Feeling so tired and scared of relationship. Got depressions!

[Norah]

Hi

 

I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. In general I am feeling blessed and lucky to have found him. But sometimes the relationship isn't going perfect and we fight. It is often not heavy fights but it always feels that our love for each other dies when it happens and I feel very misunderstood and am scared that he will dump me if I bring my worries and fears up. "Because he says he just can't take it!".

 

We have had a long patch (many months) of great happiness over the last few months. He told me every day how much he loved me and how I am the one. (we are both 30). How he wants to marry me and we talked about children. I also heard him talk about rings with his best friend when we were on a holiday together two weeks ago.

 

The last weekend he went to see his mother who is an absolute WITCH. NOw, you have to understand that I LOVE FAMILY, have 25 cousins and lots of aunts of uncles. I get on perfectly with every one of them. And especially my parents! So, me not liking his mother doesn't have anything to do with me not liking family! But she has been so cruel to my boyfriend all his life. In fact his sister hasn't spoken to her mother for over 5 years.

 

Anyway, his mood gets influenced IMMENSELY when he sees his mother and he goes from this loving, caring person to someone who cannot take anything anymore. So for around another two weeks after seein his mum he shuts down.

 

Well, on Sunday evening he came back from seeing her and I picked him up at the airport. He told me how his mother wouldn't want him to ever get married because she's scared of me stealing their money and crap like that.

 

Of course, it doesn't influence his opinion about me. He trusts me but he still felt like he had to tell me this. Well, I wasn't angry but said:" look, we have talked about this one before; there are ways to insure your assets and inheritance before you get married. But I do not want to keep explaining to you how to save your assets from me". so, I wasn't angry but made it clear that it wasn't my favourite subject.

 

Anyway, he got a bit annoyed and said that I overreacted. I just went into my room and worked.

 

Last night we made love and I asked him whether I had changed since I have been on the new pill. He said "yes", we are not really getting on that great anymore." And that really made me sad, as apart from the stupid incident with his mother we got on perfectly! Maybe he just said it but it really put me into some sort of depression as I feel at home around him, we have this wonderful house (he owns it but it's my home, too) and when he drops those sort of sentences I just realise how easy it would be to loose it all! It feels like all those months of happiness were nothing!

 

I am doing my PhD in Economics and should concentrate but have been sleeping all day today because I'm feeling so low about his comment! I don't know why but I just cannot take this rollercoaster! And especially when times have been so good and happy and you get a comment that "we haven't really gotten on lately" it just puts you over the edge :-(

 

I mean I could show him tons of sms and emails he has sent me over the last few months saying how he is looking forward to that future with me and telling me how much he loves me. So I cannot explain where that comment came from.

 

This morning in the bathroom he asked me: "so, when do you want to go to Venice"" as we have planned to go for a while. It really doesn't look like he wants to break up. but why say such a stupid thing?

[Norah]

Oh and another one:

 

he bought me flowers last thursday, saying he hasn't done that for a while and meant to do it!

 

So why would he say: "we just haven't got on well lately??!!"