hea Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 My dumper of an ex text me with the 'how are you' convo. Now before you start with the no contact stuff, I am fine with this and I can cope with speaking to him, as much as I want him back, I now know I can live without him if not. And I know this sort of convo means nothing. How ever I told my friend what had been said and how I ended it and she seems to think I was rude. We had a convo about what we were up to and when I answered one of his questions I added 'I best say bye because my battery's going to go and I can't be bothered finding my charger! Ha! See ya! X' Is that rude?
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 You're here asking what you can text to your ex. You're playing games by texting manipulative responses to him like "I can't be bothered finding my charger". You're not fooling me, which means chances are, you're not fooling him. Why do you need to speak to him? Why can't you just ignore him? 1
Zahara Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Only 4 days ago you posted that it hurts so much that he's gone. You're not fine speaking to him. You pretend you are fine speaking to him. You keep the lines open because you are hopeful. You can't go from "it hurts so much" to "I can live without him" in four days. Your response was game playing. You needed to show him that you don't care, you're indifferent. The thing is, he knows you care and you know you care. You feel that contact isn't going to hurt you because it's a safety net for you. Cutting all contact is too much of a finality for you to handle. So you do this song and dance. The fact that you have to analyze this is a clear indication that you cannot handle contact.
Purepony Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I for one like the response. Good job. Next time throw a spin on it by responding a day later 2
Author hea Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Only 4 days ago you posted that it hurts so much that he's gone. You're not fine speaking to him. You pretend you are fine speaking to him. You keep the lines open because you are hopeful. You can't go from "it hurts so much" to "I can live without him" in four days. Your response was game playing. You needed to show him that you don't care, you're indifferent. The thing is, he knows you care and you know you care. You feel that contact isn't going to hurt you because it's a safety net for you. Cutting all contact is too much of a finality for you to handle. So you do this song and dance. The fact that you have to analyze this is a clear indication that you cannot handle contact. Yeah your right. I have good days and bad days. I want him back that's why I reply. I need to come off here for one. Reading about other relationships isn't helping me forget mine. Just the opposite.
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I for one like the response. Good job. Next time throw a spin on it by responding a day later No. All she's showing is that she's not over him. If she was really over him, she wouldn't respond to his texts at all. She just looks like she's pining for him and trying to come up with snarky one-liners. It screams "I miss you, come back!" 1
Zahara Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Yeah your right. I have good days and bad days. I want him back that's why I reply. I need to come off here for one. Reading about other relationships isn't helping me forget mine. Just the opposite. The thing is Hea, he doesn't get to feel the loss, to feel the value of what he lost if you're available to him. If a guy wants you back, he's going to want you back and get you back regardless of whether you're his next door neighbor or if you're on the moon. Contact is risky for you. What happens if in a week he starts seeing someone else and you see contact dwindle to nothing? What happens if you stay in contact with him and things don't change? How long will it take for you to bite the bullet and start your healing? If you cut contact, feel the pain, focus on your healing -- if he comes back, then you can decide as to what you need to do but if he doesn't, you are well on your way to being emotionally free from this. It's a win-win. What you're doing isn't in your favor because he has more control over this than you do. The least emotional has the most power. 1
Author hea Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 No. All she's showing is that she's not over him. If she was really over him, she wouldn't respond to his texts at all. She just looks like she's pining for him and trying to come up with snarky one-liners. It screams "I miss you, come back!" It wasn't actually meant as a dig at him, that's why I was so paranoid, it just came out because it was the truth. I could be bothered finding my charger! however like you say, what's it matter anyway. Who cares if I was rude or not, it doesn't change anything. And even if he did take it as "i miss you come back", at least he won't text me again and knows how I feel so I can't regret the 'what of he didn't know how I felt' for the rest of my life.
Author hea Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 The thing is Hea, he doesn't get to feel the loss, to feel the value of what he lost if you're available to him. If a guy wants you back, he's going to want you back and get you back regardless of whether you're his next door neighbor or if you're on the moon. Your totally right I do hear you. My head and my heart are two complete opposites. My head agrees and thinks forget it, sort yourself out, and then my hearts screaming what if he forgets about you! At the end of the day I need to protect myself. And treat it like he isn't ever going to come back, and if he does one day then it's a bonus. Just so difficult to get rid of hope! I blooming HATE hope!!!
Zahara Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Your totally right I do hear you. My head and my heart are two complete opposites. My head agrees and thinks forget it, sort yourself out, and then my hearts screaming what if he forgets about you! At the end of the day I need to protect myself. And treat it like he isn't ever going to come back, and if he does one day then it's a bonus. Just so difficult to get rid of hope! I blooming HATE hope!!! If he forgets you, then that is your answer. You can't keep reminding people not to forget you. See how bizarre that sounds. And unhealthy. It's hard to get rid of the hope because you are still raw and still very much emotionally attached to him. It's normal. The only way you can kill that is to NC. With NC, in time your brain will kick in and your heart will take a back seat. It's hard to go cold turkey. But it's the only way. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 personally i wouldnt send such a text.to me it isnt conjective with solving anything your feelings or his...because it wouldnt be how you really felt so is pointless i dont think its how you really feel or what you really want to say so i think you should stay no contact and not text something you regret later.....which i have done before and all it made me feel was sad.......because it was in no way true or positive a thing for me to send....reading your thread reminded me of a text i sent a couple of months ago that i wish i hadnt....i am with soemone else now.....it was me lashing out.......the guy didnt deserve it.......and i wasnt true to how i felt....i still hold feelings for him so i remain no contact....best wishes...deb
Author hea Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 If he forgets you, then that is your answer. You can't keep reminding people not to forget you. See how bizarre that sounds. And unhealthy. It's hard to get rid of the hope because you are still raw and still very much emotionally attached to him. It's normal. The only way you can kill that is to NC. With NC, in time your brain will kick in and your heart will take a back seat. It's hard to go cold turkey. But it's the only way. Thanks zahara. Think I needed this bit of sense to snap me out of it! Heads a bit clearer again. I wish it would last. I do need to come off this site though. It's becoming a daily thing for me to come on here and it's reminding me of it all. I think out of sight out of mind is the best option. Maybe it'll help as well.
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Your totally right I do hear you. My head and my heart are two complete opposites. My head agrees and thinks forget it, sort yourself out, and then my hearts screaming what if he forgets about you! At the end of the day I need to protect myself. And treat it like he isn't ever going to come back, and if he does one day then it's a bonus. Just so difficult to get rid of hope! I blooming HATE hope!!! Do you think you're meant to be with someone who can so easily forget you?
Zahara Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Thanks zahara. Think I needed this bit of sense to snap me out of it! Heads a bit clearer again. I wish it would last. I do need to come off this site though. It's becoming a daily thing for me to come on here and it's reminding me of it all. I think out of sight out of mind is the best option. Maybe it'll help as well. Nothing wrong with getting off the site. It can be an emotional trigger. It's going to be a battle between head and heart for awhile but you always need to go back to your reality.
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Yeah your right. I have good days and bad days. I want him back that's why I reply. I need to come off here for one. Reading about other relationships isn't helping me forget mine. Just the opposite. Stop trying to forget the relationship and learn why it didn't work from within. This is vital to the success of your next relationship. THAT'S what LS is for =)
Recommended Posts