barbossa Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) I sometimes say things I or other people find funny but sometime some girls find offensive sometimes girls laugh and its a good joke so i use similar or the same humor with other people. Today at a social function i used humor i thought was harmless but a girl was offended (I try to use humor to break the ice or just be humorous i never intentionally try to offend anyone. ) while standing with a guy and a girl i just briefly met, i told the guy that "if only i was as good looking as you i could pull off such an outfit too" he laughed and said i was good looking. then i responded and said that means a lot coming from you, ________ (her name) told me i am good looking three times but it means so much more coming from you bad taste? maybe. unfunny. OK. But could you be offended by that? I thought i was being friendly and funny. poking fun at myself not at others. Should i just stop trying to make girls laugh? What part of my humor needs to be fixed? Someone later told me she was offended. we had awkward eye contact after that. Edited February 13, 2014 by barbossa
MidwestUSA Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I don't quite get it. It wasn't really self deprecation, which a lot of people use. You basically told her her opinion was worthless (I know she never actually gave it). It just comes across as weird, sorry. You kinda implied that you're gay, LOL! 5
oohlala Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 LOL I think that's funny, but I have a quirky sense of humor. I always think it's cool/brave when someone takes a hit on their "masculinity" for the joke to work out (implying you're "gay" by American cultural standards, which I think is ridiculous but that's another conversation). But, I'm prob atypical of most women. I think she was being overly sensitive.
MidwestUSA Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 LOL I think that's funny, but I have a quirky sense of humor. I always think it's cool/brave when someone takes a hit on their "masculinity" for the joke to work out (implying you're "gay" by American cultural standards, which I think is ridiculous but that's another conversation). But, I'm prob atypical of most women. I think she was being overly sensitive. Hmm, yea. I can see that. Hadn't thought it out too well. I missed the point completely, doh! My bad. Yea, a bit over sensitive. Or just uncomfortable with the topic of homosexuality.
gaius Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I think there were several errors on the play. A) Don't be subservient to other men, even in a joking fashion. It's the quickest way to turn women off. B) Don't be so presumptuous with women you've just met and feel comfortable putting words in their mouth. C) Certainly don't combine the two and suggest in front of everyone that she's attracted to the guy who's being subservient to other men, it would put her at the bottom rung of the social ladder at the party. Ruining her desirability for a lot of the other men there. It's like if a girl came up to you and started joking in front of everyone about how she saw you dating a really fat woman. Some guys might roll with it but most wouldn't find it funny if they were interested in some of the women there. 4
oohlala Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I dunno...if your sense of humor is a big part of who you are I wouldn't change it, the right woman will think you're hilarious and that (at least for women like me) can be a huge turn on. Daniel Tosh frequently takes the hit on his masculinity and "gay" assumptions for his joke to work out, and I'd bang him with the heat of a thousand suns.
TheGuard13 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Some people are easily offended. And not everyone has the same sense of humor. 1
gaius Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I dunno...if your sense of humor is a big part of who you are I wouldn't change it, the right woman will think you're hilarious and that (at least for women like me) can be a huge turn on. Daniel Tosh frequently takes the hit on his masculinity and "gay" assumptions for his joke to work out, and I'd bang him with the heat of a thousand suns. He has his own TV show.
superb Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I don't quite get it. It wasn't really self deprecation, which a lot of people use. You basically told her her opinion was worthless (I know she never actually gave it). It just comes across as weird, sorry. You kinda implied that you're gay, LOL! I agree lol
BlametheIrish Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) " while standing with a guy and a girl i just briefly met, i told the guy that "if only i was as good looking as you i could pull off such an outfit too" he laughed and said i was good looking. then i responded and said that means a lot coming from you, ________ (her name) told me i am good looking three times but it means so much more coming from you" _________________________________ I enjoy all types of humor from the pervy stuff to.PG. It just seems rude to.me that you put her down and brought yourself up in the same short conversation. If I overheard this conversation I might be thinking to.myself "What a dick" That kind of humor is usually reserved for friends who.know eacth other For instance, my best male friend refers to me as "Jew nose" (sorry if that offends anyone). My nickname for him is probably worse lol. However he would never call a stranger such an offensive name. He knows it could offend someone so he doesn't just say whatever he thinks is funny, he censors himself. Now your offense is much.lesser than calling someone a horrible name but it was still.mean imo. Edited February 13, 2014 by BlametheIrish 1
HokeyReligions Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Awe heck I offend people all the time with my humor. I thought it was funny and had I been the girl I probably would have fed off your line and added my own comments. You can't make everyone laugh. Those that don't - oh well.
bubbaganoosh Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 There's nothing wrong with having a sense of humor. I have a killer sense of humor and use it quite a bit, but I guess it comes down to that there's a time and place for everything. Not to mention that there are some people who don't have a humorous bone in their body and you might have run in to someone that day who doesn't share you humor.
