superb Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I'm not sure how it's possible to not be emotional in a dating sense or while being with someone. You know, it seems that men fear emotion in women and try to avoid it at all costs. Do we really have to play games? I'm 35 and not getting any younger. Women? Do you have game while you're dating? (men we know you do lol)
soccerrprp Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Women, for the most part, cannot separate their emotions from dating. Men don't have game, they're simply wired differently and unfortunately, less interested in a LTR especially when young. Men use the fact that women are more emotional to their advantage....of course, there are always exceptions. 1
Author superb Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 I don't think we fear emotion in women? Obviously not every man. Every man I've met though...only gives so much then pulls back and disengages when things get too heavy. Makes me seriously think that men desire to be treated bad. Idk. I'm obviously very confused. 1
Chico333 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 It depends on the person. I've learned to feel out the other person before deciding how to treat the dating relationship and sometimes it can be hard when I think my own feelings may be stronger than theirs, which in that case then yes I play along with the "game." If you don't want to play the game then by all means don't and if that person doesn't respond the way you want, then it wasn't meant to be. I've never been good at playing the dating game, which is why I have had one long term relationship after another. I've been dating for a while now and getting used to it. Being uncomfortable is just part of the dating process. It's no fun unless there's some butterflies, anxiousness, and excitement involved but, I do understand coming from the perspective that I'm not getting any younger. So far I feel it's been playing in my favor and think I've got myself a good one crossing my fingers. In my opinion it all depends on what YOU want and how much you respect yourself and the other person.
pickflicker Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I'm not sure how it's possible to not be emotional in a dating sense or while being with someone. You know, it seems that men fear emotion in women and try to avoid it at all costs. Do we really have to play games? I'm 35 and not getting any younger. Women? Do you have game while you're dating? (men we know you do lol) Spread the emotion around. Date more than one guy. I've tried everything, and this is the only thing that works - in the intitial stages, before monogamy, date different guys. 4
Author superb Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Spread the emotion around. Date more than one guy. I've tried everything, and this is the only thing that works - in the intitial stages, before monogamy, date different guys. Well...I'm not dating anyway. Doesn't hurt to gain insight though just incase I try againlater.
StanMusial Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Date ugly poor guys. Should fix you right up.
HappyLove Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I used to go through this also until I figured out you have to date more than one. Then your not too invested in one guy with clouded judgement when he lets you down. It's the only thing that works. Until your committed to only one guy if course. 1
Author superb Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Date ugly poor guys. Should fix you right up. My thoughts exactly
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I've gotten more in tune with my emotions, and more trusting of them, with maturity. Your emotions spring from instincts and give you a lot of information. Don't ever let anybody make you feel bad for being "too emotional". Women are emotional by nature, and our emotions and instincts serve as valuable and even life-saving guides. I think "gaming" romantic prospects is a dead end. If you have to game someone to keep them interested or get them to do what you want, it's never going to last, anyway. 3
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I'm not sure how it's possible to not be emotional in a dating sense or while being with someone. You know, it seems that men fear emotion in women and try to avoid it at all costs. Do we really have to play games? I'm 35 and not getting any younger. Women? Do you have game while you're dating? (men we know you do lol) I am not sure I understand your question. What do you call being emotional? you mean crying for nothing or feeling fast for the guy? I don't play games, I just am myself. Maybe what works in my favor is it takes time for me to fall for someone and I am quite independent and need my time alone so no I am not 'emotional' quickly.
Weezy1973 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 You should actually be embracing emotion. If you want to live a full, rich, life, then there will ultimately be ups and downs. But if you try to "remove" the negative, you also succeed in removing the positive. You can't find love and protect your heart at the same time.
