justdatingagain Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 OK guys, New to dating after more than a decade!! I met a guy and we have been out on two dates. The last 3 Saturday nights have been "mine" as the first Saturday we talked all night on the phone then the last two we have gone out / hung out together. I don't know if I'm being paranoid. I do have trust issues. He did initiate us going out together after talking. Then he asked me at the end of our first date if I wanted to see him again ... when I was like "I'll think about it" ... he laughed then was like "No, seriously, do you?" At the end of each date he tells me he will call me that week. I usually e-mail him the day after the date to tell him I had a good time ... then he will e-mail back to tell me so did he and that he will call me later in the week. Our schedules kind of conflict. He works really early in the AM and around the time he gets home I'm just going to work. He's going to bed around the time I get home from work. I also have kids ... so for us to go out I have to get a sitter. BUT ... the thing that does not sit well with me is that right now it seems that he will only call to make Saturday plans ... and that is it. Is this normal? OK ... so things have gotten physical really fast. I'm OK with it. I think. He was cool and could tell I was nervous and said we could wait. So he didn't pressure me, I wanted to. I feel very comforatable with him and that helps. He was very into getting me off ... it wasn't like he was just in it for himself. So after we "did the deed" ... I e-mailed him the next day about how I had a great time and how I liked it when he did "this and that" ... lol .. ya know ... to let him know it was all "good" for me. He did e-mail back and said he had a great time too, that he looked foward to seeing me again ... and that he would call me later in the week. So am I freaking out for no reason? I don't want to be the "booty call" girl. I mean he did tell me that he does not date more than one person at a time as he does not have the time / could not handle it emotionally and likes to "concentrate on one woman at a time." Now I'm not deluding myself into thinking that we have "feelings" for each other or anything like that. We are obviously attracted to each other, we do talk and seem to get along well. He has told me alot about his friends and family and such. I have been the more quiet one, not sharing as much. I have only called him twice. Once to return his call to confirm our first date ...and once on Saturday to make sure we were still getting together ... he called right back Saturday to say he had come home from work with a headache and was sleeping when I called... and yes ... he'd see me that night. So I'm really trying to play all of this cool even though I'm freaking out on the inside. So do you think that all is ok ... and that we are just in the beginning stages of this all? Should I be paitient ... should I run? HELP! BTW ... this is also an older "man" ... not a "boy" I hate this dating crap. LOL JDA
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by justdatingagain I hate this dating crap. LOL JDA you have given too much too quickly. having sex so quickly is almost always the kiss of death.
iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale you have given too much too quickly. having sex so quickly is almost always the kiss of death. I concur. You can try and hit the brakes on this, but I fear it may be too late.
Author justdatingagain Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 How they heck do you "try to hit the breaks"? I mean I am really upset. I have been in a marriage where I was faithful for 14 years. I am not a "slut" .... I'm not really sure what came over me. He knew that it had been that long since I had been with someone. Now I feel like I should just e-mail him that I made a mistake and don't want to see him again ... So basically what you Men are saying ...... you want a girl to wait. That it does not matter what kind of person she is .... if she has sex with you "too soon" ... she is trash to be discarded?? So how long is "acceptable" to wait? I'm just wondering. Chalk it up to experience I guess. So if he wants to get together again this weekend should I say no? Should I tell him I freaked out? Grrr. JDA
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by justdatingagain How they heck do you "try to hit the breaks"? By not having sex with him again for a couple months while you develop the relationship, if there is one left. I am not a "slut" .... I never said you were. So basically what you Men are saying ...... you want a girl to wait. That it does not matter what kind of person she is .... if she has sex with you "too soon" ... she is trash to be discarded?? Usually, if a girl does not hold out to have sex then the relationship is framed as only sex from the start and most men will take advantage of this. I have and I know many men who have. So how long is "acceptable" to wait? I'm just wondering. 2 to 3 months after the first date is good if you're looking for a serious relationship. So if he wants to get together again this weekend should I say no? If you like him you should get together again but point out that you both should not have had sex that early on and now you feel uncomfortable. Tell him you both need to step back a bit. hell, if you both are just lookin' for sex then go for it but that is all it will be. If you're loooking for more you need to communicate that NOW and hold off on further sex activity for a month or two. Should I tell him I freaked out? No Grrr. Brrrr....it's like 10 degrees here in Detroit.
tiki Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Sorry, I'm with alpha. Take it s-l-o-w. I porked my husband after dating for 2 months. Perfect timing! We had our first REAL kiss a week before that. But as for how often he should call, maybe once a day if it's more serious, if not, every couple-few days. Don't give out the pootie for free. Make him work for that magic!
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