truffelo Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Hello, So off course, this goes about a girl... This Summer I've met this amazing girl. I'm 26, She's 21. We had like an instant click and saw each other a few times on a short time. I felt this was something special which i hadn't felt since a long time. Nothing really happened and nothing was spoken out loud, but there was just this special feelling. But college started and it seemed she still had some troubles with her ex bf. And suddenly we lost contact which was supprisingly difficult for me. I went back to my own, stopped looking for contact with her, had a couple of dates with other woman etc, but i couldn't resist thinking a lot on that girl i've met during summer. Every weekend i hoped to see her again, but didn't happen. A month or 3 later ( maybe 2 months ago), i replied to a status update of her on facebook. Suddenly we had contact again... She liked really a lot of things back on my facebook the next weeks ( even pictures i posted more than a year ago), we started chatting now and then again, she came over at my place ( with a common friend)... But I was dating another girl during that period. So it was easy for me not to think about it too much but i felt I had to break op with the other girl could i didn't had the same feelings i felt like I had for the girl I met in the summer, not even a bit... so I did. Suddenly me and this girl were chatting like crazy. We talked about a lot and laughed a lot. She was studying for het winter examinations. I noticed how she knew a lot of things about me, I even didn't tell her. She gave me a lot of compliments like " you always make me happy" "you're like a sunshine for me" "you're the most funny guy I've ever met" " You're the most interesting person I have ever met" " I wish you were here"... So between 2 examinations she came over to my place, but I'm not a person who's very good in flirting and anyhow, it was the first the time we were alone. She arrived at 8 pm and left the next day at 4 pm. Nothing happened, we slept on a seperate couch in my living room, but talked and laughed the whole night and day. a few days later I saw her again during the afternoon. But then she took a bit distance, which was painfull for me but i didn't want to be clingy so i respected the distance. After a week she started again, asking to meet. So we did. This is one week ago. Thursday she came over my place and again stayed for 5 hours, I must say this was the first time a felt a bit tension ... but nothing happened. We aggreed i'd come over to her place on sunday. but friday she texted me in the middle of the night to see what i was doing and if i wanted to hang out with her. I was allready home from a concert but it was weekend, so i aggreed. She really had to drive more than 30 minutes, so she really took effort. Once she was at my place she suggested to stay over there, off course i aggreed. I didn't take long before she laid her head very close to me so i started to fondle her hair... after a while she started to talk about it and asked if I had feelings for her. I admitted. and said how much i liked the time we had. She said she must admit she thought about me often and she really liked me but she allready had convinced herself ( before the last weeks) she didn't want a relationship with anyone. She was afraid to lose herself in a relationship again etc. We were getting very close physical, we were fondling, hugging etc during a few hours. I tried to kiss her but she rejected and said she really wanted to but that that would ruin everything. I was 9 am before she left and she asked what i was planning to do that evening. That evening she sent me again a text message to ask if i'd come to the bar she was. I was already planning to go over there with my friends so i aggreed. It was obvious that she was there with some friends but the only reason she was there, was to see me... I saw her looking very jealous when i was talking with other girls too, so i stopped doing that and went to her. She asked to go smoking outside and took my hand. After an hour she said she wanted to go to sleep and i asked her if she wanted to stay over my place and she said "ok". Once at my place everything happened really fast. It was very passionate, it was perfect. It was like we've known each other during years but still very passionate. We fell asleep really close to each other. It was fantastic. Never felt so great. Next day (last sunday) we stayed in bed untill 4 pm and talked, laughed, hugged, made love, everything. We still had that "date" in the evening at her place and she asked if I still wanted to come, off course i aggreed. Once I was there, it was a bit awkard during a few minutes but that was over really quick. and before we knew it we were kissing again like teenagers and slept together again. She told me she did already told her friend she had never had such a great sexual experience as with me. She also told that she wasn't used to let someone soo quick so close to her Next day she sent me she was feeling strange about everything because she could handle that i could have created expectations to start a relationship. She didn't want to talk about it too much and i didn't want to talk all over that with text messages so i took a bit distance. She asked to see each other again on wednesday (yesterday), I said ok. next day she sent some sweet messages but i didn't want to answer too much. Yesterday she came over and again, it was awkward at the beginning. We didn't really talked about it. We watched a movie and after half an hour or so, we were again lying very close to each other . But she didn't gave me the opportunity to kiss her. After an hour or 5 she left again. It was a great night but off course i was somewhere disappointed. So this was a long story, i want to thank you to read it though i do know my english sucks. I really have the feeling she likes me a lot but she's very afraid to jump into a new relationship. I really Really really like this girl a lot. She's funny, smart,sweet, beautiful, sexy, social, interesting, great taste. I really want to try to do this right. This girl is really worth a lot for me what do you guys think, suggest?