nomadic_butterfly Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I'm not sure how it's possible to not be emotional in a dating sense or while being with someone. You know, it seems that men fear emotion in women and try to avoid it at all costs. Do we really have to play games? I'm 35 and not getting any younger. Women? Do you have game while you're dating? (men we know you do lol) I don't have a "game." In fact, I hate the dumb rules most people are inclined to play by. I live by transparency. If we like each other, we show it (even more so than tell it). I will say I refuse to let my guards down enough to be emotionally invested until I am sure the guy and I are on the same people and the feelings/perspective is requited. I am very very logical. Even if I really like someone and then they show hesitance or if they don't seem that into me I close the chapter and move on. If I, also in the midst of dating figure out there's a massive difference in values/beliefs in something very important I will break it off. I don't believe in trying to change people's minds about certain things. You should be free to be you, and I to be me. You can't go wrong with being true to "self" unless "self" is self-destructive, undiscerning, impractical, poor judgement of character, etc. I say if you are transparent, find another transparent person. If you hate games, find someone who hates them too and take it from there. I try to find people with congruent attitudes, philosophies and behaviors for serious bf potential.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Keep them guessing early it works, at least it does on me. If someone comes on too strong too soon its a turn off. It makes you feel like they must be of low worth because you know you haven't earned that level of feeling. I hate stereotyping but... Men and women are usually thinking about different things at the beginning of the relationship. Men are gauging how attractive, intelligent, fun, and sexy you are. Then we spend a lot of time developing our strategy to get you into bed. Women tend to gauge much of the same thing. But then while we are thinking of how to get you in the sheets your thinking what kind of mate we might make. Your usually 5 steps ahead of us when sex happens. Your already there by the time you make that decision. And start moving the relationship along according to your plan. We have to start over because sex was our goal. And we move back because now we have to catch up.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 1) Open an OLD account 2) Go on 100 first dates It will become so robotic that you will wish you felt some emotion again. I never got attached through sex so no problem there. I think that wisdom comes with age and you just learn to keep your walls up until pretty late in the game and beyond sex or exclusivity.. I switched into the "I am evaluating them" mode instead of fearing that they are evaluating me. I still get mildly disappointed but it goes away in 24 hours or less. I get far more depressed over work/career issues. Men are kind of like buses 1
Poppygoodwill Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I don't think of it as removing emotion from dating, but more a case of showing it in measured stages. ie. not attaching too fast, or asking too much, or overwhelming someone with your own emotional needs before the relationship has progressed to the point where that's natural and expected. I agree that dating more than one person can help you achieve a more moderate approach to emotional attachment. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I switched into the "I am evaluating them" mode instead of fearing that they are evaluating me. Yes, this. I think perhaps the too emotional=too attached. Basically that's the game that must be played. Prevent yourself from doing that however you need to. Too attached is invested too much before a guy has earned that. And frankly, no wonder they don't get it. It doesn't make sense other than the fact that many women do it. Even if you are more attached than you should be, don't show it before you are on same page with each other. Which really is not a game--it's normal rational, attractive behavior. Just put yourself in the other person's shoes or imagine it as a friendship, if one party is too fawning & falling all over themselves to please you or move the friendship from new acquaintances to besties, you want to run. 1
Emilia Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I think everyone plays games to a degree. I try to keep emotions under check during the first 2 months and distract myself with sport, my friends, etc (not other men, I don't believe in multi-dating). I watch out for consistency etc in his behaviour and I love a chat and banter but not really anything too lovey-dovey until I know him better. I also split bills so I don't feel he is treating me. Just a little distance while maintaining regular contact if that makes sense. The thing is though, the fact that I'm a generally rational person seems to get emotional men drawn to me. Probably because I try to keep a lid on things, they are more comfortable as I'm direct and can be confrontational but don't engage in emotional games (passive-aggressive, push-pull, etc). So yes I hear that women are more emotional but my personal experience, as someone more rational and logical, is that men are emotional too. Sometimes annoyingly so 2
Poppygoodwill Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I find this too. I"m a pretty rational type and happy in my own life and busy with my own thing. I invite men into my world, but I continue on with my life and all my friends and so on. I find men to be quite emotional and declaring themselves and their feelings. But maybe this is the normal see-saw of life - people balance each other off so if you have one who is more open and emotional, they'll find someone who is more reserved with their emotions. BTW, I don't consider it game playing to keep your emotions in check and more or less to yourself until you decide whether or not this person is for you and find out whether you are for them. It's healthy IMHO, and appropriate. 2
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