StanMusial Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 It would only be funny to me personally, if she had actually said it three times. Otherwise it does kind of come off as awkward. Maybe she didn't want people thinking she had said those things. Or to get pulled into an awkward joke and used as a prop. 3
Notsure_9 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 People get offended way too easily. Some of my friends and I have actually offended other people who were not involved just listening to our conversation...I mean really who does that. But it takes a lot to offend me and I love when people make funny little comments and you can play off them but I'm not your normal girl. I say if that's you and you like making your jokes and stuff you go for it people shouldn't be so sensitive! Just my opinion
D-Lish Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I would have laughed at something like that had I been the girl in that scenario. It's really only something a confident guy would say. The fact that the banter was a bit awkward made it funnier. Some people won't get you, but don't change... The people that laugh with you are keepers- the ones that don't, are fodder for future inappropriate jokes. 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 That joke goes over way better if you have been talking with her for awhile. But it doesnt seem like you had any chemistry yet. Hence she was like who is this dude talking crap over here?? Turn off If you tried it after talking for a bit then it may have come off great. Just a timing issue not an issue with your sense of humor.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I also can't pull off jokes a lot. I have a serious personality and I guess not much charisma. I've basically given up trying to joke around except with people who know and understand me well. I'm guessing you might have a similar problem. People with a lot of charisma can get away with even terrible insults, but we often can't tell a well-intended joke. It's unfair but that's how it is.
todreaminblue Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 It would make me uncomfortable to hear a guy class himself lower than another guy with any aspect of masuclinity aesthetically or emotionally........i wouldnt be offended i would feel sympathy for the guy who put himself down even if it was intended as a joke......sympathy kills any attraction....and makes me want to fix things or people hence i feel uncomfortable letting it ride as i feel i have to rectify a situation....stick up for them....but thats me..i went out with a guy once half for sympathetic reasons, the other half to get other guys off my back i didnt fix him at all....it was a mistake....deb
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Its just using the right joke at the right time. If that girl had complimented him already and the other guys was C-blocking then it woulda been perfect. Here is something I said the other week. Not to pick the girl up just having fun and enjoying a night out. Beautiful girl wearing a pretty hot black top. I walk up and say, "Your not going to believe this but I almost wore that same top tonight!". She laughs and says, "Oh yeah you should have you woulda looked so hot". I say, "Yeah I love it, it really shows off my cleavage... drives the girls wild!". Then we got into this whole thing of who it would look better on. Stopped people and took a survey etc. Ended up having a super fun time with her. At the end she gave me her number so that we could make sure we dont wear the same thing next time she goes to that place. So if you have a good sense of humor and it seems like you do its all about timing and using the right humor. Its pretty similar to what you did but if you look close you will see a whole different message I'm sending. 2
Author barbossa Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 I don't quite get it. It wasn't really self deprecation, which a lot of people use. You basically told her her opinion was worthless (I know she never actually gave it). It just comes across as weird, sorry. You kinda implied that you're gay, LOL! I poke fun of myself which in my opinion is the safest route the guy laughed but she got offended by it? wtf? gay is better than a girl wrongly thinking i like her
Author barbossa Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 It would only be funny to me personally, if she had actually said it three times. Otherwise it does kind of come off as awkward. Maybe she didn't want people thinking she had said those things. Or to get pulled into an awkward joke and used as a prop. I understand that, but why gossip about and make a big deal over bad joke?
Emilia Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I understand that, but why gossip about and make a big deal over bad joke? I'm guessing she is young. I use humour to work out guys, those that take offence easily I write off as 'takes himself too seriously' and move on. I like good natured guys. She was just some uptight idiot, plenty of those around.
Author barbossa Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 It would make me uncomfortable to hear a guy class himself lower than another guy with any aspect of masuclinity aesthetically or emotionally........i wouldnt be offended i would feel sympathy for the guy who put himself down even if it was intended as a joke......sympathy kills any attraction....and makes me want to fix things or people hence i feel uncomfortable letting it ride as i feel i have to rectify a situation....stick up for them....but thats me..i went out with a guy once half for sympathetic reasons, the other half to get other guys off my back i didnt fix him at all....it was a mistake....deb I was not hitting on her, Just making a joke.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Your joke reminds me of the advice in that book for guys about how to get really gorgeous women to go out with you...I can't remember what it's called, but it made the rounds a few years ago. Basically the strategy is to put them down and ignore them in front of other people, with the theory that this will make you intriguing and interesting because they're so used to having men fawn over them. Your joke was at her expense, which was presumptous of you upon a first meeting. You'll have to accept that it's your type of humour and some people will think you're a jerk because of it. 1
Trimmer Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) B) Don't be so presumptuous with women you've just met and feel comfortable putting words in their mouth. C) Certainly don't combine the two and suggest in front of everyone that she's attracted to the guy who's being subservient to other men, it would put her at the bottom rung of the social ladder at the party. I agree with this. Putting words in her mouth, for the benefit of your joke. That's making her an accomplice when you don't even know her yet: presumptuous. And whether you think you were poking fun at yourself or not, the fact is that for the purpose of your joke, you made her a throwaway prop: you used her - and the joke didn't particularly put her in a good light - and then you discarded her. And for all the people who say 'people are too easily offended', you have to grant that she obviously didn't react and throw a shxt-fit right on the scene, did she? As a matter of fact, she kept it quiet enough so the OP didn't even realize he'd offended her in the moment, did he? Having said that, she's entitled to her feelings - you can't say "she shouldn't be offended" - the question is, how did she react, and she just let it go by. How much more can you ask of a person? Finally, as to why she "gossiped" about it? All we know is that she shared it with ONE person (maybe more, but we can only be sure it was one), and it must have been that person who gossiped about it. So I don't fault the woman for "being offended". It obviously wasn't too bad because she didn't react at the time, and it was someone else who had to come tell the OP about it, so... Edited February 13, 2014 by Trimmer 2
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