forever_lost Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I know it's not now for me, when the wounds are still fresh, but do any of you have success stories of reconciliations via friendship? My ex has already reached out with this as a possibility, which was kind of her, but I have no interest at this point. How do you know when, and if, this sort of relationship will lead to positive outcomes (i.e. no bitterness or awkwardness)?
theonlyjuan Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Long enough so that you both have changed a bit, kinda like meeting for first time again. Some become friends earlier, I chose not to. What is the point? No good can come of it IMO
Author forever_lost Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Long enough so that you both have changed a bit, kinda like meeting for first time again. Some become friends earlier, I chose not to. What is the point? No good can come of it IMO Yeah, that's my mindset right now. My only detraction from that is that I feel like if we hadn't dated we could've been really good friends, so it seems like a pity that we might not successfully reconcile. But at the same time, I don't want to hear about her dating others. Ripping people out of your life is really, really hard...but I guess it has to be done?
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 while your heart's broken and fragile, yes. When you're well on the way to mend, and you're indifferent, THEN is the time to think about possible friendship. Not before. And if she dumped you - on YOUR terms, not hers. Ignore, delete do not respond, react or reply. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. It's all there.
theonlyjuan Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Yeah, that's my mindset right now. My only detraction from that is that I feel like if we hadn't dated we could've been really good friends, so it seems like a pity that we might not successfully reconcile. But at the same time, I don't want to hear about her dating others. Ripping people out of your life is really, really hard...but I guess it has to be done? Yeah, but you can't change the past. Nah, I find it really easy. The only problem I had was when they try and make contact. I'm not rude enough to ignore someone in person. If you cut her out of your life it might give you some feeling of control over things, seeing as it's your decision
Keii Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 when you truly want the best for the other person. I'm best friends with one of my exes but only after time has passed ( 3 month r/s, took me about 6 ish months before we became friends again). We both lend each other a lot of support and are never jealous if either of us gets into a relationship. If anything we hope for the best for each other. If you really want to be friends, that's the kind of attitude you have to achieve first. My second ex and I are casual friends. We're very indifferent to each other. Friendly but not close. My current ex and I were great friends. But the BU is still fresh (6 weeks roughly after a 3.6 year r/s?) and he has initiated contact plenty of times. We're both not really over each other (his actions speak a lot louder than his words lol. claims he sees me as a friend yet gets insanely jealous if he hears of anyone hitting on me, tries to make me jealously, fishing for information etc). I'm moving on but have taken a step back. I can't be truly happy for him (yet) because I feel slightly smug at where we both are at (my grades are soaring,his are dropping. Ive been taking steps to improve,he's stagnant...etc). If you're in this kind of "friendship", I suggest you go back to NC or LC. It'll only hurt one of you in some way or the other.
KatZee Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I've only had one ex that became a friend after we broke up. That guy was my first love. Even still, I use the term "friend" loosely. Over the years our communication has tapered off to nill, so he's not even really a friend anymore. He's living with his new girlfriend, they bought a house together, so his life has moved on. Even if relationships end and you become friends, it's never going to be like, "oh hey! you're my super best friend!" It's also never fair to new partners. "Hey New Boyfriend, this is my ex boyfriend, but we're also super close and we still hang out and talk all the time!"
Recommended Posts