c.jude Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Been with my current boyfriend for about 4 months exclusively. He is turning 23, I'm 18. He lives on his own, I still reside with parents. Well, as a background, we met at work. We work in different departments but hit it off very well. I gave my virginity to him during the very beginning of the relationship (got carried away). So far when I'm with him, I've been very happy, he's funny and makes me laugh a lot. We catch up about once every week, every other since we work together. He wants to take things slow, as do I. He is caring, cheers me up, and is there for me. I do have some hesitations though. -Sometimes I feel he expects more out of me. I'd like to think I'm more mature for my age, everyone guesses I'm in my early twenties anyway. He used to live with his last gf who was in her thirties. So Sometimes I feel like he expects the maturity of a thirty year old from me. I'm not thirty, I just turned eighteen. -Sometimes he jokes a little too far and hurts my feelings. I understand it's all in fun but sometimes it just hurts to overly joke about some topics. -He always complains about picking me up to hang out, we live 15-20 minutes away. My older car broke and I'm saving up for a new car. He will constantly complain giving me rides when we hang out (which is not too often. Once a week, once every other.) I don't ask for gifts or to be wined and dined. Just if he could pick me up. I live 5 minutes away from where we work. Lastly, he's angry at me right now. My cousin called and and said she had a second spot at a therapist for a full body massage. Now my dad goes in for one occasionally for therapy so I was like, "Okay, cool, I'll definitely come. It'll get rid of some stress I hope, plus its helps get rid of toxins." I tell him about it and he gets mad. He's like "Okay, go get naked and have some guy massage you, have fun." and he totally stops talking to me. It's been a day since he's talked to me. Wtf. Is this relationship doomed or am I in the wrong here? Any comments or advice is welcomed. Thank you!
TaraMaiden Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 He sounds younger than you are.... Why did his previous relationship break up? he wasn't a bit... 'controlling', was he...? 1
Author c.jude Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 He sounds younger than you are.... Why did his previous relationship break up? he wasn't a bit... 'controlling', was he...? Apparently they had a huge disagreement, ended up in a fist fight. They lived together for another year after they broke up. She moved and married some guy and now lives in Colorado. She wanted and thought they were married, he didn't. I dunno, I don't have much experience with relationships. I've only dated one or two other guys before him. I mean, with the massage thing (he's still not talking to me) I do think he totally overreacted. Was I in the wrong?
TaraMaiden Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 No. massages of this therapeutic kind are usually done by same-gender therapists. if he has 'smutty' ideas about the kind of massage you're going to be having (and I sincerely hope you do go) then that's his mental block and insecurity. Not yours. if i were you, I would shrug it off and act as if nothing had happened. Be a little aloof and - mature - about it. Let him come to you. His approach will probably be sarcastic and snide, because he may be expecting you to do the running. You are after all, younger, so you're bound to act less maturely.... aren't you? Just ignore his manner and be sensible.... leave him be. If he's going to let something like this get to him and interfere with your relationship - jeesh.... I mean..... Really?
Author c.jude Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 No. massages of this therapeutic kind are usually done by same-gender therapists. if he has 'smutty' ideas about the kind of massage you're going to be having (and I sincerely hope you do go) then that's his mental block and insecurity. Not yours. if i were you, I would shrug it off and act as if nothing had happened. Be a little aloof and - mature - about it. Let him come to you. His approach will probably be sarcastic and snide, because he may be expecting you to do the running. You are after all, younger, so you're bound to act less maturely.... aren't you? Just ignore his manner and be sensible.... leave him be. If he's going to let something like this get to him and interfere with your relationship - jeesh.... I mean..... Really? I did contact him during his break out and said, "Fine, I won't go. Happy? I just wanted to go do something since I'm stuck in the house today and my dad said it would be good for me since it helps release toxins. I didn't think it'd be a problem." I ended up saying "screw it" and went. Had a great time with my cousin. We went out for lunch afterwards as well. Going out with the girls tonight to play at a gig as well. I hate this crap he's giving me. He's being a big brat. I have not contacted him since and am just letting him throw his hissy fit. He'll be at work tomorrow... So I just pretend he's not there?
TaraMaiden Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Think to yourself, if he engages with you - "he's only 9 years old....!" Guys sometimes do revert to 'hurt little boy' syndrome.... Don't try to be smart. Just be aloof..... 1
Author c.jude Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 No. massages of this therapeutic kind are usually done by same-gender therapists. if he has 'smutty' ideas about the kind of massage you're going to be having (and I sincerely hope you do go) then that's his mental block and insecurity. Not yours. if i were you, I would shrug it off and act as if nothing had happened. Be a little aloof and - mature - about it. Let him come to you. His approach will probably be sarcastic and snide, because he may be expecting you to do the running. You are after all, younger, so you're bound to act less maturely.... aren't you? Just ignore his manner and be sensible.... leave him be. If he's going to let something like this get to him and interfere with your relationship - jeesh.... I mean..... Really? Also, the previous points I made about his behavior above... Is that normal boyfriend stuff? Should I be putting up with it? Would you guys? Some more background : I was abused at an early age and was later on adopted. I do have abandonment issues, it's hard for me to get attached and commit since I fear being hurt. I dunno if this info helps or not. Lol
Author c.jude Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Think to yourself, if he engages with you - "he's only 9 years old....!" Guys sometimes do revert to 'hurt little boy' syndrome.... Don't try to be smart. Just be aloof..... Haha, will do. Until he apologizes righto
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