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Shes a gamer. This girl was trying to jump you from the start. You seemed a little awkward so she did the take away to make you come out of your shell. For some girls really good sex is a problem. They feel out of control for a few days. I'm actually dealing with this exact thing right now. This girl really likes you though. And it sounds like she is amazing! Don't worry about the no chance to kiss thing. She just had to spend time with you and not have sex one night to feel better about herself and more in control. Her feelings for you got too intense too quick. The sex pushed it over the edge and she hit the panic button. The main thing is to make her feel safe with you. She is scaring herself right now. Hopefully, someone else has good advice for you. I'm actually on this board with the same situation. My strategy right now is keep having fun, dont worry about pushing a relationship, and let her come to me when shes ready to move it up.
Author truffelo Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 what do you mean that really good sex is a problem for girls?
Author truffelo Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 i must admit i really don't have the feeling she's a player... i have the feeling she's just really scared 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 She said you were the best sex she has ever had. That means something to a girl. They don't find that every day and according to the girls I know they put up with a lot of really lame sex. She already really liked you. And she was already scared to get hurt. Then the sex made her feel even a deeper bond with you. And boom you have full on panic. I am in the same boat my friend. My feeling is that the girl is either going to run away or run to you. And there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. She already knows your really into her so you cant put that genie back in the bottle. All you can really do is have the lets take it slow, no expectations, and lets just enjoy each other talk. And try to take the pressure off until she feels comfortable opening up.
BradJacobs Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Why are you acting so aloof with this girl? If you like her then show her. 1
Chocolat Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 what do you mean that really good sex is a problem for girls? Really good sex is... really good sex! Sure, if it dovetails with emotional and intellectual compatibility, then she's hit the trifecta, but I don't think that's a problem. If you care for her, let her know. You've spent enough time together that it is ok to do so. Necessary, even.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Really good sex is... really good sex! Sure, if it dovetails with emotional and intellectual compatibility, then she's hit the trifecta, but I don't think that's a problem. If you care for her, let her know. You've spent enough time together that it is ok to do so. Necessary, even. He has told her he has feelings for her. She told him that it scared her and she doesn't feel comfortable starting a relationship. She stated she was closed down before him and surprised she let him in at all so quickly. Maybe I'm missing something here. But if she is scared already what is repeatedly telling her how much he likes her going to do? Seems to me like she needs a breath not more pressure. She already knows he is into her obviously. She didn't expect to fall for him so quick. She is scared of being hurt. She pulls back and gives him warnings. Maybe, I'm biased because when women come on too strong and I'm not sure where I'm at I usually bail pretty fast.
Author truffelo Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Why are you acting so aloof with this girl? If you like her then show her. what does "acting aloof with a girl" mean? sorry, i'm not english
BradJacobs Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 what does "acting aloof with a girl" mean? sorry, i'm not english You have allowed this girl to lead the relationship. Time to step up and take control. Otherwise stop complaining that it isn't going the way that you want.
Author truffelo Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 ok i understand i find it hard to find a good balance. I don't want to take too much the lead, because i don't want to be the clingy one. I don't want to force her. I know this sound strange but i don't want to be the guy who always starts conversations, take initiative. What I've experienced already in this thing we have, is that if i start to give her a lot of attention, and ask to meet, she becomes a bit more distance it's hard to find a balance i just want to giver her space it's not that if she sends me to meet, i would cancel other things
Author truffelo Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 so an update... so last time we've met was exactly a week ago... when we were back to cuddling but nothing more etc... Days after i heard her frequently, We aggreed we'd probally see each other friday or saturday but she cancelled both last minute. Sunday,monday i haven't heard her. Yesterday in the afternoon she sent a message if i was home and if she could come over. When I said i'd be home within 1-2 hours she didn't really answer again. Today she asks again if she can come over to my place when she takes out her sisters dog... i said ok. But this is all so strange.
Author truffelo Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Yesterday we had "the talk"... She stated that she was always feeling so comfortabel and good once she was with me but that she was always extremely nervous when she thinks she is going to see me. She also said she really was crazy about me, allready from the first moment she met me but that she's very scared about that. She's afraid everything would turn out wrong once we would start a real relationship and she would lose me after a few weeks. She also said that was afraid that I was going to be very dissappointed in her once i get to know her better. She has obviously somehow a fear to commit...
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 She is really into you my friend. And she is terrified of rejection. If you want her to settle down she has to trust you. You need to convince her that you want her and only her. And she has to believe you. Then her guard will come down and things get easier. If your falling in love with her you need to let her know.
Author truffelo Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I think i made that clear and that was not the first time. the only thing i can do for now is being patient and see where it goes i'll see where we stand within a month or so.
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