11111111 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Ok this is going to be a long one and i'll try to keep it to just the facts: Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 8 years. We met in the first few weeks of uni when we were 18 through a mutual friend whos halls I went round to, then we went to a club. We hit it off instantly but I wasn't really aware that she fancied me, itd been 2 years since id even kissed a girl! We were dancin in the club and I leaned down to talk to her and she kissed me, then a few ppl went back to her room and we watched a movie and she was feeling me up under the covers and when everyone left I stayed. I was a virgin and I'd had some drugs so I wasn't exactly in the right state to do it, couldnt even put a condom on! but we still did other stuff (which i had done before) and it was really good and i stayed the nite. We continued to go out and party and fool around, and I didnt really have any interest in any other women cos I thought it was great that she'd shown so much interest in me and it meant alot becuase ive never been particularily great with girls. a few girlfriends, but nothing too meaningful. Anyway so we kept on going out partying with uni friends and fooling around, spending days in bed together etc and hangin out alot. I was still so nervous about sex and she waited for me for a good few months but it happened in the end. When we were first getting together she had been sleeping with this guy (she took his virginity too!) but she didnt want to be with him really. it felt great to be the one she chose! A few months later she texted me and said she thought she was falling in love with me, and she thought this would scare me away but I wanted to be with her. I'd been with a girl for a few months at the end of school but nothing long term. and I think my ex had just ****ed a few ppl really. So we finished the first year of uni n she ****ed it up n failed, she chose to transfer to a uni nearby,not sure if it was to be with me solely or me and other friends. So we went thru uni still very much in love with each other, her parents live in another country so in the holidays we wud miss each other alot. Ill always remember the feeling of being so glad that she was my girl, it didnt matter that we were so far apart cos we both cudnt wait to c each other and all we wanted was eahc other. I really believed we were guna get married and have kids.id b proud for her to b the mother of my children. After uni i went back to live with my parents for about a year, and kinda same with her. i got a **** job, had a few good times without her but still always had that great feeling that she was there waitin for me. After about a year I moved down to live with her (in her families small flat). We ended up living with her 2 sisters, mum and nephew! bit crowded and her family were going thru alot of pain with custody of the child and post traumatic stress, and ill health. I didnt mind living with her family too much, we get along, they were very good to me. I was a bit of a slob, never washed my own clothes, didnt do much washing up, room was a mess. I still felt really in love with her. I was working and she was studying and helpin her family out. I really wanted to just be living with her. Just wanted to b able to **** loudly and do whatever we wanted! but we didnt have the money. We used to go out and have a good time, usually with non-mutual friends, often with her friends from her new uni. It was still good (I think!) but we couldve done so much more, we lived in london and theres loads to do. So she finished uni and she was helpin out her family for quite a while before lookin for a job, this annoyed me a bit cos i wanted to c her successful. I used to bitch about her family to her, I couldnt understand their attitude, theyre bitter and i couldnt understand y they dont just try and b positive. I started a new course at uni cos I hadnt found a decent job yet, so worked weekends and studied in the week. We didnt c too much of each other since by now she had found a job mon-fri. After my second year of uni I managed to get an internship at a company about 50 miles away, so we moved to a place halfway between both. This wasnt ideal as she had to get the train to work whereas before it was easy for her to get the tube and we cud come home on the night bus at any time if we went out. It wasnt a particularily nice flat n we dont know anyone round here, not much to do, bit run down. not exactly where u want to be if youve been livin in a nice area of london! By this point I was noticing she was goin a bit cold on me.I thought now that we had a place of our own that itd b a sexfest! I guess she wasnt feeling it. It wasnt ideal for me but i was just happy to b with her. so we had very little sex, didnt talk too much, i felt i had to press her for her to talk to me. I can b a little intense with talkin at her. About 6 months ago we went on a trip where we went to venice for a day by ourselves then met up with a friend and his gf and stayed another nite in venice then went to a festival in croatia. we were quite close on this holiday, we had sex a bit, wanderin around happy in the sun, and raved it up at the end! We went on the red carpet at the venice filmfestival! was awesome! Becuase theres not much to do here and we were used to being in london, I used to often drive into london on friday to either go out with her or go to my mates house. then we used to stay at her families place. I think she much preferred it there. She made some friends at work, lots of ppl from her workplace used to go to a few bars nearby, its quite cool thinking about it that they work hard and party hard together. Some pretty cool, interesting, smartly dressed (she works in an office) ppl, even if it was a financial job! She's been gettin into fashion and I think she really likes dressin nice for work. I think she really enjoys her work, she gets paid alot now and I think she is valued in her