Shroo Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Hello Everyone. I have a specific question to ask: Should I do it or not? We were going out for couple of months before the break up on his part via Facebook (coward). Kind of seen it coming ( as wanted to talk about it myself) but, at the same time, wasn't really sure why it happened. Anyway, NC for couple of weeks or months before just a random msg which he replied and then, once the conversation starts to flow - he just disappears. Fair enough, I wasn't really looking for an answers. We are still friends of fb. After around 4 moths we started talking via texts after me just sending a random congratulate text to everyone , including him. He was flirty and invited to cinema and so on but led with sexy talks a bit. I was just making it wavy as it is not that easy and i am not that easy. I was texting first about something that did not require really an answer but he always did and started conversations. It was all flirty and that but he was hinting he wanted to meet and almost always it suggested him to come to my house ( don't think so, pal!). We agreed to meet once ( he invited) on neutral grounds - he made an excuse. Agreed second time ( he invited again) - made an excuse ( which I knew about because he just got too predictable). He was always leading with sex and coming to my house but I steered away and wanted to meet on neutral grounds, just to see how it would go. Anyway, long story short I got tired of his mixed signalling - when i text he texts back and it pleasant and so on, except the sex talk part. I, for one, just want to meet and have a bit of closure as on fb break up text didn't explain much, even though i felt like I needed to work on stuff as well and agreed that there was bad timing and all. Now we texted again and he just ignored me mid conversation and when i texted that he has bad behaviour, we ended up having a bit of flirtatious condo until he brought sex again when I just blew it with humour - he went silent. I texted him and phoned - no reply. ll i want now ( and this is the question part now) is to say to him in the right mind that I will not tolerate a behaviour like that, I knew him better and his attitude before. It;s like two different people. Should I sent him this text and walk away head held high - as a strike back telling him I am not tolerating this. I did some mistakes when we started going out and I worked on them for the better of me. Now, I just want to meet him and say that I am not an option and won't be treated like one as there is plenty of that, nothing special. Wanted to do it in person but, I am guessing, this is not happening. Should I sent a text saying this ( no swearing or anything, calm structured text to get the point move on) or just leave it. The reason I want to do it is to let him know I can stood up for myself and not just run away to lick the wounds. As they say : no man understands hints so you need to tell him exactly what is wrong, otherwise he will think it is fine. What is everyone's opinion on this? I am sick and tired of his behaviour, even thought I am texting first, but I thought, in the beginning, we might get back together, or…something else, not sure. I just want to show that I am self respected woman and won't tolerate his actions… Thank you!
Zahara Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I'm sorry to say you have done nothing to preserve your self-respect by continually pursuing this man, even when you know all he wants is sex. He's not your friend, he doesn't deserve a second chance and you certainly need to cut contact and move on. HE broke up with you. It isn't your responsibility to win him back, it's his. And who he was when you first started dating isn't the same person that dumped you via FB. People are on their best behavior when trying to woo you. The person that dumped you cowardly over FB is who he is. The person that keeps trying to have sex with you is who he is. And you have been tolerating it because you keep engaging. Stop playing these games. Stop trying to make him come around. Stop trying to make him into something he cannot be. You want to preserve your self-respect and walk away with you head held high then implement NC and move on. The only thing that you have done is reveal to him that you are still hooked and affected. 2
Author Shroo Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 I totally understand and, in the beginning I wanted, him back, but after he started talking all sexual and stuff, I wasn't sure if I need a 'man' like that in my life. I wasn't sure ( and still not sure now) why I want to talk to him and have him in my life, especially if he acts like that. There ate people after break ups who continue to he atleast on good terms and still respect each other, right?! Or these days it is a very rare thing? I am going NC and just moving ine with my life, which I did until the flirt started again. If he wants just sex, this is my guess. The question still remains, do I send a text woth saying it is not acceptable to behave like this towards and just cut all contact with him or just completely run away and NC? I As you may notice I do want to send the text back ( to actually show him I can stand up to myself and speak up) and walk away than just walk away without saying anything like a lost puppy. FYI, NC and moving on is the plan in both scenarios, I know this part
Zahara Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) Yes, there are people that break up and still remain civil, respecting each other through the process. The thing is, he doesn't respect you! The only thing he wants from you is sex. You're an object to him. If he respected you, he would have been decent and kind by at least calling you to end it. Instead he used FB and then now has the audacity to try and get sex from you. You keep in contact because you still have hope. You still want him back. Everytime you break contact, you hope this time he'll be different. No on the text. He deserves nothing. He wants sex. He doesn't care what's acceptable to you. If he cared he wouldn't do it after the first time you told him not to. You think telling him will change him or make him realize he's losing you. The thing is, he let you go. If you want to make a point, make it to yourself. You don't need to send a text to tell someone you have self-respect. You show them by ignoring them. You do it by throwing the garbage out and moving on. Silence says it all. Edited February 13, 2014 by Zahara
Author Shroo Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Thank you! I have decided to let it go as he is not worth my time and by sending a text it is just saying that I still think and he gets to me. It is true, he does but he doesnt need to know that - moving on thank you for your help, I will work on my respect and love for myself and eliminate all the garbage in my life - who ever puts me down and makes me feel and think I am not worth it! It is his loss after all! 1
Zahara Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Thank you! I have decided to let it go as he is not worth my time and by sending a text it is just saying that I still think and he gets to me. It is true, he does but he doesnt need to know that - moving on thank you for your help, I will work on my respect and love for myself and eliminate all the garbage in my life - who ever puts me down and makes me feel and think I am not worth it! It is his loss after all! Good for you! You sound strong and determined. Continue on that path and soon enough you'll say to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking dealing with that clown!" You deserve better!
Author Shroo Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Good for you! You sound strong and determined. Continue on that path and soon enough you'll say to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking dealing with that clown!" You deserve better! I think that ALL the time since he broke up with me via FB… I was shocked and stunned and hurt and all the rest but, for some reason, I still kept hoping or playing things in my mind and wanted him as a positive in my life… Why, i have got no clue what so ever? Why he is stuck in my head even when I know whatever is going on is not right and this is definitely not what I want to settle for… some things you just can't explain, for me, this is definitely one of them… Even now i still have the feeling this is not the end of it but hey, this ship has sailed to "enjoy-life-and-move-on-land" =) whatever happens - happens but for now my priority is me!!! Thank you very much for your help and insight, Zahara.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 He's stuck in your head because you're emotionally attached. You're idealizing the guy based on who he was when you first met him. So you're still holding on to an image eventhough the reality of him isn't so nice. You've built him up in your head so you keep hoping and trying to keep it alive hoping that it'll go back to what it was. It's normal to do that and it's normal to still pine for a clown. You're still emotionally invested. There's nothing wrong with you. You're most welcome. Prioritize yourself and your healing. You're going to get through this.
Author Shroo Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I guess so, however, before, it was all ok for me - I was in a good place, moving on, building confidence and was so much full of life. I guess, it all changed when we started talking again…Not much when we started talking but when he started acting like a total idiot and jerk… well, the solution is simple and NC is what I am going to do…if he cares ( which I doubt greatly) it is him who needs to make an effort, if not - I am not losing anything. Focusing on my life and coming out as a confident woman, what is so bad about that? Thank you! 1
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