What's there to do?

[TheyCallMeOx]

My ex-girlfriend and I argued a lot during the relationship, and there came a point where things started to get physical. One day, an argument escalated and she ended up pushing me harder than usual. The first times it's happened where she'd physically push me, I'd barely budge and wouldn't really affect me. I can't remember how many times she did it, but I know that it's happened before. This time, however, she pushed me over the ledge and I ended up pushing back.

 

She claims that I hit her. How the hell can you say that you were hit when you were pushed? In my mind, she pushed me pretty hard, so I ended up pushing her pretty hard.

 

In my mind, it's not okay to push anyone too hard or at all unless in self-defense. Because she pissed me off and pushed me, my instant reaction was to push back. Yeah, I'm stronger than she was but she was more affected than I was. To this day, she probably talks about it a lot -- she said that if her mom found out, she would've killed me. Why is that I'm the bad guy and she isn't? I don't understand.

 

I've been dealing with anger issues for YEARS. When I fell in love, I toned it down but even when I was being polite...certain family members that regularly tried to push my buttons, they would comment on my anger issues if I had any hint of aggression.

 

These days, I literally have to have a smile on my face, or a neutral facial expression or else I suddenly become the bad guy. My dad, for instance, threw a shoe at me several months ago. He has more aggression than I do. However, I don't even know what's appropriate anymore. Am I not allowed to express myself? I get so scared expressing myself that when I'm confronted, my aggression gets so built up that I'm smiling or calmly explaining myself when, deep down, I want to punch the person who confronted me in the face.

 

What is the right thing? There is so much negativity in my household that it's infecting. I feel like one day I'm going to explode from all this repressed frustration with certain family members that it's going to result in something unhealthy.

 

What the hell am I supposed to do these days?

[Mr Scorpio]

What the hell am I supposed to do these days?

 

 

Lift heavy things, then go for a run, then take a hot shower.

[tlegend]

My ex-girlfriend and I argued a lot during the relationship, and there came a point where things started to get physical. One day, an argument escalated and she ended up pushing me harder than usual. The first times it's happened where she'd physically push me, I'd barely budge and wouldn't really affect me. I can't remember how many times she did it, but I know that it's happened before. This time, however, she pushed me over the ledge and I ended up pushing back.

 

She claims that I hit her. How the hell can you say that you were hit when you were pushed? In my mind, she pushed me pretty hard, so I ended up pushing her pretty hard.

 

In my mind, it's not okay to push anyone too hard or at all unless in self-defense. Because she pissed me off and pushed me, my instant reaction was to push back. Yeah, I'm stronger than she was but she was more affected than I was. To this day, she probably talks about it a lot -- she said that if her mom found out, she would've killed me. Why is that I'm the bad guy and she isn't? I don't understand.

 

I've been dealing with anger issues for YEARS. When I fell in love, I toned it down but even when I was being polite...certain family members that regularly tried to push my buttons, they would comment on my anger issues if I had any hint of aggression.

 

These days, I literally have to have a smile on my face, or a neutral facial expression or else I suddenly become the bad guy. My dad, for instance, threw a shoe at me several months ago. He has more aggression than I do. However, I don't even know what's appropriate anymore. Am I not allowed to express myself? I get so scared expressing myself that when I'm confronted, my aggression gets so built up that I'm smiling or calmly explaining myself when, deep down, I want to punch the person who confronted me in the face.

 

What is the right thing? There is so much negativity in my household that it's infecting. I feel like one day I'm going to explode from all this repressed frustration with certain family members that it's going to result in something unhealthy.

 

What the hell am I supposed to do these days?

 

 

First, I want to relate to you. I have anger issues as well, and in the past (and every so often now), I can fly off the handle if something angers me enough.

 

Now, I'm going to tell you what I have adopted that seriously has helped me. I'm not even kidding. And if you laugh at me, I pity you.

 

A close family member of mine was an alcoholic with anger issues as well. He struggled with it for the better part of his life. However, he got it under control finally, but late it his life.

 

He taught me a prayer they use in AA. Sure....you may not be an alcoholic, but take the prayer with the meaning associated with it, not where it's taught!

 

If you find yourself getting worked up, and you know when that is...I know you know, you need to force yourself to take a physical step back. Literally, don't take a mental step. Physically place 1 foot behind and take a step back. This allows you to quite literally "step back" from the situation. Then say this:

 

"God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

 

You don't have to say it out loud. You don't have to show someone you're doing this in your head...but seriously take about 10 seconds to only filter that prayer in your head. Truly think about the meaning of that prayer and then apply it to your situation.

 

You'll find that after 10 seconds of truly allowing that prayer to marinate in your head, you'll be a bit more calm and better able to deal with the situation at hand without allowing yourself to reach your boiling point.

 

It's worked for me for a few years. I've had a couple slip ups...mostly when I was *****-faced. I tend to not drink that much anymore to prevent that problem.