workplace, and likes to party on a friday after work! just felt a bit like the odd one out cos everyone else has got nice suits n office wear and im a bit of a scruff so even when i try to dress nicely i probably dont look that great! I wud come and party with her sometimes, not every friday, sometimes id go round to smoke weed and listen to music with my friends. she found it boring i think, i do a bit to be honest. Right so xmas comes by and we go stay with her family for a few days. we only really did last minute shopping, even for each other!kinda: do u want this? yea go on then! She was feeling a bit ill over xmas so was curled up alot of the time. on boxing day I dropped her off at the doctors and then made my way to c my parents for about 5 days.I asked her if i shud stay but she sed go and c ur family, and i was thinkin she'll b fine her family will look after her. so i drove back down to london on new years eve. dropped off a library book and had a pint with a mate. then i contacted her to c wot she was doin. she was plannin on just stayin in with her family so i sed ill come and b with u but she sed no u shud go to ur mates house. I parked outside her parents house but didnt want to buzz in cos id wake the kid. so i foned her and i think she was in the shower n didnt reply til a little later. i just wanted to go in give her a hug and a kiss n hop off to my mates. so i just went to my mates house. had an alrite time but id hav rather been out partying with her or at least been with her. she ended up goin out to party with her friend last minute. i think they had a really good time. So in the mornin i went back to her families house and she was still at her mates, and i didnt want to c her family while smashed so i just went home. She had work in the mornin and her families place is way closer to her work so i assumed she'd stay in london that nite. i was a bit lonely at home, just wanted my new years kiss! she didnt come back until about the 4th of january which i was a bit upset about. When she came home she was nice but basically said there wasnt a spark between us anymore and she was goin to move into her mates house for a bit. Ouch. I didnt really believe it, i got angry and tried to reason with her. After a while i asked her if there was someone else and she sed no but i knew there was and she admitted that she had fallen for sumone at work. she said theyd gone on a couple of dates for a meal and to the cinema. she said they hadnt been physical but the emotional betrayal felt horrible. i wanted to be the one she confided in. she reeled off his good qualities - he takes care of himself, works out, is into art like her (even tho she never draws even tho shes amazingly talented).hes in a band, knows djs. prob a cool guy. he wears the aftershave she used to love smellin on me - ?!!? she even said she'd had a dream around a year ago that they were a couple. She sed she loves me but isnt in love with me. I think i asked her if shes in love with him and she said yes. we still slept in the same bed curled up, i wanted to **** her but obviously she didnt want it. At one point while we were talkin she was textin him which i found harsh. She changed all her passwords, not that i ever snooped. It seems to me like she couldnt wait to ditch me so she didnt feel guilty about bein with him. So shes moved into her friends house (in london where the action is) now temporarily until she finds her own place. Shes probably havin a realy great time, good job, seein *him* at work and out of it, livin with friends, partying. And im here, get home from work to no-one. it hasnt been too bad, no serious depression.but it still seems like shes comin back cos all her stuffs here. Obviously she'll get it wen she moves. The day she left was quite calm, i wanted to kiss her really bad and she was quite nice to me, even came up to me n gave me a kiss (with her tongue!) which i didnt expect. After she moved out I sent her a few cringey msgs "its been great, so happy to hav been together, its been an amazing journey etc". I wanted her back so i sed "if you need to contact me do it thru ur sister cos its too hard for me". Id been on here and heard about no contact! Altho im not sure ur supposed to TELL them not to contact u! After I sent her that msg she said shes sorry to text and she wont bother me anymore but she couldnt access the folder with our sex vids in. I didnt know the password but I sed if u want em u can copy em from my hard drive. I cant interpret this! We used to make lots of videos they were really hot someof them, we used to watch them wen we were away from each other and also together. but the last one we made was probably 4 years ago, except one a couple of yrs ago. Wen we were first together we made loads! I cant interpret her askin for the password. What do u think? A few other facts: my birthday was about 3 days after she left. About a week after that my grandma died and i went up for the funeral. i didnt tell her which im quite proud of. if itd been a week previously i obviously wudve wanted her to support me. but the way it is i knew i was only guna try n guilt trip her by tellin her. Didnt think i was guna win her bak by cryin about my gran neway. I still feel a bit guilty and disrespectful of my gran that Ive barely even thought about her death, just about my ex. Also she has untagged herself in alot of the photos on facebook, i think removed some of the pictures of earlier times when we were inseparable. She has left the pictures from venice tagged tho. Just want to mention that a week or 2 before christmas she didnt come home one nite which really worried me. after the last train home theres no way to get home. i called her loads and her fone was off. I didnt want to call her family and worry them so i just went to bed and hoped she was alrite really! In the mornin I called a mate of hers ive known for a few years who works with her, thinkin she mite know where she was if theyd gone for a drink after work