

occasionally, people with a high IQ resist the social requirement to be more emotively intelligent... because psychologically, they may feel such attributes render them 'inferior'. Giving in to such attributes makes them feel more vulnerable and exposed.

 

They perceive it as a weakness.

[Under The Radar]

I'll take high EQ for a harmonious relationship. But I also require a decent IQ to keep me interested in the relationship!

 

 

No doubt. That synergistic balance between a healthy IQ and EQ is absolutely paramount for a LTR.

[Under The Radar]

That's why I added 'should they be open to doing so'.

 

occasionally, people with a high IQ resist the social requirement to be more emotively intelligent... because psychologically, they may feel such attributes render them 'inferior'. Giving in to such attributes makes them feel more vulnerable and exposed.

 

They perceive it as a weakness.

 

 

I'm so glad you pointed this out and could not agree more.

 

Thank you!

[Emilia]

Thanks Emilia, that's the accommodating answer I knew you'd give me and the impetus for my playful jab earlier. I appreciate the context and wisdom you have provided here .

 

Gotta love LS .

Jab?

 

Being serious for a minute: if you mean my reference to diagnosing people on LS, I meant my own BPD posts here. Not anything you said.

 

But yes, gotta love LS

[Emilia]

That's why I added 'should they be open to doing so'.

 

occasionally, people with a high IQ resist the social requirement to be more emotively intelligent... because psychologically, they may feel such attributes render them 'inferior'. Giving in to such attributes makes them feel more vulnerable and exposed.

 

They perceive it as a weakness.

I find this with men brought up outside the developed world more, ie in more traditional patriarchial societies - from personal dating experiences.

[Under The Radar]

Jab?

 

Being serious for a minute: if you mean my reference to diagnosing people on LS, I meant my own BPD posts here. Not anything you said.

 

But yes, gotta love LS

 

Jab = My comment: "You took the easy way out"

 

Being serious for a second minute: NP, my comments were not sarcastic and I knew you were not alluding to anything I said. Your analogy, using BPD, was spot on and provided me with helpful insight.

 

Have a good one ...... gotta go train a client .

[MyEvilTwin]

That's because in those cases emotions affect their cognition. This is why it's easy to 'diagnose' others, even on a messaging board sometimes. When your thought process is clouded, it's hard to take that step back because you don't see it.

 

The reason why BPD for example is so dangerous is that the person truly believes that their feelings are justified because their thoughts tell them so.

 

 

Who's thought process is not clouded, biased, or can't see the forest for the trees when we are trying to self-examine and diagnose?

 

 

How often can people successfully become self-aware?

[salparadise]

Haha don't think so

 

I agree with the last sentence so if I pick EQ then I'm picking both really. Certainly don't want someone with a high IQ who has zero empathy. That's a psychopath I believe.

 

EQ without a doubt. It may be true that there is correlation one way and not the other. Of three relationships since my divorce, one had both and the other two were intelligent but lacking emotional awareness. One was a card-carrying mensa member and she was so cerebral that I became both bored and annoyed. She knew she had deficits and wanted to become more aware, one of the stated reasons she was interested in me, but it just wasn't in her. She was rigid, judgmental, had an attitude of superiority and lacked empathy. I find that unattractive. I am not even a little bit interested in dating someone like that again–– give me an empathetic, emotionally aware woman and just let the IQ fall wherever. I think IQ is part of the initial attraction, but EQ can take a little time to figure out because it's understood to be a desirable quality, and all too easy for a smart woman to fake for awhile.

 

I think psychopaths are pretty much devoid of empathy, proclivity to care about others, conscience or remorse. Not measurable on the same scale.

Edited February 13, 2014 by salparadise