or sumthin. she didnt no. eventually she got in touch at about 7am and said she'd stayed at her families cos she'd missed the train and her fone was out of battery- cheers for tellin me! not like ur family hav fones or nething. This seems a bit suspicious given wot I now know. Its been about a month of no contact if u dont count me sending her a happy birthday and a couple of texts to organise her cumin round to get a few things. Havent seen her since she left tho. Ive done all the facebook stalking and readin over old emails etc. Im tryin hard not to, and its workin alrite. It feels a bit silly her basically sittin next to her sister tellin her what to write to me! but i cant take textin her and not gettin a reply, thinkin shes ****in him or whatever - destructive thoughts. The other day when she text she said "Im sorry ive text u, i no u dont want it...." and i text her bak sayin u can text me if u want u no. she said "i know but i want to make this easy for u". I wouldnt mind bein friendly to her, no contact seems harsh. Anyway I kinda agree with her decision, there isnt much spark. Both of us cudve made more of an effort. In a way knowin that shes got eyes for someone else at least lets me know that she aint just takin a break to think about it. I wish I was in her situation really, she has a lot to go to and im a bit in the lurch here. Gotta sort out movin closer to work,gotta coordinate leavin here and both of us movin our stuff.mad ****. If im honest I think she has done the right thing for herself, shes movin to happier things, not this **** flat in the middle of nowhere with just me. Shes left me in the lurch a bit but what r her other options. she said she didnt want to cheat on me. Years ago (before we were insanely serious) she sed itd b awesome if we met in the future in a club n got it on. and she sed that again just before she left. also she sed maybe in the future. At the moment I am happy for us to b apart, i dont wana b second best its demeaning. I have the boring stuff to offer, he has excitement n intrigue i guess. I dont want to live here with her at all, its not been too great.not bad but just neutral. emotional distance.but i still felt carin, and i seriously doubt shes guna do nethin to deliberately hurt me. Its still very recent and I would still like to reconcile, but in the future, not now. i want to improve and show more of my good qualities. i also wana b confident with women, i wana sleep with other women and hav relationships. i dont want to hav been with just her and marry her and hav kids. i do want that still but i wana b with others first. she has been, and probably is now. in the past i hav sed that i wud want to **** other ppl to experience it. we talked about threesomes but i thought id never b able to pull a girl and itd b awkward and mite make her jealousto c me ****in sum1 else. and cheatings not worth jeopardisin us for. at least now i have an opportunity to b with other women without messin a relationship up. im not a fool and realise that i am attractive.not the person everyone flirts with but i aint too bad. i hav a few moles on my face which im conscious of, and imtoo thin, i want moremuscle. I think i lack confidence generally in life. i tend to think of it as realism. i say if no-one tells me im awesome y wud i think i am? im intelligent, i take a while to pick things up but im inquisitive and fairly easy to get along with. its awful comparin urself with ppl. Shes quite a good girl - sweet, pretty, she has class. She has a party animal inside aswell tho, as well as a sex beast! I really like the combination of bein nice on the outside but a little naughty (i hoped only with me!) on the inside. The thing im worried about with reconciliation is that our paths probably wont cross. our mutual friends dont live in london so its only wen they visit we see them. one friend (the one we were in venice/festival with) invited us both on facebook to c a dj before he knew we had broken up.she sed we shud both go at first but i sed thatll b too weird, what if she brings *him*? I was kinda plannin a last minute trip to europe just to drive around with my mate n hav a good time, so i sed she cud go. I think i only wanted that trip at the time to try and seem cool to her. altho i do really wana do it sometime soon. If we do meet again i wana b confident and attractive and try and play it cool but she knows me too well! ill only ever think of her as a lover. we were never friends before we got together. we were in bed a few hours after we met! I think about her ALOT. I think she was a bigger part of my life than i was of hers. Basically every event in spacetime i think "oh she wud like that" or "wish we cud do that together". Tiny little things. Like when I hear an awesome song I think I wish we were dancin to it. Anyway that'll do for now! Ive tried not to give my opinion on things so i can hear peoples objective view. Would be great to hear what ppl think and have a little discussion about it. pick apart the story by all means. Ill reveal more about my feelings if needed, just dont want someone to pick up on one emotional sentence and tar everything else with that brush. Crazy ramblings!
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I only skimmed this but as I understand it, you have been with your college GF for 8 years & that recently ended. Alas, many relationships don't survive the parties' life transitions. Yeah it such 'cause change is hard but if as you say she did the right thing for herself & you are as OK as possible with this. hang in there. It will get better. Try to avoid the things that remind you of her, if they bring you pain now. Rearrange the furniture in your flat to make it "new" & be less about her. I'm sorry about your grandmother. Take some solace from the fact that you know how to sustain a long term relationship. Take some time to be single. When you are ready love will come around again.
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